I had a thought —
it slipped.
A line to speak —
just clipped.

I meant to say
what’s wrong,
but maybe I
came on too strong.

My chest said go,
my mouth said wait.
My throat just held
a heavy weight.

I wrote it down —
then backspaced all.
It felt too weak,
it felt too small.

I wish I could
explain this fear,
but words run dry
when you get near.

So if I stall
or start to shake —
it’s not a game,
it isn’t fake.

It’s just that when
my mind gets loud,
my voice gets lost
inside the crowd.

कशात हुडकावा आनंद
हे आजकाल कळेनासं झालंय,
आनंदी राहायचं कारण
आजकाल मिळेनासं झालंय.

जुने दिवस आठवावे म्हणतो,
जरा भावनिक होईन म्हणतो...
पण मग पडतो प्रश्न येऊन –
की भावना तरी उरल्यात का आता?
आश्रू अनावर व्हायला,
ते अश्रू तरी उरलेत का आता?

प्रेमाला शोधायच्या आशेने
आयुष्याच्या जंगलात भटकतो,
खोट्या आशेच्या नदीत
थोडा वेळ पहुडतो.
पण होईन का मी ओला प्रेमाने त्या नदीत?
का होईल मला भास,
आणि पडेन मी दुःखाच्या दरीत?
का दिसेल मला मृगजळ
त्या भाबड्या, प्रेमळ हरणाचं?

जाऊदे ते सगळं –
मी जाऊन काहीतरी खातो,
पाणीपुरीतलं पाणी
जरा मिटक्या मारत पितो.
पण मग येतं डाएट आडवं
आणि दाखवतं जाडी माझी –
"३६ ची पॅन्ट घालायची लायकी आहे का तुझी?
पोटावर पडल्यात वळ्या,
आणि गाल झालेत गुबगुबीत,
हत्ती सारखे पाय तुझे,
शरीर दिसतंय बटबटीत!"

मग आठवतं मला करिअर,
आणि मिळवू म्हणतो पैसा...
करिअरच्या टेन्शनने
क्षीण होऊन जातो नाहीसा.
इतके श्रीमंत होऊ की
असेल बंगला, गाडी,
भरपूर फ्लॅट घेऊ,
महिन्याला येतील भाडी.
पण तिथे तरी हा माजोर्डा रूबाब
देईल का मला सुख?
आणि एवढं सगळं करून शेवटी मला
राहील का आनंदाची भूक?

कशात हुडकावा आनंद?
हे आजकाल कळेनासं झालंय...
आनंदी राहायचं कारण
आजकाल मिळेनासं झालंय.

Measure every word,
Every use of punctuation,
Every emoticon and emoji
Down to the smallest gram

Think twice. No--
Thirteen times,
Before opening your mouth.
And dont talk too much or you're self centred

Check every message, comment.
Nothing too harsh
Nothing insensitive
Nothing that might scare them away
Or tarnish their view of you

Write
Delete
And rewrite
Then quickly send before you chicken out

Time and tide waits for none.
I wish I wasn’t so dumb.
I feel too much, but I can't handle even one.
I wish I was special, but that won't happen, son!
I wish I was perfect, but this fake pretense makes me succumb.

My body feels stiff, and I break a cold sweat.
I’m not afraid of people,
but my body says otherwise.

That gut-wrenching nausea whenever I leave my room.
That vexing sensation every time I sit to dine.
That suffocating lump in my throat every time I’m yelled at—it shines.
That teary eye every time I had to defend my lines.

I wish I could lead you to my mind.
I wish I could lead you to my mind.

The constant naggings and whispers.
The feeling of never being enough.
The existential dread.

I hate it all.
I hate it all.

Call it self-pity.
Call it self-victimizing.
And I won’t even call you out.

I’m just happy you don’t have to feel what I feel.
I’m just having a random crashout.
I mean, gotta do something, right?
For stayin’ alive?

I’m sorry, but I feel Nervous.

                                                                            - Asher Graves

Am I annoying?
Too loud?
It feels like
I'm friends with shadows

Wondering why
No one replies
No one makes plans with me

Who'd want to be
With someone
Who's quiet one moment
And annoying the other?

Left out
Alone
Hurting

But I wouldn't want
To be a burden
So I **** it up
Stay quiet

Everything is so terrifying for the introvert going outside—
the overthinker rehearses all of their prestored sentences,
Sitting on impeccable lines with no trace of uncertainty,
but ever so certain that it’s what the ear wants to hear.
The hopeless romantic knows the picture of a good love
story, but can’t seem to paint that picture for themselves—
Because imagination never quite imitates real emotion.
                                                        ­         And it’s irritating.

But haven’t I been them all? A single character playing
too many roles— the pencil in my story, trying to sketch
out the scenery of a better life. The pen, trying to write
out a good script that fits in the ink folds of my cerebellum.
My skin wears the wrinkles of time, bruises like an overcoat—
a weathered face, but it’s body has no spring in its step.

I’ve been depressed. But when you’re made to grow up too
fast, to keep pace with the world, what else do you expect?

Still, don’t expect me to be anything less than my level best.
Elevated fears go up, while my hope quietly goes down.
Yet on the upside? I stopped pretending to flip my frown
upside down. Some days I’m up. Most days I’m so down.
But I’m not always down— just holding onto the little hope
I find in creation; beauty painted out from my frustrations.
Like the weather, my mood keeps shifting. And whether
you’re caught in a long winter after a short summer,
Don’t worry— it’s all just a passing season.

it's all fun and games, but it's always the same
same bed and same room, same ceiling I'm staring at again.
till it's middle of the night
and the hole that's inside
growls hungrily through the quiet night.

and I'm trying to stop it, trying to fill it
buying cheap things that i see on the ads.
but somehow serotonin is there for a sec
so it disappears faster than i can feel it inside my head.

and oh, feeling lonely?
watch some lesbian movies
try not to think much and better stop as they kiss
cause it's always the same, the same look, and same ***
and then someone's dies and their love fades away.

makes you feel better, right? hits right in the spot!
didn't you want it? well, that's all we got.
take it or leave it, you have no choice
comprehend your existence, tomorrow might not come.

cause some men just decided we had enough peaceful time
nuclear war sounds great, bring your weapons to frontline.
sell your siblings, your father, they might not come back later
but you're serving for good, isn't that what they said?

**** more man, **** the kids. we will say you were drunk
but your future still bright, keep on with it's shine
obscure someone's whim behind its lights.
these days persons life doesn't cost that much.

write more stuff, create art, sell yourself, life's online
it's thriving, it's giving, saturated to tops
it seems overflowing, while you're doomscrolling
while you're bedrotting, unplugging your mind.

oh, i think of all of this
a million thoughts in my head
and i am still staring
at the ceiling while lying in bed.