9-2-24   9:07pm

why are mornings
the worst part of the day

when your mind begins to trace
the quiet echoes of their absence

even at night
before drifting to sleep
while lying awake
with your thoughts going
a mile a minute


it's because the crickets remind me
of you
the still air
your books
your scent
your smile
your laugh
your lips

quiet. its too... quiet.
except its not completely silent.
you can still hear the yelling of neighbours next-door and the tweeting of happy birds outside, but to me it's still..
Quiet.
You can still hear the dripping of the broken tap, the soft hum of the fridge.
But to me its still quiet.
Why am I so afraid of this silence?
People are still out there, I can hear them. Faintly.
Maybe its because of the thought that swirl and swirl like thunderous clouds.
Maybe this quiet is the silence before the storms before everything comes crashing down.
Maybe I'll make it not so quiet, scream into nothing, cry for things that i cant control.
Maybe.
But for now... I think I'll stay quiet.

All things arise from emptiness,
Where does emptiness arise from?

Thus spoke an Ancient Buddha.
I do not understand it, much.

Simply the wheels turning outside -
The pigeons coo, and below the grasses sparkle.

The day turns,
The night as well-

Some something something that
Is not this nothing something.

Why indeed must there be anything,
When just as easy as it for to be nothing-

But philosophising
Is quite unnecessary -

I spent my whole journey
Dancing in front of a mirror:

This one, that is-
All life a reflection of yourself,

All concepts, concepts, concepts-
All the way down - concepts!

Alas- all things do arise from emptiness,
Yet for the life of me-

Pray-
Could I ever understand whereforth emptiness arises from?

Suddenly

Holding myself together because I have myself to hold

sad songs

sinks me into a lullaby of melancholy

wherever home is wherever i feel cradled

in the notes of the sad songs, slow and swaying

in the words of poetic lyrics

in the details of the mundane living

intentional movements in the yoga routine

in the focus of the joint movements of my knees bringing me to work

shuffling between my bed and place of work

Could I get myself out of this sadness

Perpetual, cyclical

I hope it isn't my default

the more inwards I look

the more I insulate myself from the outside

am I the lingering strum of someone's guitar

or the last of the embers of a burnt up note

can anyone know who I am

if I am as still as perfectly balanced stone

stillness

isn't a sign of lifelessness

but who would take the double take

to watch the stillness

in our fast paced world

who would even think of stillness

when fast encourage fast encourage fast

when flurry is all the hurry

stillness

wants to be noticed but it can't hurry

so it just stays still

and watches all which flurries

maybe stillness looks closely

and will find a hurry

wanting to be still

Clock hands go lazily – tick-tock.
Why should they rush? It’s almost midnight.
The Night doesn’t need their help at all.
She comes into its own rights.

She’s powerful over all that’s here.
And under its cover of darkness and gloom
We are all here, all to the last man.
We’re all locked up now in full.

We’re like prisoners of this Night,
Calm, submissive and tamed.
And clock hands go straight and true,
They’re unfailing attached.

I’m a stranger in the Night.
Ask her let me come in.
Maybe she'll let me stay the night
And I’ll find the peace and meaning.

Quietly, ordinarily, and without heralds
It arrives, and you know—the truly good;
And you run after it, to fully grasp and hear
Not in full understanding yet, but it feeds,
Every moment: ever richer, ever illuminating,
Ever the more profound; mutually enlarging
All that's heard and known darkly from before
And Life! ever the brighter, the exalted, and the unspeakable!

I cannot tell you
The remedy to your emptiness,
But I can share with you
That of a treatment of mine.
It can be hearing of progress
On any front
In the forms of beautiful ideas
And new expressions,
The world of us humans.
Of newfound love
In many kinds of companionship
Whether by person or by animal,
Or even by plant.
Of new discovery
Which betters our understanding
About the fundamentals of the universe,
Like walking in the wild;
Cherishing all that is natural.

Being a humble observer
In the courts of law
Under honorable nature.

Just by being an animal.