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ash 2d
and my question for you tonight
what are you most scared of
in the pale moonlight
when you're by yourself
and you imagine a life where there isn’t any fear
what do you wish you wouldn’t have to bear?

i’ll start, i guess—
i’m scared of loud noises
people screaming
put me in direct contact
and i’ll lose all my feelings

i’m scared of broken ceramics
violence, hitting, cursing, breaking
i remember tea stains on the walls
pieces of a once whole, beautiful cup
strewn about, broken everywhere

i’m scared of the heights
only on days when i feel just too light
that i might just let go
what if i fall and what if there’s nothing that’ll hold me back
or a ledge to hold on

i’m scared of the compact
too many monsters all at once
perhaps i’ll crack
a pressure, eyes upon me
i could disguise, pretend
but i hate all that i see

i’m scared of losing all this kind
of losing who i am
and this battle in my mind
going cross-eyed even as i write
i’m scared of failing, falling,
not being able to swim back up
simply drowning

i’m scared of loving too much
perhaps enough and never being loved back
and it could be a lie or an irony
but i’m scared of nursing a broken heart
or breaking one myself
for i wouldn’t want it
wouldn’t want to see the mess
but it happens, happens way too much
and i have to play pretend

i’m scared of speaking
of what if you see the hidden meanings
of what if you just don’t— and ignore me
what if i speak, and there’s nobody to listen
and even if they do listen, what if i burden

i’m scared of being lost
in the depths, in the lows,
not being able to express does that to you the most
and i fear losing
losing all that i’ve built
every step i’ve taken
every memory i’m sewn in
all the moments out of time i’ve milked
to the very last drop
feelings i’ve penned down, every last thought

i’m scared of— not being enough
perhaps i am not
but even so— i deserve to exist
exist without a doubt or second thoughts
and i shall revoke anyone’s rights
don’t make me feel like it might
be better if i ceased to exist
i fear it and i fear what if a day comes
when i can’t write, listen, see or speak

and what if i lose
lose you, and what if i get punished
for things i haven’t even done but simply being blamed for
and what if you see me with the eyes that carry despise
hatred perhaps, i fear what if a day comes
and i just don’t see you anywhere or here, in fact

i’m scared of a lot more
of being left behind
overlooked, perhaps thrown to the side
never healing from things i can’t even speak of
and perhaps staying the same
missing out, accidentally meeting upon accidents
that could become part of the worst nightmares or
failing, falling on dreams and been a betrayed chore

the list goes on
but i can’t speak it out loud
or answer it when i ask you all about
what are you scared of?
so i just say spiders, and move on.
i hate this and i hate meds.
I like it at night,
Pacing through the house,
Just my thoughts and me,
Quiet like a mouse.

Cleaning up the messes,
Putting away the day,
Reflecting on each hour,
Resetting the sun’s play.

I light a candle or two,
Letting shadows softly dance,
The flickering glow reminds me
That darkness still has chance.

I sip water from my cup,
Feeling gratitude’s gentle weight,
Thankful for these silent hours
Before tomorrow awakes.

Sometimes I’ll play music,
Maybe I’ll softly sing,
This quiet time with the Universe,
Planning intentions I hope she’ll bring.
And sometimes instead, I just weep.
zh 5d
Is that all there is?
I'm in wooden canoe sliding down perfect green grass
riding the little uneven dips
yet rolling down smoothly
but the tide comes in
when we're nowhere near the coast
but hey-** that's what the canoe's built for
the tide pushes us down mountainous sliding terrain
my back aches and my mouth is dry from screaming
my fingers tightly ache
this can't be it
all that remains is me and this hideous keyboard
typing out things that never make sense
i cannot understand what i am fighting for
what dinosaur is after me
I'm a caveman with a fully stocked fridge and roof over my head
the survival instincts are alive and well
and yet...
I've achieved everything but nothing at all
I have nothing to show for it
Just a desperate desire to not be wrong again
Not to disappoint people anymore
And be a friend worth having
No way that's it
a too-eventful childhood and adolescence, a politician's scheduled teenagedom and a painfully mediocre twenties
health and wellbeing sacrificed just for a bachelor's
failure after failure in a master's
all to just have one 'unsuccessful' after another in my inbox
and endless promises to my family that I am unable to make good
I thought my people pleasing could at least land me a retail job
but here I am, leading the blind
at the cusp of sitting the hardest exam I'll ever do
and physically and emotionally dead inside
the law I fell in love with
the freedom of learning
my brain's hemispheres turning on their sides and the rainbow eclipsing them
taught me to fight even with endless red tape
there's always something more
only to end up with the door slammed in my face everywhere I turn
I am worse off than I started
the only difference is the stakes are higher
and with every birthday I am too old to not be financially independent
with every birthday comes theirs
and I cannot take anymore
we are all getting old now
I don't know what I like or who I am anymore
I am eternally lost
and I don't know how to write anymore
maybe I missed the boat
I rolled down the hill when I should've walked
that's all there is
post covid job market crisis!
Words that rise from heart and mind,
A war within, no peace to find,
Decisions swirl, no clear reply,
Questions hang beneath the sky.


