Oh how you always end up
in my bed, when you are most hurt--
My hands on your gorgeous hips
as I pull you  fully, down on to me..

A true descending..  into
the further-reaches  of you
In to places  previously untouched
As I hold you there

As if  for an eternity

Till you are no longer  
unable  to feel me..

Until you are  fully
able to feel me

Sometimes,
Love is like diving into the raging river,
It keeps throwing you
into the cold and turbulent current
and you find yourself
being ****** into a whirlpool,
swirling down to the river bed

It scours out
the traits and traces of you
It tests your grit
everyday
and Everyday you find the courage
to dive again,
tread the waters
and just keep learning
to stay afloat...

We never have the essential answers, to the questions in our daily lives.
God takes the lead and remains in control.
God touches our hearts beyond wishes untold.
I know you’re hurting so very much; I want to help but I don’t know how.
This storm of yours is barreling toward you; sweeping you up and spinning you within.
You hide behind your strength for others;
but you my friend need someone too!
I can’t imagine, in my wildest dream the intensity
of your pain; the complexity of your damaged will!
To lose so many whom you love so dearly, has got to be
robbing your emotion.
When your insides feel like a drowning sorrow,
When your days and nights regret tomorrow,
When your eyes tear up behind their sockets,
(because you refuse to let your feelings show).
When you just don’t want to be the “old” you,
When you can’t see yourself making it through.
When you just can’t seem to gain any control.
When you feel like giving it all up for good,
When your pain and hurt is misunderstood.
Always remember what I am saying.
Dearest friend in “my whole wide world”,
Our Heavenly father is right by your side.
We have our pain and rock hard endings.
We have our trials and tribulations.
We have our moments of dis-repair.

We have our moments when we just don’t care.
But you serve a God who is all around you.
Holding you close in your raging storm.
You may not see it; you may not feel it.
But God is standing faithfully behind you;
waiting for you to Trust him and fall.

My eyes flick shut and time has passed me by
Your liquor and money had caught me in a high
There's something burning inside me now

Unaware I could have been pure til the rain
White dress draped around me like a chain
But no, I must tear you off my skin

Your words have made me doubt my own spirit
Bent me over like a punch to the gut
But you could not gauge the glow inside me now

I will drown you with fire, I vow
I am not water or a flower or a delicacy
I am a raging star, a wrathful beauty

And you will watch as I push you- you fall
Until all you are left is a mere regret
And I will have -in full- paid my debt

And I'll run until I can't remember
the weight of your hands on my hips
until I can smell your shampoo
and not wish to run my hands through your hair.

I'll run until I forget
what it was like to stand still and be held
so close to your beating heart.
Until that afternoon
where I was pinned underneath you
fades completely from my memory.

Yes, I'll run and scream and fight
until I can walk beside you
without a heart of lead carving ruts in my wake
without casting glances
and admiring your beauty.
I will rage and burn
until I can see a bougainvillea
without immediately hearing your voice;
your careful singing in my shower,
your laugh, your low, stolen whispers.

And I'll keep weeping and wishing
that there were no kisses to forget,
no notes to burn or keep,
no flowers that crumble in my grasp,
no shirts that smell like you,
no jigsaw hollows where you still fit perfectly.
Wondering how long it will be
before the songs don't make me think of you
before the kitchen is just the kitchen
and my bedroom is just a bedroom.
                               before I fulfill your wish
                               and we are just friends again.

Friends who once snuck off,
held hands,
talked at midnight,
shared a bed (albeit only once)
shared favorite memories,
played guitar in the dark,
laughed at their own shy ways,
almost kissed,
almost became more.

Almost made it.

I will grind myself to dust,
if only it makes it easy to swallow
the bitter break of a first love,
a stolen heart, returned only to shatter
in my grasp. We hugged quickly, spun apart
when all I wanted is to cry and hold you
the way a dying man clings to the lifeboat.

It’s hurting
I can’t make it stop
You can’t take away the pain
I want it to stop
But it keeps clawing at my heart
It keeps raging in my mind
It keeps rotting in my veins
So,
I let the drugs take away the pain
Nicotine flows through my veins
And I escape.