He hurriedly glanced at his wristwatch again,
The shadow of the cross from the steeple
Landing in the middle of the watch.
A sigh echoed through the church courtyard,
And a few rats scurried out of their hide-aways.
They should be here by now.
The moon hung in the sky,
Trying and failing to shed light on what was below.
The harsh noise of a truck on gravel reached his ears,
And he breathed a sigh of relief.
The newcomer parked the truck and lumbered out,
Holding several filthy beer bottles in his large, grimy hands.
“Here you go.”
His voice was gruff, calloused even, as if it was being
Grated like cheese.
Money from the priest’s hands went into the driver’s hands,
And when the priest looked into his eyes,
They spoke legends of ******.
The truck drove away, and
Pretty soon the courtyard was silent again,
Except for the hoot of an owl,
The contented sigh of the priest, and the
Pop of a beer bottle being opened.

I was just staring at the invitation someone gave me
Yes, that someone who played a significant role in my life
My eyes are crying,  my heart's in agony
For I never thought it will bring me this strife

As tears rolled on my cheeks, I reminisced that day when we first met
That day when you gave my life a new direction
My reminiscing stopped for a knock was heard
"Twas my friend saying, "Hurry up, we're late for his ordination"

As I entered the church, I gazed at the altar
On that same altar where thirteen years ago
You held my hand, saying "I love you with all my heart
But there is someone whom I love more than the way I love you"

I see, it's God whom you really love more
I cannot blame you, for after all
You wanted to serve him for the rest of your life
All the while, you were waiting for His call

Today is the day you have been waiting for
The day where everyone will get to call you "Father"
How I wish we could have a picture together
But I am your ex-lover, It'll just make you bothered

The ceremony has ended, your mother saw me
My heart stopped, I didn't hear a noise
She muttered "Hey sweetie, long time no see!"
I was about to reply when I heard a familiar voice

As I gazed around I saw a lovely man
Yes, that same man  whom I loved for thirteen years
He still looks handsome in that clerical collar
I cannot speak a word, I embraced him, wetting his shirt with tears

He embraced me back, telling me "Dear, I'm sorry
For now, I cannot grant your dream wedding
But this I promise you, on that day
I'll be at the mass, I'll be the one presiding"

I left the church with a smile
Thanking God for that closure
As I watched you from afar for a while
I told myself "Someday, I'll be happy for sure"

Hello Pop,
You said you liked a good story.
I'm no good at tellen stories, coz you were always the one that told'em and I was always the one that listened but,
I got one now.

Not a nice one.
None'a that feel good **** you see on TV.
But, it's a story
and I owe you one.

It's about you,
the bits you missed,
and me:
the not so good for a so called 'good kid'.
Not that many called me that
But,
then you went and did.

Made me think I couldn't be so bad.

Yet here I am.

Throwin stone's when I've got no one to hit.
Too bored to eat or sleep, just fucken spit.
Wishen that great god gave me someone to hit.

I'm a sick girl, ya know.
That's what they tell me.

Sick compared to those straight kids -
the pride of Glory Spring.
"Glory to God!" they all fucken sing
and even me who can’t speak good
can still recite that invisible,
unbearable
ditsy
dimpled
****.
He was your favourite story and everyone elses, after all.
Vicar Roy made sure of that.

Vicar Roy.
With his crinkly eyes
his toothy grin
the way he wouldn't blink when you challenged him.
God while god was hiding from the mess he made,
but God was doin’ nothen for me.
Ma saw that before you could.
She wanted me out,
She wanted me taken to a real city so they could study my head,
the way it worked.
The way my words never came
just a crooked grin.
But, even when the crayons became weapons
and the kittens went missen
The Vicar went and blessed me the same way.

Glory Spring, with its neat little rows of cottages and cabbage gardens,
so evenly cut.
Soft colours,
bright greens.
So good,
good,
good.
Then I came along.
Rabid,
urban wild
itchen for a stomach slit
goin' "Guts for you"
after "Treat or trick?"
setten haystacks on fire
tryen to find the pin
only to drop it on purpose.

Are you scared of me, Pa?
I think even God is scared of what he created.
That's why we never see him,
but I'm here now Pa.
You can't hide from me
and I gotta story of why you don't gotta no more.