Anxiety within my veins,
A restless storm that still remains,
Sleep is lost, it will not stay,
How long will this not fade away?


How long will I be trapped inside,
This war with nowhere left to hide,
How long will questions haunt the night,
Before this soul can find its light?
when you stay up late and thoughts flow like a river in your head
nobody wants to hear my cries,
or the whispers of my aching heart,
I hope that maybe soon my heart dies,
so I no longer have to carry the guilt of things that I have not done,
I wait for the day I don't have to care,
can flea from every issue,
faster than a cheetah can even dream to run,
but even when my brain repeats,
like a broken record of all the things that once went wrong,
I wipe my own tears in the car's backseat,
because nothing in life is ever that significant,
or never should be, to me anyway,
but unfortunately you were truly magnificent.
I don't know how I feel about this poem so please please tell me how you feel!!
I live on an island.
Just me and my 2.3 million thoughts.

It's getting crowded here,
I looked to the right,
and the money worries are in sight

I turn a corner,
there's housing waiting for an order

I spin around to the sound of my Independence,
crying with fear,
she may be about to be taken away

I look up and see my capabilities questioning me

I need my thoughts to stop all talking
This island is too full.
I want to get off

My finances are taking a hit
It's not my fault,
Not one bit

I can't take on anymore. My Island is about to sink

On the count of three… just stop.
A poem I wrote on the heart of stress and anxiety. I'm so glad I found poetry it's so therapeutic.
Indra L Jul 18
Fear teaches me, sort of aimlessly.

Blaming a resilience I wish I'd seen,
The punch I wish I’d been -
A prey I wished I'd hit.

Overshadowing the dopamine I’d like to feel.

Via guilt-induced tears, effortfully shield-building.
Via timeless dampening -
I’m nervously standing, brainlessly censoring.

But never has anger crossed that brain,
Never have I ever played this game.
Okay, so—
I didn’t just walk out.
I ran.
Not in a cool, slow-mo movie way.
More like tripping over a slipper
and accidentally knocking over my own confidence.

From what?
Everything.
The noise, the drama, the people who say
“Can I give you some feedback?”
(Please don’t. I’m fragile.)

I ran from my to-do list,
from “urgent” group calls,
and that one aunty who asks
if I’ve “lost weight or just look sick.”
Honestly, both.

I ran when I saw my old teacher at the grocery store.
I ran when someone asked,
“What’s your 5-year plan?”
I barely have a 5-minute one
and it mostly involves snacks.

Call it immature—
I call it survival.

I didn’t pack much.
Just chips, a charger,
and a carefully folded blanket of denial.

No regrets.
Now I’m somewhere quiet,
where no one talks about promotions,
weddings,
or “what I’ve accomplished lately.”

Just me, my hoodie,
and a growing list of things I pretend don’t exist
This poem is a lighthearted escape anthem for anyone who's ever felt overwhelmed by expectations, social noise, or the constant pressure to "have it all together." It's funny, yes-but underneath the humor is that very real desire to just breathe for a minute without being watched, judged, or measured. If you've ever wanted to run from life just to hear your own thoughts again, this one's for you.
Kalliope Jul 21
She sits with her silence,
Bound by her thoughts.
Life continues anyway,
But join in, she does not.

Though she would like to,
It takes time to decide,
And once she gets ready,
There’s no room in the ride.

So maybe she’ll start walking,
Or she’ll stay frozen in fear.
She wants to go somewhere else,
But she seems to be stuck here.

She’s found a doorway
Just a handful of times,
But every time she moves closer,
Further away it flies.

There must be a lesson
In this self-aware prison,
A continuous torturous cycle
From which she hasn’t risen.

Swirling and thrashing
In circular motions,
Part of her must like
Being breathless in the ocean.

Yet there’s a small part
On the left side of her brain
That hates this **** cycle,
The suffocation insane.

But she doesn’t control movement
And barely steers thoughts,
So here she goes again,
Busting down doors that should remain locked.

She’s scared to read new stories
With endings untold,
When all familiar tales
End predictably bitter and cold.

There’s bite to the freeze, though,
And pleasure in pain.
Echoes fill her mind’s chamber:
“Free us from these chains.”

No, she doesn’t need saving,
She’s working out the clues.
You say she’s isolating,
But it’s what she has to do.

So very easily distracted,
Hypnotized by honeyed words,
She falls in love so quickly,
Abandoning her puzzled curse.

And when it surely fizzles out,
She’s back here at square one,
A couple days of crashing out,
Erasing all the work she’s done.
Twenty seven years of this and it's surely lost it's fun
Sasha Jul 20
It’s been over 24 hours since I heard a ping from him—
Or at least that’s what my mind tells me.

I know he works a lot.
But it’s been weeks since we really seen each other.

Does he care?

He calls me babe.
He sends me cat memes.
He says he misses me.

Did I mess something up?

I text.
An hour goes by.
My mind whispers: This is all a waste.

I almost end it.
But I don’t want to.

I want to see him again—
Kiss him,
Hug him,
Talk to him.

Tell him the things he needs to know.

About me.

Ping.

It stops.
I’m not overthinking anymore.
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