Sé que escondes bajo esas lindas risas,
conozco el sufrimiento de ocultar un dolor insoportable,
son mil penas y un corazón que han hecho trizas,
pero te escondes bajo una sonrisa que te vuelve inconsolable

Que más quisiera que curarte con abrazos,
Sin embargo es difícil incluso hablar de amor,
y aunque quiero pegar todos los pedazos,
me es imposible pues a mi también me queda solo dolor.

Por eso no me arriesgo con las palabras,
y aunque mi sueño es darte el paraíso,
las promesas vanas cortan como dagas,
no te puedo tener esperando por siempre, sumiso.

Y sin embargo te amo y me duele soltarte.

I drowned all my memories of you,
and let them drift to the bottom;
sea foam bubbled as you sank, and the thick green froth gurbbled when you plunged-
into the abyss, my cavern of exile.

I had to **** you so I could live;
but the fish, too, became intoxicated,
and so they were gone; crushed coral littered your descent into the black ink, to the places my mind won't reach.

My feet placed firmly, barefoot, caloused, in the chilled sands of time,
watched the water go still, and the sounds of life, birds, and the wind ceased, all the while the salty smell of defeat rest across the monotone blue.

I had to **** you.

we all would like to sit upon a balcony,
overflowing with leafy companions,
and look out into the city, absently,
at the skyscrapers that fill the canyons;

and we all would like to float upon dark blue seas,
our tanned backs skimming the cool blue,
the sun's golden locks tickling our faces like a tease,
and, blissfully, there is nothing to do;

of course, we all would like to laugh uncontrollably,
with our beautiful friends with wild, beachy, bronze hair
and with bejeweled fingers that hold onto ours tightly,
while the loud sounds of the living city permeate the azure air;

nevertheless, we all would like a dark, rainy evening,
our warmth exponentially increased by a knit turtleneck,
and above, the moon emanates its blue light, pale and pleasing,
while we read a book about chance meetings, secret gardens, and a car wreck;



we all would like beautiful things, but life is more meaningful with the untimely thunderstorm, the unwanted acne, the enraging traffic ticket, unexpected endings, and much needed beginnings;
we all would like to not be alone in these things,
and we never need be alone in these things.

He travels in scarlet,
A scarlet shirt for all the fears.
He would go around and smile at all of you,
He may shake your hand,
And hope the tremors beneath his skin are hidden from your dry palms.
For even though he looks you in the eye,
He is afraid, always, since whenever,
Frightened, petrified, secretly exuding panic.
But this little boy, the one in red,
Was brave enough to face all of you,
For touching you may mend,
That part inside his mind that chokes,
At every bit of human contact,
Ever since that first night of contamination,
When red had become bad on his sheets,
When a candle was lit, slowly,
And he was made to watch as it burns,
And feel, and see, and scream,
But as the flame, over the years, slowly fade,
Another creeping memory,
Edges long since frayed,
A battle raged inside him,
And he told me,
"I will fight,
For tommorow and hope,
For the sunrise and heat,
But of all things,
I will fight for that smile you'll give,
When you see me cured,
I will fight for that hug,
And all our nights."
I have our hope,
And I will wait and watch,
As he touches you and grin.

It never stops pouring over you.
I've noticed that, in spite of everyone calling you beautiful,
the feeling never rang true to you.

I met you a little over a year ago,
and I had never believed in love at first sight.
But when I saw you awkwardly smiling at nothing,
and heard you giggle at the sound of my jokes,
I couldn't help but feel like I had done something right.
I couldn't help but feel I saw something to love in those eyes.

It took me a little over half a year to build the courage to talk to you.
You see, it wasn't the distance of you being across the class that stopped me.
The devil on my shoulder pulled my strings until I was able to break free.
And I've never had a regret as strong as not talking to you sooner.
The sun suddenly shined brighter and the flowers bloomed in color.
My stutter stopped choking me and my confidence grew like you planted a magic bean in it.

However your view wasn't all sunshine and rainbows.
Your everyday battles were there as inevident as they were.
The naked eye could not see it as hard as they tried,
yet I found myself straining my eyes to see.
I couldn't give you my happiness.
My once clammy hands could not transfer my feelings of joy.

I came to find out about your last love.
How you came out of your shell and he rejected everything about you.
He rejected every aspect of you and left you alone.
My only job now is to be the mechanic, the tuner, the love of your life.
Your broken heartstrings, in disrepair needed artisan hands to fix them;
however, my amateur hands did their best.

Little do you know, you fixed me.
Our rainclouds vanished together in unison.
My simple vocabulary can't find the words to describe you, my love.

But please believe me when I say you're beautiful.

Her face was pain stricken while she lie asleep.
You could see the effort in her smile, although her grin was weak.
She stayed searching for something of some substance,
She couldn't find any but she'd keep searching the rest of her existence.
Always in bed crying or writing down a piece of her,
As a result of her fear of her mind, she was thought of as a wanderer.
With a mindset unlike anyone's else's,
She had an opinion on everything, very thoughtful ones that is.
She never let anyone tell her what she could & couldn't do,
But she was her biggest enemy, & that could never be truer than the truest truth.
Of course she wanted to be happy,
But the Depression she was battling with was tough & scrappy.
For her there was no escaping the realms of black,
But she knew she could find her way, because she needed to get back.
She needed to return to the life of love & smiles,
She wouldn't stop looking, even if she had to for miles.
She would get to her final destination,
She would not let anything get in her way, she would avoid procrastination.
It was truly sad how every time she tried she fell down,
But she need not worry because on her head, held high was her crown.
No matter what tripped her & made her fall,
She would not succumb to black's intoxicating call.
See her crown was beginning to drop but it would not plummet.
Because though her climb was tough, she's approaching its summit.
You cannot say she is at the top,
But you can say she'll get there because she will not stop.
So sick & so tired of these nights of tears,
She's had them for so long, no not days, or months, but for years.
At seventeen years of age it's heartbreaking to hear such a story,
But don't let your heart fill with uneasiness, because in a short while she'll reach her glory.
A tale like hers is common & unfortunate.
Depression is something we can beat, so long as we stick together, we will be victorious, I'm sure of it.

Why else wouldst demon's
Tremble in her presence;
She's a serpahim, of course.



©Brandon nagley
©Earl Jane nagley/angel dedication
©Lonesome poet's poetry