*******
truth pretender
parents send her
life defender

he's a ******
slimy maggot
feeling ragged
bag and tag it

hurting words
spitting herds
cheezy curds
stupid nerds

mental case
dizzy space
ugly face
**** my race

Time to kneel
grab a feel
scary tweel
innocence steal

Eat a steak
garden rake
veggie snake
life forsake

Not pretend
we defend
savior send
the end

Try it,
I highly recommend  it,
Just open your mouth to say,
I hurt,
I am in pain,
I  feel low,
I can't,
And hey presto!
Abracadabra!
You will be flooded with a long list from advisors and counsellors with:
Motivational  quotes,
Wise sayings,
Home made remedies,
You have been witched,
A list of remedies from Google,
A list of their personal experiences.
Famous of all:
Be young at heart,
Have a positive attitude,
Don't be a cry baby.
Do they understand your pain,
Your feelings,
Your hurt,
If only one would say,
I understand,
I know what you are going through,
I care.
So next time my advise is to,
Keep mum!
Go to a doctor,
Or best go to a priest and say,
"Father I have sinned."
At least he will pray for you.
God always forgives and your ills can be halved.

Where is God,
In the deep abysses of the soul
Or in the glowing
Enlightenment of the mind?
Is He found, in the emotional
smile of the heart?

Where is God?
Is He in the morning breeze
that blows as if
to chill the soul?
Or can He be found
in the rays of the sun
so fierce and bold
like the sword
of a fearless warrior
through a succulent rock?

Where is God?
Is He in the morning song
that comes in resonance
with the drumbeat of the heart?
Can He be found
in the feebleness of a sick bed?
Or in the silent face
of the dead?
Bold as cast iron,
only stained with a grin.

Where is God?
Is he in the frantic---
Frenzy face of a village priest?
Breathing fire and brimstone
Like the furnaces of hell?

Where is God?
Is He in the fatlings
of a rich table?
And a treasure chest
Filled with blood?

Where is God?
Can He be found
in the simple-docile-smile
of the child next door?
The epitome
of a wretched world.

Where is God?
Is He found
in our guilty conscience
that died
spoiling His world?

Why can’t I see Him?
Why can’t I find Him?
How much do I have
To stretch and scratch
Just to know
Maybe, for once;
That I’ve done the right thing,
and not failed?

Where is God?

I was a good human being,
Kept many orphans under my wing,
Did charity,
To the best of my ability,
Never missed a prayer,
Was always a soothsayer.
I chose the right path,
Never crossed your wrath,
Then, why from a tomb,
I am in another woman's womb.
During my death You showed me my life's journey,
Actually, it was funny,
From an amoeba, a single cell,
To so many reincarnations, difficult to retell.
A mole, a snake, a dog, a horse,
A pilot in the Indian Airforce,
A scientist, a politician, a millionaire, a priest,
Some births I had sinned, gone astray,
Angels had shown me the way.
Now,I had been a holi priest,
I had sinned the least,
Why?why?why?
I have to be reborn again,
Each time to a different culture,
another religion
Is it that I have yet to climb the last rung,
My sins completely washed,the last song sung.

Finding Peace

My heart is restless Lord I am searching
For joy when I should be looking for
Peace. I should be asking more of you and saying less of me. I know you have me here right now and it’s where I’m supposed to be. I don’t know how to try and I feel like I’m doing this only as a last resort. I want joy, but it’s peace that I need. I find peace when I am here in adoration and the grace that I receive. It’s hard to let go of trying to find joy, because I love joy and you have given me a joyful heart. Remind me not to love joy more than I ought to love you. Let Your Will be done Lord in and through me. Allow me to speak love and life into all I encounter and may the work be fulfilling. Perhaps I already have the answer in front of me even now. I am at peace when I am with you. If I am with you, I will know peace and there is so much good I can do as a priest. Poetry and prayers, mentoring, connecting with all people especially our young people, being a councilor and confidant and all these things give me joy. Maybe being a priest isn’t where I want to be, but maybe being a priest is where I need to be for me, for you, and for others. Please Lord, help me to discern ever more this big decision and I pray that wherever I go and whatever I do, I may find or be led to a place of peace. Help me find joy in all the things I have peace with and may i never lose the joy and the childlike faith and love that you have given me. Amen.