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Iris Nyx Sep 2015
I can't stop moving
I'm restless but weak
I can't stop

I can't feel my legs
Or my fingers
I can't breathe

I can't see straight
My head is whirling
My stomach is empty

But I can't eat
I can't move
And I cant stop moving

I'm screaming
But also I can't speak
I'm gasping

Because again; I can't breathe
And I can't think
And I can't function
And I can't be good

And also I can't
Live
This way
I can't

Live
They've been coming more often.  I hate it.  So much.
C M L Sep 2015
Breathe in, out, in, out, in
Her lips formed the words as she scrunched up her nose, her eyes shutting tightly.
Hands shot out and gripped onto the bag of the person leading her,
"Don't leave me" she whispered so they couldn't hear
So they couldn't notice the tears.
Besides if they did then
then they'd feel obligated to help.
Teeth bit down ******* her bottom lip, blood seeping slowly into her already crazed senses.
Now I've hurt myself too. ****. **** **** fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
Repetition wasn't an option, it was the only way to think when in a crowd. It was the only way thoughts stuck in her head.
Her knuckles were turning white as she gripped on harder with every passing body that bumped into her. Getting lost was not an option. Someone would try to help her and just see that she was a freak.
Freak freak freak freakfreakfreakfreakfreak.
Don't let them see. She couldn't let them see the short, hasty breaths or the wild, big eyed looks of panic. She couldn't let them see the speck of blood on her lip or white, sweaty knuckles.
It had to be over soon though right? Her right eye peaked at the scene around her, and the people were thinning out. Slowly she released her grip on the bag, shaking fingers being shoved into her pockets which only felt like they were now vibrating her entire self. She returned her eye to the ground as she tried to force out slower, uneven breathing. Her friend looked back at her with a sympathetic smile.
Her cheeks turned bright red, they did notice. Did they mind? It didn't seem like it. But who knows. All she knew was she only had limited time to prepare herself for the next round in the crowds.
Hyperventilation
Depleting frustration
Suffocation
A painful sensation
Desperation
Without moderation
Devastation
Eternal damnation
Deprivation
Emotional mutilation
Derealization
Fear escalation
Depersonalization
Self extermination
This kind of sums up my feelings during a panic attack.
Cat Fiske May 2015
don't hand in,
anything  
ever written,
during a* **panic attack.
you will be sent to guidance,
Cat Fiske May 2015
Every night
The nightmares come
Tearing at her
Until she comes undone.
Every night
They stay the same
Taunting her
Until she goes insane.
Every night
She stays awake,
How much more
Can one girl take?
Every night
Her cries aren’t heard,
Or if they are
No one says a word,
Just another things about waking up in a panic attack because of your ptsd
Anna Claxwell May 2015
Heart beats violently
Eyes start blurring
Pace is pulsing
Mind is racing
Tears are pouring
Connor C Blake Mar 2015
This moment was never mine
But somehow I found the arrogance to hold onto it
To fear it, to fight it, to somehow decide if it was wrong or if it was right
or if I was even alive inside it, and if I would survive it
To see the next one roll around and drown whatever fragile solace I found.

But before the answer finds me, the next moment and I meet.
And this one isn’t too keen to let me believe it’d be okay to just breathe
Without thinking about the million little reasons I'm too scared to leave

So I’ll stay
And I’ll huff and I'll puff
But no amount of breath will ever be enough
To satisfy the divide between my lungs and my mind

Whatever moment is next to be, but I guess it’s not meant to be
Because I never find the next moment, it always finds me

But there doesn’t seem to be any peace in this fresh start
Only faster thumps from my restless heart
Telling my fingers and knees to shake so violently,
The pillars of sand beneath my feet dissolve back into the sea
And leave me bobbing for air like it isn’t free

And then a new moment hangs its noose around me
and tightens an iron grip around my throat
taunting “think fast kid, dead bodies don’t float”
But I can’t let go, so I just sit there and watch myself choke

And just when the oxygen no longer comes
A new moment claws its way down to the pit of my lungs
Digging up an old ladder with a new set of rungs

I’m still alive, right?
The wires are crossed, but they’re still clicking, the gears are still spinning, clock hands still ticking,
So why am I so incapable of winning?

Which moment am I living in?
Or maybe there’s not much difference between now and then

But before my mind and I can make amends
A new moment interrupts and begins it all again

Send help, dear friend.
Anyone who has ever struggled with the moment to moment battles of anxiety, panic, depression, or any other illness will surely find some ounce  of truth in this.

.
Mel Harcum Feb 2015
My chest feels tight as a blindfold
wrapped around my eyes, and
when did it get so hot in here?
Turn down the heat, someone, please
get me a glass of water and a bucket,
my stomach is turning,
I feel like throwing up.
Count: one, two, three, four
my heart races, my breath comes
hitched as the sound of pattering rain
outside, where the wind whistles
like the ringing in my ears.

Am I the only one awake?
Lia Feb 2015
her mouth opens
silent scream
her hands clutch her heart
so uselessly
salty tears curl around her cheeks
drip on her tongue
everything sounds like tv static
her lungs are in a panic
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