I let you crawl under my skin
Like a parasite under flesh n bone
Slithering up my body to my jaw
Where you make your nest
Where I grind my teeth

You can't see depression
Only feel it
Haunting you for a lifetime
Infecting everything that you love
Friends
Family
Significant others
It's a parasite that never stops feeding
Draining you of energy
And evicting your former self
Sustaining life through a new vessel
Barely holding on to the life you once lived

Something within is festering
A mighty storm of rage
Swirling, twirling
Making me ill
It fills me with an
Unending angst
I think I know where it's from
But I have no idea
How to rid myself of it
If I am honest
It's made a home within me
I nurture it with darkness
Feeding it the parts of myself
I don't want others to see
We have a sort of agreement, now
In return for keeping it alive
It reminds me that I am too
It makes my heart race with passion
It makes me dizzy with ideas
That I couldn't possibly act out
I'm sure it's dangerous
But now we're symbiotic
And it's convincing me
I can't live without it

“Shall we live—
just to see if we can?”

She grinned wickedly,
lips touching both ears.

She posed the question
as if I went by “Eve,”

And so I said “why not?”
then tried my hardest.

But alas,
she was nothing but a parasite.

“You’ve got a friend in me.” –Randy Newman

You spread your lies through the disguise you’ve
Mastered so perfectly. Your sticky, honeyed words had
Me tangled in your alluring web. Each thread smothers a
Different part of my mind and body refusing to see the friend
I once knew had faded away. My thoughts belong to the parasite in
My conscience, trapping the truth in the rotting shell of a new me.

when shall i learn that a line must be drawn
for the sake of my sanity
how can i accept my own demise due to my service of others?
i must wash my hands clean of the guilt i possess
for i harm no one as greatly as myself

i swim in oceans of my misery and drown in pools of my sorrow
terror fills my lungs and breaks away at the tissue in them

¨careful!¨ i scream
i cannot allow myself to fall victim to my own mind
the racing and pumping of my thoughts breaking down the barriers i have built
there is nothing left to protect my self-esteem
no armed guards to stop the negativity in its tracks
no brick wall to block the sadness from reaching me

dangerous. is the only world i can use to describe my thoughts
a battlefield of mines bursting with anger
sticks of dynamite, disguised as flowers to lure and destroy
the question is, who are they meant to hurt?

are they meant to agitate me further to turn my back on myself?
refusing the possibility that happiness can be found?
or are they meant to bring pain to others?
to keep me in control of the opinions and decisions of my peers?
does she aim to help or control?

perhaps, my mind is losing track of what i was thinking
allowing me room to doubt myself
is my mind trying to convince me that i am the parasite in the lives of others,
feeding off of their souls
i believe she is right
to tell me that i do things in order to gain
she tells me, that i do not wish to help, only to hurt

i understand now that i am up against myself
left up to my own devices
no one is under obligation to assist me in battling my demons
i will struggle and fight, until my last breath
to let my own mind defeat me, is to allow defeat inside of my own fortress

i will never be unarmed again

you were the only one who could help me find my way
you were the only one who knows the things i have done
and you accepted me as i was

i love you like blooming flowers love the sun
i love you like sun parched dirt loves the rain
i love you in ways i will love no other
i love you because you are always there

but i cannot surrender myself to you
i cannot give you all that i am
because i want to be new
i cannot give you all that i want to be
because you are too similar to me

because in you lies the old me
the corpse lily that has threaded itself into your very core
taking everything and giving nothing in return
filling your essence with the stench of rotten flesh

and whether you were tarnished when i met you or not
i know i have crippled parts of you

I hate this town
The beige color hangs all over it
The sky is heavy and frigid
Not the kind of frigid that invigorates you
Not the kind of frigid that runs through you
Not the kind of frigid that buzzes around you and causes the hairs on your arms to rise
The kind of dull, heavy, good-for-nothing frigid that is like a wet blanket on you.
This town absorbs the inspiration from me
Like how the universe ***** all of our souls eventually
With cruel passion no longer how you fail to escape it
This is the town that grows on you
Like a parasite