She seemed so distantly broken.
Haunted shadows lurk in dark corners,
waiting for the slight curve of her smile,
the first sign of happiness,
to attack.
Crashing her world down around her,
I offer my hand to pull her out
of the familiar rubble,
scooping her up in my arms,
searching for safe ground
where the suicide bombers of depression
won’t be able to touch her.
Fear raged through her body
like fever and overdose.
Worlds spinning circles,
colors blurring
and behind
hazy eyes
shallow breaths.
Sticking graves into the tortured hollows
of the chambers of the heart.
She is limb against my body
and I know that standing will not
be easy,
but I am strong enough for you
to lean on.
The backbone that will keep you upright,
for I am one of the few
parts of yourself that you love,
and I have never needed you more.
A screaming ambulance arrives
and paramedics flushing
your veins full of
IV bags with hope.
Clearing the poison of your system left behind
by the touch of demons
who have been haunting you for five years.
But I have known you my entire life.
Small girl, curly hair,
chipped nail polish,
black eye makeup.
I can instantly recognize you
as myself.
Brought together by chance,
in a classroom used as a safety base
for life’s game of tag that kept hitting us.
About ready to quit,
we were offered the chance
to love ourselves and eachother.
And through that discovery, this game
became so much easier to play
once we can double team it.
Quickly developed a love
you do not find in romantic relationships.
A comfort that lies solely in the unbreakable
bond of twins.
Spilled secrets
over steaming mugs
of raspberry tea.
Late night talks and comfort food binges.
We no longer had to speak.
We told stories with our eyes,
and painted murals with mascara tracks,
and crimson tears washed down the drains
from our thighs.
Our weakest moments hitting carefully.
No shorts.
No skirts.
No dresses.
The truth kept behind stained bandages
tucked away in bottom drawers
quietly stuffing our ***** secrets into our laundry.
Red lipstick hearts
on mirrors and
X’s on the backs of our hands,
marking us discounted;
damaged goods.
Returned over
and over again
until insecurity was definite and hope
was a far off dream so
we stretched our clipped wings,
no longer able to fly so we
simply had to learn how to break
the falls.
So we tightened the screws on pencil sharpeners
so the blade couldn’t be extracted in a moment of
weakness,
then poured our heart and souls
into glasses and toasted to our futures.
I want to wrap you in laughter
and sing to you the soundtrack of
the best memories that we had.
You deserve this happiness
and tonight
you are alive
and you are beautiful
even if you don’t want to be.
So take my hand
and close your eyes.
Just listen.
I love you,
just breathe.

All I need is a needle
And a spoon
I've got the balloons
The cotton ball, lighter
Drive higher up the mountains
Where no one will find me
And get really high
For the
Last
Time