when shall i learn that a line must be drawn
for the sake of my sanity
how can i accept my own demise due to my service of others?
i must wash my hands clean of the guilt i possess
for i harm no one as greatly as myself

i swim in oceans of my misery and drown in pools of my sorrow
terror fills my lungs and breaks away at the tissue in them

¨careful!¨ i scream
i cannot allow myself to fall victim to my own mind
the racing and pumping of my thoughts breaking down the barriers i have built
there is nothing left to protect my self-esteem
no armed guards to stop the negativity in its tracks
no brick wall to block the sadness from reaching me

dangerous. is the only world i can use to describe my thoughts
a battlefield of mines bursting with anger
sticks of dynamite, disguised as flowers to lure and destroy
the question is, who are they meant to hurt?

are they meant to agitate me further to turn my back on myself?
refusing the possibility that happiness can be found?
or are they meant to bring pain to others?
to keep me in control of the opinions and decisions of my peers?
does she aim to help or control?

perhaps, my mind is losing track of what i was thinking
allowing me room to doubt myself
is my mind trying to convince me that i am the parasite in the lives of others,
feeding off of their souls
i believe she is right
to tell me that i do things in order to gain
she tells me, that i do not wish to help, only to hurt

i understand now that i am up against myself
left up to my own devices
no one is under obligation to assist me in battling my demons
i will struggle and fight, until my last breath
to let my own mind defeat me, is to allow defeat inside of my own fortress

i will never be unarmed again

you were the only one who could help me find my way
you were the only one who knows the things i have done
and you accepted me as i was

i love you like blooming flowers love the sun
i love you like sun parched dirt loves the rain
i love you in ways i will love no other
i love you because you are always there

but i cannot surrender myself to you
i cannot give you all that i am
because i want to be new
i cannot give you all that i want to be
because you are too similar to me

because in you lies the old me
the corpse lily that has threaded itself into your very core
taking everything and giving nothing in return
filling your essence with the stench of rotten flesh

and whether you were tarnished when i met you or not
i know i have crippled parts of you

I hate this town
The beige color hangs all over it
The sky is heavy and frigid
Not the kind of frigid that invigorates you
Not the kind of frigid that runs through you
Not the kind of frigid that buzzes around you and causes the hairs on your arms to rise
The kind of dull, heavy, good-for-nothing frigid that is like a wet blanket on you.
This town absorbs the inspiration from me
Like how the universe ***** all of our souls eventually
With cruel passion no longer how you fail to escape it
This is the town that grows on you
Like a parasite

you always come crawling back
chasing me into fields of black
tell me, why do you keep falling for me
only to feed off my heart like a dog's flea
you hold my chin and look into my soul with a sly grin
why am I your heart's kingpin?
I'd almost fall for you again
but I know I'll be left for dead in the pouring rain

You, the ashen alyssum
homing in on dark bushes
breeding maggots
feeding on flesh.  

You the fetid parasite  
carrion, the rotten stink
a toxin laced tongue
devouring pith.

You, the stench of
malignant blossoms
a venomous creeper, you
had to attract snakes.

You live among the graves
the poison pollinator,
a corpse floret
of foul odour.

You the venin
cloaked in smirk
a shrew, spiked with malice
must be crushed,
must die.

I know I'm ******* wrong
I'm the sickness in the poor man's bones.
Parasytical, I move in you
I drive your desire,
Feed you fire
Slip away when I'm overthrown.

Face your fears
In the mirror
You know you crave Death's chase.
Pupils black
Staring back
I can touch your face.

Fingertips cold,
Baby you're bold,
You don't flinch away.
I enter through a single sin
Slipping underneath your skin
Oh Darling,
I am here to stay.