The solo road takes hold. I don't know where it goes, but where it goes I go.
A midnight’s drive under a sky full of clouds, blocking the moonlight.
Only the glimpse of a shimmering star guides my way, but to what I do not know.
A night of indifference, just going where this winding road takes me, but
I can barely see that shining star through clouds of hesitation.
The road is a one lane highway to a destination unknown
the fog is so dense it is like a layer of blankets used to hide the fears of a child in the dark.
At this point I wonder if it can hide my fears as well.
Do I even want to hide from these fears at all or should I stand up to the inevitable?
My engine’s sputtering, stalling, my car’s running out of gas and I feel like I just might crash.
I put my foot to the gas and hope that I wont fly through the glass and end up with my car smashed, because this car is my only way off this **** road in the first place.
I see no headlights coming my way even though I pray that one day I will see a light at the end of this godforsaken road but the day isn't today.
Some days I pray that I will lay on the road face down
with a trail of my essence turning the road red with release
but other days I carry on like it was my job to mindlessly keep both of my hands on the steering wheel and hope that at the end of this road, there’s an exit sign,
and that all I need’s a little more time.
Because night after night, my hands grip the wheel so hard my knuckles turn white as the fog that clouds my vision day after day.
My sighs echo down this ever growing street, every twist and turn feels like another reason
to unbuckle my seatbelt and open the door because
I’m going 85 in a 50 and I can’t even see my own headlights on the road
my vision is blurred and my mind is as foggy as the road I drive on.
Every now and again I wonder what the point is
I can barely remember the day I started driving, it was so long ago
and I pray for the day when I can wash this fog away in rain,
that I’ll find an exit and take it.

This,..  My way,  my nature
Birthed to this,
My lineage,  this legacy,
Given,..  Named,..  
Long ago,  our lines given
Titles, trades,  qualities,  dispositions
Earned, bestowed, deserved,  taken
It was a day of beginnings,  
A day of firsts, lines created
It was a day of words
It says the day of naming.
Only are names given but that once
After that day,  one is born into
The name,  the legacy then passed
From generation to the next,
fathers and sons
My line: Fehlmann...
A man missing, or lost and searching?
Hiding?  Different?  A little off?  
Perhaps indefinable?  
Unreachable, exploring,  so misleading,
Misunderstood,  built different,  special
Untouchable, wandering,  leading?  
I can't help but wonder,  why?  Those words?
Was my distant relative present?
What a puzzling choice of words to be given?  Or,  earned?

Kind of like counting the stars in the sky
Its ridiculous to count the moments spent
To count the days gone by
Because to be honest its all been mushed together
Like pieces of the events slowly woven in

And to be honest,
I wouldn’t have spent it any better
Than to be with you

But let me take ti slowly
Back-track
Because when we first met,
I couldn’t have imagined it like this

Now
Let me be perfectly honest when I say
That I did not expect things to turn out this way
Because here I am lil miss haven’t been with anyone since god knows when
And here you are mistry white clouds with golden sun rays shining through
Mister deep sea blue eyes so easy to take a dip in
Mister piece of art museums everywhere are missin’
Walking imperfectly along black pavements and gray roads

You see it was an impossibility for me to be with you
What with how darkness easily encompasses me
What with how words are easily slippin out of your lips
What with how words are easily ****** into my minds dark abyss
And to be honest trying to capture the words into moments spent have been nothing but troublesome due to how much is entangled by thoughts like
"wow I can’t believe this is happening"

So just like counting the number of lights that paint the sky
Its kinda ridiculous coming up with 21 good reasons why today is pretty amazin’
Because there aren’t any letters that can string along together
To describe the amount of possible reasons why I find today quite so special
Because
To be frank its been 35 days, 840 hours, 50400 minutes with seconds still counting
Because to  be practically accurate its been 141 days, 3384 hours. and 203040 minutes with seconds continuously running
And no matter the moments passing
It still feels as though our infinities are intertwining
Decreasing the time that continues spinnin’

I can’t give you any good reasons just as the universe can’t place any more lights up there
But for a perfect one
I guess I can compose
That without you here
There wouldn’t be a rope for me to hold
Now I’m not saying that without you here
I can’t find a way to make my own happiness appear
I’m not saying you’re this bright light that shines through the grey crowds
Allowing me this way to surface from the deepest of seas
I’m saying that because you’ve been living in my mind rent free since day one
All of which that kept me drowning and entangled by chains that are not my own
Has loosened up and given me this ability to be free
And a better place to be
Because the perfectly composed reason why this is becoming an amazing year
Is because you are here, my dear

Now I hope all of your wishes come true
Cause all I’m asking from you
Is for more days to spend together
Completing the impossibly ridiculous task fo counting the stars in the sky
With just you
And I

A strong weariness
has taken over the worn out shell
that is my own
no amount of rest
can cure

As each day passes
more reasons will be made
to give into temptation
and revert to old habits
from simpler times

Though these thoughts will linger
they will be nothing more
than faint whispers through the night

If these days find ways
to go on
than I
must do the same

There was a reason I did what I did for a reason.
A reason the reason was there for a reason.
A reason for stopping. A reason. A thing.
And a reason to stop thinking reasons for things.
But the thing might still reason to thingstop and stop.
All this reasoning and then when the reason is got.
All the reasons for things I'll stop reasoningstop.
And just thingdrop my reasons.

The reasoning lot.