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Sade LK Aug 2015
Sitting, smoking a sheet to a 90s playlist
Cooking a shot for the road
A fix for the fever I'll have 3 hours later
A thread to mend my torn soul.
And this hole's been ripped open
As a means to match the broken
But this beating, endless bleeding
Bruised the backbone of that notion
leaving only one thing left to test
The drop from out that ocean
Dripping quickly into glistening
Pretty glitter ****** of poison.

Corrosive rot and dull decay
Haunt the walls of every room
Prisoner to the ball and chain
That stains my veins dark blue.
Reminiscence is a ghost,
A life I never knew-
Sipping from a silver spoon,
That father's day in June.

My blood, my bones, my family
All just memories in the air
That kick up with the gusts of wind
And tickle through my hair.
A reminder that I still can't feel,
And they were never there-
My body left me long ago
And no one ever cared.
Written June 21st, 2015
Sade LK Dec 2014
OCD
My scars don't look like
Anyone else's-
They're more careful,
Organized, precise and
Exact.
Not light, but
Never deep enough
Never deep enough
Never deep enough
Never deep enough.

People always ask why
I do such pretty patterns:
Because this is the only thing in life
That I can really control
Control
Control,

And I find it so beautiful-
Though, not so much tragic.

My scars are not chaotic like a
Car-wreck,
They are consistent like a
Coma-
Proof that I was awake
The whole time I was sleeping,
And I could feel everything
Even though I could tell no one.
No one.

That this
Unconscious obsessive compulsion
Demands order
Order
Order,
it
Insists by instinct,
An intricate simplicity.

Still, I will 'ever envy
Those stitched gashes, once
Gushing
Gushing
Gushing with surrender and
Serenity...
Each raised and rough coarse collagen fiber
To form a white flag
Forever etched in flesh;
To tell the world
They, were a ***** to freedom-

I am only a *****
To *myself.
Written December 6th & 8th, 2014
Sade LK Dec 2014
All I need is a needle
And a spoon
I've got the balloons
The cotton ball, lighter
Drive higher up the mountains
Where no one will find me
And get really high
For the
Last
Time
Written December 1st, 2014
Sade LK Nov 2014
On the day that David died, I was
Sitting sober, wishing I was high
And it was always like that during those
Couple clean months.
The first person I told didn't care-
What's another dead ******?
As if the trash took itself out.

I didn't go to his funeral,
Didn't really know him that well.
I didn't cry when I found out,
Wasn't all that surprised-
He had been talking about it for a while now.
And we questioned, of course
But answers aren't always enough.
I wonder what was enough
To lead him there, lying on those cold tracks,
Waiting.

You said,
"He put his earphones in and closed his eyes."
My first thought was,
"I wonder what he was listening to
For the last time..."
You said you hadn't thought of that.

And I also wondered what he must've saw
Behind shut eyelids in an all dark mind
As the weight of the train
And the weight of the world
Trembled the tracks and trudged closer.
He told his little sister,
"Make sure they know,
I am happy now."
Maybe everything began to feel warm
Like the sensation of coming home
After years of being
Lost.

And I have to admit:
I've since thought to myself, many times-
"That lucky *******..."
He got out.
Certainly couldn't blame him.
Cause on the day that David died,
I was wishing I could join him.

On the day that David died
I was sitting sober,
Planning my own suicide.
Written November 18th, 2014
RIP David Taylor
Sade LK Nov 2014
You never told me your
Plans for thanksgiving.
Maybe you knew
By then I
Wouldn't be part of
Your family
Anymore.
Written November 16th, 2014
Sade LK Nov 2014
Driving through these city streets,
And it feels just like floating on a
Machine cloud.
Like I'm high above the
Rusted, automated mechanical world, and
Somehow softer, warmer than metal.
These heavy gears, turning
Twisted up and breaking down.
Only to be built back into order
By bustling, stoic robotics.
There is a golden glow to this
Streetlight night scene-
I can feel it buzzing, a bioluminescence
Of evanescent enchantment.
It could be magical
A never-ending fairytale, but that's
Too light, for this reality.
Which is that I'm really just
Strung out as ****.
And society seems too much like one
Of my bad dreams.
Nightmares will always haunt me, and
This doesn't have a happy ending.
This world is too real,
I long to be removed-
D   I   S   T   A   N   C   E   D   .
Take me to dreamland
So I can stay high forever,
And never
Come
*Down.
Written November 14th, 2014
Sade LK Nov 2014
I don't need to list the reasons,
What I need is a reason not to.
You've heard me talk like this before.
And somehow my silence seems like a bandaid-
Like maybe if I just don't talk about it
Everything will get better.
Maybe if enough time passes,
It will all, eventually, heal.
But that is *******.
I don't need your permission,
**** forgiveness.
My intentions have their own agenda
But it's never hidden.
Quite the opposite- I'm plain sight.
Don't have to wait for night
To let the darkness take me.
I'm honest, open,
And honestly I'd rather be sleeping
In a closed casket; no one
Wants to see my blown off brain bits
And some teeth meshed with leftover tendonis threads
Dangling from my severed neck.
But those tooth shards are smiling-
The bandaid has been ripped off
The time has ran out,
Sand in my mouth.
Dirt where my eye sockets used to be.
This isn't me,
This whole "life" thing...
I don't need to list the reasons.

I never signed up for this ****-
Where do I **check out.
Written November 3rd, 2014
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