I hope when I walked into that place and bumped into you, my whole body did not react like it had many times before. I’d wait for my ultimate existence to completely abandon me, for my lips to shut down from glueing any smile, and for my legs to freeze up to fall to the ground weeping at your sight. But nothing happened. Nothing. Happened. There was no chemistry bonded inside me when we locked eyes. I couldn’t sense any wavelength between us anymore. I couldn’t feel any spark of electricity in my universe that I dreamed to live with you. You just looked like a regular guy with your regular hairstyle, nothing profound about you. My heart must have cleansed itself of you due to many late-night cry, must have gotten tired of me blaming myself for what had happened, and squeezed the feeling out of me while I was busy engulfing in tears.

Though we were both in the same ship, we were actually stayed in different cabins. Though we dreamed to revolve entirely around us, I was still galaxies away from you.

Ohhhh you can lead a frown.
But don’t expect your crown.
For we’re not easily snowed.
Cause we know you’re  known.
Tough, you can pick a fight. Ha.
Weak, you are insecure.
We. Know. Who you are.

Please, be back soon.
Honesty. Awaits you.
Generous, we like to be.
So gracious, we should see.
You Lie, behind your back. Foolish.
We. Know. Who you are.

Ohhhh, you can lead a sin.
But all equal, and forgiven’
Seek, halfheartedly.
You’ll only exist, and die existentially.
For we know you’re known.
Feel, free to be.
Reality, you can’t see.
We. Know. Who you are.

Embrace, humanities.
Disgrace in your humanity.
But who are we to judge you?
And to say what we say is true?
Leave in distaste, find a new pace.
For who are we to strike you down?
You do that to yourself anyway.

It’s so weird because you’re someone else’s
You’re not mine
Not in the slightest
And I miss you so much


I want to make you laugh
I want to hear your laugh again

I woke up this morning
And when I felt stomach pain
I hoped my kidneys were failing

When I went to sleep last night
I had hoped that would be the last time
I would have to close my eyes

I rewrote all my letters
Slid them into their envelopes
And sealed them

I cleaned up my room
And thought about what people would think
About the quotes and art on my wall

I gave up on
keeping track of how many times
I swallowed those white pills

I walked through my brother’s room
Looking at the facades
he so carefully tacked on his walls

When I woke up this morning
I just laid back down
When I realized I was still alive

I can’t even manage
To properly **** myself
****, I’m pathetic

As I rode my bike this morning
I looked up at the stars
And I started to tear up

All I could see
Was an empty sky
The stars have become static

I wish I hadn’t woken up this morning