I may have had a misspent youth
Though to tell you the honest truth
I would not change a thing 'cos hey...
It made me who I am today.

empty 'what if's
and petty excuses
and looming regrets
'if only i had tried harder'
'if only i had the time'
'maybe, just maybe'
'i could have gotten you'
'maybe i wouldn't have failed you'
*if only

In the shadows
We dance
Building a bridge
Between friendship and love

Fleeting
Bricks fall
Dreams are broken and burnt
Then remade
Every single day

I sit still
Staring at the blank space
Where you once lay

Planning for the journey
Or simply walking through
Sit still
Breathe in
Aware of what to do

Thoughts pass like thunder
On their way out
As the stars
Cut through the sky

Scribing now
Drawing down clouds
To scrawl our dreams
Upon its steps
We stand

Holding onto the past
We let it drop
First a finger
and then a hand

Filled with deep regret
Transforming how
into why

We realise that
Dreams are broken and burnt
And remade
Every single day

Yet, a part still missing
I sit
Staring at the blank space
In the sky
The part where
lovers meet
for the first time;
Where you became I.

In a piece of paper, my hopes and wishes are written,
Every pain and love, everything I keep hidden.
Placed in a bottle of wine
Together with all the pieces of my shattered heart
I seal this bottle with my soul.
A kiss will guide it to its goal.
In the ocean, my message in the bottle goes,
Hopefully, one day, it will reach you
Maybe my essence will be able to warm your ice cold body.
May you have happiness and peace,
Then I'll be at ease.

Once again, I say my sincere apology
In a parchment, I say it all,
In your hands it may fall.
This message in the bottle that travels the ocean.

The shadow that never leaves
That breathes beneath my skin
Like I am paying penance for an unknown sin
The voice of the girl who I loved tears me down
Leaving me with histories frown
I come from the sixteen year old who suffered from psychosis
I didn't choose this
Does it mean that I am cursed?
Though the reaction is immersed in a painful ache
When I lay in bed awake
When I think of all I could have been
If not weighed down by all my regrets
I live in corner of nowheres ville
The words left unsaid still hurt
Sometimes I blurt them out when I am alone
To the voice that talks inside my head
Does she know how much it stings
To be king of nothing.

I hear a whisper in the night.
"I am enough".
And it fills my heart with joy.
But the joy is fleeting,
As I do not feel worthy of it's song.

The whisper fades in the static of my mind.
Feelings of guilt and shame,
Replace the whisper's cry.
The self-loathing rises up once more.
An ever present rumble of isolation,
Controls my inner thoughts.
And I am filled with a sadness,
Of what my life has become.

A stranger now resides within me.
She is filled with loss and regrets
The tears begin to flow,
And fill my eyes with longing,
For the girl I left behind.
I am so very tired,
Of this battle in my mind.

I push aside my inner darkness,
And I look to the stars for comfort.
I whisper to the night.
"I am enough"
"I am MORE than enough".

Pick up the pieces,
That you left behind,
Pick up the fragments,
Fix what was mine.
Red as a ruby,
Veins deep within,
Even engineers can't fix it,
It's all so mean.
Take up the pieces,
And remember my words,
Please don't leave me,
You know it hurts.

A heart that is broken,
Can never be perfect once more.
A heart that is shattered,
Is shattered to its core.

What do you say to life
When it comes knocking on your door
Saying "Your time is almost up"
And you look at all these things
You wasted

Remember that dusty keyboard your mother bought for you
Instead of buying groceries she bought you that
Because you'd always wanted to play the piano
But your family budget wouldn't allow
Extra expenses for the lessons and the piano
And you played simple nursery rhymes on it
London bridge and twinkle twinkle
And found joy in matching some notes from songs you loved
But you took it for granted
And that sacrifice
Was wasted on you

See those gray hair stands your father started having when you went to college
And you believe it was most likely because he was trying to send both you and your sister to good schools
Because your government fails to provide free quality education
To the youth it expects to carry the nation through
Yet when was the last time you touched that hair
Do you even recall how it feels to run your hand through your father's hair,
His face,
His floor plans?
Those
Were wasted on you

Hear your sister breathe peacefully
As she dreams of the storks movie you went to see this afternoon
In your futile attempt
To correct all the wrongs you did to her for twelve years of her life
How your destructive, violent behavior
Was always poured out into her sweet, innocent soul
Because you justified that you were afraid
That if she didn't fear you
She would never learn to be strong
And face the world
But in truth you were just a monster
And you realize now
Now that time's running out
You realize that those first twelve years were the most important
Because if you only did the right things
Your bond would have been cemented
But you were a monster
Who did not know how to express the tides of love
Who damaged her emotionally by pelleting her with bullets of unnecessary lectures about the pettiest things
And you cry and plead
For life to bring it all back
To bring all those years back
Because more than anything else in the world
It is your sister you love most
And she was wasted on you

Remember the nights we got drunk on moonlight
And shared secrets
But I sit here alone
With heart heavy as stone
And so many regrets.