why do i keep falling for the girls hours upon hours away?
is it for the sensation upon falling for the impossible
or is it purely because i just enjoy their existence
or possibly it could be both
i enjoy their existence but it feels impossible
because if i am friends with them and i tell them it could go two ways
it could bloom into a wondrous relationship
or it destroy the flower of friendship

so am i to enjoy the flower i have bloomed?
or risk plucking out the petals for a chance at love

decisions like these seem so daunting and terrifying
and the answers are never revealed
so unknown garden seeming thoughts will forever haunt my mind
or possibly turn into action with known results
if only flowers couldn't be broken
and purely bloomed and thrived

Her love
You know the sort
That makes you lay your head against the hardwood floor
Questioning yourself
Or no one in particular
Where did she come from?
Do you remember eagerly awaiting an answer
From beneath the crevices pushing against your jaw line
As the silence gnawed on your bones
Because I bet when she touched her fingertips to yours
Both of your souls response insinuated a path of many colors
Did her laughter warm your frost bitten lungs?
While her stare burnt bright behind your irises?
She probably tenderly confided in you a thousand silent words
Day after day
Until the depths of her beauty lit that fire inside
Igniting it with a smile that threw your heart into the wind
Every time
She was that commercial love , Right?
Misty meadows and crashing waves with summer salt
She was that drown in her kiss and leave you gasping for air, love
That lay your head on the hardwood and wonder where it all went love
Am I right?

I know I'm not worried I'm just upset
Because he doesn't think of me
Because we dated for nearly a year
We were part of each other's lives and now there is a hole
It's fine and I'm over it but it is still there and I acknowledge it,
Accept it,
When he can so easily forget it is there
Not missing him exactly
I'm more jealous of his ability to not miss me
I'm not that upset
Frustrated would be a better word
Yes I know he is gone and out of my life but he isn't just gone
I acknowledge him
I can't help but wonder what his life looks like without me in it
Apparently it looks like Ireland

am i in love with you
or am i in love with the idea of being in love with you

are you in love with me
or are you just in love with the attention i give you

do i love you
or do you just make me feel a little less alone
and i haven't felt "together" in a long time so i think i love you

do you love me
or do i just make you feel like you're worth something
and you crave my validation so you think you love me too

are we in love
do we love each other
do we want each other

or do we just need each other
to patch up the holes other people left behind

Puberty,
May be a reason.
But wondering gay or straight,
Is in my mind treason.
My body says gay,
But my soul says straight.
My mind says ignore it,
But which do I want to date?
Is it ok, to have need to be gay,
But have a want to be straight.
It's the opposite for most,
But for me I boast,
That I want to be straight, not gay.
If you are gay,
Tell me...
Is being straight okay?

where does it go?
does it dissipate
with every kneeling
at night
to you?

did we give it up
when we were born
into this world?
unwillingly,
unknowing of life;
****** into the
harsh environment,
flush and blind?

did it escape my back pocket
the second i imagined you;
walking along the sidewalk
as the cars collided
and i called out to you
for help?

where is the freedom.

we live in the
land of the free,
but when will
we begin to
believe
if the divine
is the truth,
and our free will
is the lie?

Ask of me if I love thee
And surely I must tell thee I do
But ask of me if we shall wed
Alas, it is not to be
For thought of love in me for thee
Is not what God holds in the cards for us
I have promised my hand to another
He is wealthy and honorable
He is handsome and faithful
He is quite kind and sure to be the right husband for me
And yet ask me once more if I love thee
And you shall never receive a negative response.

Dissatisfaction sits begrudgingly in the pit of my stomach
and continues to remind me of
all the things
all the things I have strive for and missed every ball I dropped
every **** boy I kissed

Dissatisfaction makes a hideaway in my being
burrows in deep and starts to clinging
and I try to cover it up for people
because it's not worth seeing
but you can believe it

I'm a human being in this life
but where is the meaning
I've got all this pinned up strife
& the insides of my mind could use a deep cleaning
The whereabouts of my breakthrough is unknown
if it even exists
maybe if I just speak it enough into existence it'll be fixed
I suppose only God knows
but I'm not so sure if he hears my woes

Dissatisfaction is taking over
it's laying claim to my brain
it's settling into my pores
and I just want to stay sane

Lie to me and tell me everything's okay
Even though it doesn't seem that way and the clouds are getting darker and closing in
And no one is human among these sons of men
who chase the paper and will cut anything in their way
Yea everything will be okay
Even though it doesn't look like that's the case
and I pray that the time I'm giving you isn't a waste
Because I have no leftovers to give
And it's getting harder and harder to live
To breathe
To think ...

Knew that in this food chain there's a missing link
Between God and me
And it's something I can't see  
And I'm not sure if I will ever be able to do the things you want from me but Maybe that's not the path I'm taking
Jus like how they say promises are meant for breaking
And all I know is I'm looking for an awakening .
Some kind of realization or explanation for why it's so hard right now..
Why can't I figure out how ..
To be successful and carefree and live life the way it's supposed to be - just letting the vibes flow effortlessly