Totality escapes beneath me, all that I’ve left unexplored collapses unto me.

Triggered, by self centered inundation, I might as well be gone.

For what do I provide the collective? But neglect and self indulgent plunder.

Relive this aeonic cage, cyclic and persistent. Yet each existence we reach a new peak.

So benevolent, and elegant. I need to relive samsara to fill my void.

Be meaningful to others. Because I do not matter, what I do matters.

Momentarily, this escapes me, shameful and foolish, I must regain such tonic insight.

It combats my abysmal fear of inconsequentiality.

I’ve reflected in infantilism, however I think I’ve found what guides us to actualization.

At least myself anyway, I need to mean something to others.

I need to teach and learn from my peers, whom I overlook as of now.

How myopic and repugnant. White from shame I apologize to those who’d listen.

I open my arms to all. Let me help, show me how to help.

Walking along the waterside
Fingers sliding over long grass
I slump and sit in the grass
The sun just having set
You were once familiar

I gaze into the waters
My fingers tracing the ripples
Wandering along the direction
It flows
Wondering, why my fingers
Never seem to grasp
And fall into flow with
The waters that reflect the
Light I always like to see

You're gone
Not here
Left me there,
To deal with this fear
Never saw this day coming

I'm too blind to accept
You're not here anymore;
I drove you
Away from my heart.

Not intentional but I did
Hurt you, yes
Regret, I do
Now it's just me.

I'm alone out here,
I miss you
I miss us
This feeling; just not right

It's like we don't exist anymore
It's just you
It's just me
You do you,
I do me
Not cute but life

This hole left here,
You pierce and pierced
Am I alive?
I guess I am
Without amygdala I must

But wait
Here, my heart
Take it
Just take it
I damaged yours
And that's just it
You deserve it
Now you're probably gone

Nary an original thought possesses me,

maybe I should become mute?

But then how would I boast about my obnoxious self perceived importance?

in moments of bliss
you shine inadvertently
unsure of why I worry of you

in fragments of abyss
you relieve deliberately
sure of why I wish for you;
I certainly cannot miss

So, yet one more year is added to the pile.
Heavy laboured breath before going this next years mile.

Years put in my past that attest to battles I have fought.
Eyes that hold a sadness to reflect my deepest thought.

Years that blur as one I do endlessly compile.
With no pause or break to rest but just a while.

Never really finding what it was I sought.
Aged and withered visage from the lessons life has taught.

Untold years ahead lay hidden as I struggle upon this trial.
Trudging further on in a beaten, battered and weary style.

Days ahead giving rise to new reason to feelings so distraught.
Yet one more year, in the uselessness I find that I am caught.

Long forgotten days that once gave cause to smile.
Leaving ahead but sadness and mistakes to reconcile.

Offer me the windows to your soul.
Gaze upon the glory that is the glow that you have created within me.
And as if looking into a mirror,
I will do the same.

I could smile then,
I knew joy and laughter,
I dreamt and hoped
Back when love knew me.

I woke with purpose,
I held no regret,
I sought wonder
Back when love knew me.

I joined in this world,
I faced its challenge,
I was resilient then
Back when love knew me.

I was confident,
I held no self doubts,
I had a value
Back when love knew me.

I could trust,
I could be tolerant,
I had patience
Back when love knew me.

I had time,
I had a future,
I had a contentment
Back when love knew me.

Back when love knew me.
I had you