when shall i learn that a line must be drawn for the sake of my sanity how can i accept my own demise due to my service of others? i must wash my hands clean of the guilt i possess for i harm no one as greatly as myself
i swim in oceans of my misery and drown in pools of my sorrow terror fills my lungs and breaks away at the tissue in them
¨careful!¨ i scream i cannot allow myself to fall victim to my own mind the racing and pumping of my thoughts breaking down the barriers i have built there is nothing left to protect my self-esteem no armed guards to stop the negativity in its tracks no brick wall to block the sadness from reaching me
dangerous. is the only world i can use to describe my thoughts a battlefield of mines bursting with anger sticks of dynamite, disguised as flowers to lure and destroy the question is, who are they meant to hurt?
are they meant to agitate me further to turn my back on myself? refusing the possibility that happiness can be found? or are they meant to bring pain to others? to keep me in control of the opinions and decisions of my peers? does she aim to help or control?
perhaps, my mind is losing track of what i was thinking allowing me room to doubt myself is my mind trying to convince me that i am the parasite in the lives of others, feeding off of their souls i believe she is right to tell me that i do things in order to gain she tells me, that i do not wish to help, only to hurt
i understand now that i am up against myself left up to my own devices no one is under obligation to assist me in battling my demons i will struggle and fight, until my last breath to let my own mind defeat me, is to allow defeat inside of my own fortress