You promised
Yet you relapsed
And now I'm snapped

I don't know if you know
But you're dazed
stuck in a haze
Won't let yourself escape

You have four beautiful daughters
Yet your mind
is on your own slaughter

I'm sorry I tried
But you ignored my pleas
On my knees
Can't you see?

You're falling
And I can't even stop it
Do you hear me calling?
All you hear is a whisper
My vocal chords are shredded
But it doesn't amount to a thing

You don't know the pain
You're bringing to yourself
All for your own game
In vain you are dying
Slowly I know it
Decaying
Time is ticking
But again
You relapsed

You promised that
Once to a girl crying on the phone
I guess you forgot that girl
Your own daughter
Just because you have free will

I don't know if you just don't care
Or if your demons are there
But I'm here
I can't watch you disappear

A relapse into forgetfulness
Time never loses its deceptiveness

The tragic seeking of something
that is not lost
I found myself again through
words

My heart smiles
as I write.

I do not like you
I do not love you
I am addicted to you

no not like "you're so cute I want to be with you forever" kind of sweet innocent addiction
no, not at all

******, you are like ****** to me

when I am with you I feel warm, fuzzy, euphoric.
without, I am throwing up, dizzy, unable to get myself out of bed

I get over you, I don't see you for days, weeks, months

I'm clean.

though I'm clean now, you are still always on my mind.

you are not good for me
you are killing me
yet still
I need you so bad


relapse.

tw self harm



50 days since my last episode...
It’s not much... but it’s progress
But tonight... tonight I’d throw it away
To hold a knife in my hand
To graze my skin with it
To watch myself bleed
To bandage my wounds...


I want it. All of it.
The only thing stopping me is that number...

50 days

I don’t want to tell everyone I’ve failed
That I was weak yet again
But so badly I want to be weak...
It’s going to happen eventually...
Isn’t relapse inevitable?
Who knows when I’ll see my therapist again...
There are already scars to hide
So what’s a few more?

I could talk myself right into it

And I ******* want to

Every time I attempt to change
Find myself somehow stuck
A period of indecision
Or pit of endless bad luck

Temptation is a persistent *******
Keeping on a high ledge
Put a stick in my moving spokes
Taking away the edge

Medicine will not let me run too far
Invading corners of my mind
Coerced into staying here
Relief I only briefly find

I saw a future temporarily
Moment quickly burned out
Was making steady progress
Turned around and went a different route