My hand held out...
...to guard your back
When your friendships lacked
...to give money or supplies
When you couldn't survive
...to hold your hand
When you needed support
...to give you a hug
When you needed love
...to high five yours
At all of your endeavors
...to pat on your back
When you succeeded this or that
...to throw a thumbs-up
Because you never gave up

My hand held out...
...to cover my eyes
Through all of the lies
...to hide evidence
When you lacked common sense
...to understand the unreal
Amounts of items you'd steal
...to my chin to stipulate
The way you'd manipulate
...to cover my heart and divert
From your stories that hurt.

I could do this when I had two hands.
I could juggle these separate demands.
My dominant hand is limp now.
The tasks I take on are now simple.
I can only do one thing at a time.
Like, write out this single line rhyme.

When you see my hand out...
...from utter desperation
Please don't tabulate your accommodation
...remember I never asked before my disability
That you had previously admired my stability
...homeless, ***** and hungry
Offer to help me, without charging money
...keep in mind, it's the only one I have
My abilities and tasks all need to be halves
...perhaps don't act put-out or surprised
Because the person who's asking is paralyzed.

My freedom of expression,
Or, freedom to exist...
I've had to suppress, any implication,
That I was free, IT was free,
Or that I could rest.
My obligations became innovations,
My "freedom" was a serious test.

Shut my mouth.
Silence my thought.
Burn holes in my own sky...
To survive,
Just to... Get by.

There's no blood on the hand
of the devil begging for a gun...
But, the blood of my son,
My thoughts, my thighs,
My sun, my sky...
I'm paralyzed.
I idealized and fantasised
...a metaphor...
Something in-between dead and alive.

But this is literal.

Cry freedom for a body that fails.
An existing breath that bent steel.
Locked in the prison with 10 wardens.
Slave to a super power.
And I'm furious you sent me a bill.
I ate your currency.
I'm... Fed... Up.

Your devil is free to stare,
poke fun and share
...the misery...
...my suffering...
I'm paralyzed.

This is literal.

A year has passed since I crashed my motorcycle.
The road rash had since been cast away.
The fast paced life was smashed together.
A singular bash that cached my memory.
Lights flash and whiplash has new meaning.
This thrash blinked my eyelash three days later.
Dreary forecast laid flabbergasted.

I couldn't speak
Say something!
Tell them what's wrong!

I couldn't move
Pick your feet up!
Don't make them carry you!

My body was trembling
It hurts!
Stop hurting!

In and out I went
Where am I?
Who is touching me?

I was paralyzed
although there was nothing wrong

My mind had become a jail

Life was turning me into a prisoner

And my body had given up

I'm not old
I haven't been here for long
I have no profound wisdoms
I haven't yet learned all that a person can learn from life
But my heart is tired
It's sad and bruised
Dried out and hollow
A few years ago I had the ability to fall in love easily
Now I don't know how to love at all

My heart aches to be loved
To be moved in many ways
But my feelings were always shoved
Into the dark, excruciating haze

I want to feel something
Anything in fact
But my heart is on a hinge
Feeling numb, my emotions going blank

It's cold in here
Filled with my salty tears
It starts to beat slower
Breaking into large shears

I barricade myself
Afraid of being loved, not being hurt
My feelings bailed
Saying I'm a curse

My feelings back stabbed me
I feel so paralyzed
Now I know, now I see
It's my own personal sign

I wasn't meant to be loved
No man can fix my agonized heart
It's never going to be enough
To fix what's been long broken and deserted.

It’s like being stuck in a vivid daydream.
I’m awake but paralyzed, as if I were still asleep.
I keep fading in and out through dreams
While I’m staring at the wall.
Is this death?
Then why am I so powerless?
lmt

If I could have
I would have
But I couldn't
And I can't
And I'm *sorry