Sometimes I wonder if this will be the cause of my demise. I cannot fathom such an incessant desire to see the good in all things; grant nations the benefit of doubt. I am blind to all but intent, intrinsic nature, and heart. I create euphemisms out of people.
-Indigo B

Deserted wastelands
a mere memory for me
Try not to take too much time
Reminiscing of darker days
I find my self-basking in positive rays
The sunlight shines on my face
Feel the warmth in the form of a wave
The heat that hits my skin
Heats me up within
Where holes in my soul once laid
The stitched up scars now faded
I've been rejuvenated
The torment that taunted me inside
I've erased it
Memories cleared for new images
Now a rebooted system
Refreshed, I'm ready for new heights
I'm ready for new moments
To be captured through these eyes
Thinking all these positive thoughts
Now I can share all that I've been taught
All those battles I'd fought
now on display
In this museum filled with words
These are all the things I've learned
What it took to get here was earned
And well deserved

©2018 Written By Benji James

Hate that you don't want me
But love that you don't need me
Don't you hate it when you're torn
Between all these ******' feelings
Love that you hate me
But lately, I can't take it
And everything is recently eating me
I'll surrender to every thought
And yeah you don't care at all
But babe I've had my share of regrets
But you were never one of them
Our true potential is still undiscovered
But how can we work this out
When you're hiding in the closet
And I ain't trying to cast you in iron chains
I'm just trying to make a change
And I want you as part of that plan
So step up and give me everything
This was never worthless in my eyes
But you burned some scars deep into my soul
But all that is over, Now I'm feeling sober
And I'm feeling so right, right now
Just wish you'd understand me better
See I'm not trying to make this heavier
Then it has already been
The rains washed away all the hate in my heart
And my heart is still pumping blood
Through every part of my veins
And I still get the shakes every time I hear your name
And I would never trade what we have
But right now it feels like all we had
I'm just hoping you can take a chance
Look at me instead of just glance
And sometimes the glass just shouldn't be fixed
But I think we should in a case like this
I just hope there's still a spark there
And I won't stop until I trigger it
I can still feel the electricity in the air
And I know that I've still got a love for you
Deep down inside and I don't want to let it hide
Just hope that you can put a little faith in me
Because I still believe in all you are baby.

©2018 Written By Benji James

If in order to exist, it must be written
then at dawn when I wake, I'll reach for my pen.

I'll write of light, sunrises, love, and beauty.
My pages will overflow with all things good.
I'll write of adventure & kindness, of laughter & healing.
My steps will scream confidence, though I've stumbled each time I stood.

If in order to exist, it must be written
then I will never ceases writing, until I reach the end.

I think the world is angry today,
Maybe at me, perhaps.
I might have stepped on the crack in the sidewalk,
I think the whole road collapsed.

Was it the way I scoffed at the wind,
When it blew my hair in my face?
Or maybe it was that time when I
Ran through the grass without grace.

I don't wish upon the stars at night,
I'm used to losing count.
The rain soaked through my clothes today,
What the hell was that about?

The brightest star was not bright enough,
And the air was left too frigid.
The trees could only sprout lousy buds,
That covered all the bridges.

How could the world be so cruel today,
Nothing worth a second glance.
Maybe the world would look much different,
If I gave the world a chance.

if i could put a name
to the feeling of breaking the surface
after being underwater
it would rival euphoria
a phoenix reborn
from the ashes of a past life
taking a breath
of cool winter air
after a lifetime of drowning

in the quiet moments
where i no longer feel
like i am gasping for
every ragged shred of
air in my lungs
and for once feel
whole and untainted
by my own head
i close my eyes and
whisper my thanks into
the frosted air
telling the girl in the mirror
that i am proud of her
and she has done so well

i spend my silent moments
far away from home
on winding mountain roads
and with the wind
whipping through the
open car windows
pulling my hair into wild disarray
around my flushed face
i tighten my hands on the wheel
and as i break the crest
of the mountain
and watch as the setting sun
rises in reverse against
the falling horizon
i feel like i am flying
spreading wings to the western skies
no longer weighed down by waves and sea spray
and as i break the surface
i fill my lungs and say
on a steady exhale:

i am alive