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Ili Norizan May 2018
I think I've figured out love,
It's two parts compromise,
And a whole lot of trust,
Also the occasional surprise;

It's his favourite toys,
And her in pretty clothes;

It's his time with the boys,
And her me time at the spa,
After a session with the girls;

It's his willingness to listen,
Even when she's not making sense,
And him not using it against her because he can;

It's her openness with him,
How she's not shy to bare all,
Skin and soul;

It's his utmost respect,
Not taking advantage or asking for more,
When she's given everything she's got;

I think I've figured out love,
It's shared dreams and having each other's back,
Telling her not to move,
Because he might just lose track.

Dear God, I need a moment
I know it's been a while
You know I do not go to church
That just is not my style

I do not pray like others do
I believe in what is right
So, God I ask you hear me
On this dark and lonely night

I do not ask redemption
I'm too far gone you know
I'm not one who is worth saving
Deep down you know it's so

The people who are righteous
Who are here to spread your word
Are wolves wrapped in sheep's clothing
Working hard to fleece the herd

I'm not one who will follow
I don't buy the tales they sell
When I am dead and buried
I'm not in heaven but in hell

I'm cutting out the middle man
For they don't own my trust
They're ******* their believers
They use your name with every ******

I hope that you can hear me
Though I've used your name in vain
They confess and pay their penance
Then they do it all again

If the only way to heaven
Is to buy a ticket in
Then I guess I'm well committed
So, I'll live my life in sin

The sinners should be punished
I know you and I agree
But, who made them judge and jury
Who chooses what they see?

Dear God when all is finished
My soul is mine alone to lose
But, where I spend my future
Is up to you to choose

So, God, I'm here just talking
Not confessing to my sin
I'm not here to say I'm leaving
I guess, I'm only checking in.
Ili Norizan Feb 2018
I wanted so badly to cry,
Because it didn't feel right,
Since I should be seething with anger and drowning in melancholy,
But not a tear and not even the slightest fear,
Despite having chosen to disappear,
To let go of a good thing - one I hold dear,
Since distance I cannot bear,
For his absence is a cause of my despair,
Making me certain that love is a game where neither is playing fair;

So here I am at half an hour after midnight,
Trying to make sense of things in the only way I knew how,
Through words that bleed like ink of a broken penmanship,
From putting too much force,
When gentle strokes would've resulted in better flow,
Of thoughts and sense that says more,
About how feelings are not meant to be comprehended,
Through words that could easily be misconstrued,
Missing the mark with every character,
Because most only read what they want to hear;

Sometimes I kid myself into believing,
That perhaps I've always had it coming,
For I wear my heart on the sleeves of my favourite sweater,
As though it was the only way I know how to accessorise,
When fact of the matter is that I've other pieces worth showcasing,
That told more than just how I'm made up of feelings,
Too much in fact that I'm close to suffocating,
With hope that when I do there will always be someone ready to resuscitate me,
Taking me as his for all eternity,
Because I'm ready to jump rather than fall in,
Hoping to avoid the pain of breaking and entering,
A house I intend to make my home,
When there wasn't even room to rent in his listing.

An old piece I almost posted as part of a Wattpad entry but decided it deserves a spot here instead.
  Jan 2018 Ili Norizan
Kayla Flanders
she was not fragile like a snowflake.
she was fragile like a bomb.
and i didn't know which was scarier-
                                                        ­  her explosion or her calm.
part 2
Ili Norizan Jan 2018
If there's hell to pay,
Then surely heaven awaits,
But how do I get there,
who's gonna show me the way?
Am I on track or way off at this rate;

I'm hellbent on getting to heaven,
Hoping it'll be my final destination,
For I fear what's waiting in the fiery den,
Yet I'm still having trouble in terms of devotion,
But that's just me being human;

So what's the difference,
For each represents,
a person,
a feeling,
and destiny for those devoted in faithfulness,
As hell is the prize for my defiance.

Ili Norizan Nov 2017
My voice is not meant to be heard,
And although we preach freedom of speech,
I am constantly silenced,
Every letter I've carefully strung together,
Will never see the light of day,
Rejected if not misconstrued,
Many have taken my words out of context,
Blowing things out of proportion,
That sometimes I feel perhaps I'm the one lacking imagination,
Maybe I'm just purely feelings and emotion,
For which I constantly bite my tongue,
Keeping the pain within my lungs,
Hoping to ease the minds of those around,
Forgetting completely that writing is my sanctum.

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