if you're not feeling happy right now
that's ok
because every moment you have
is just a part of the symphony

some notes are high
and some notes are low
but they all add up to the bigger picture of who you are
and who you were born to be

just know that i'm proud of you
and that your symphony will turn out to be more beautiful
than you could've ever imagined.

do not feel ashamed
for feeling too heavily
when your heart has just been broken

the cracks in your heart cannot heal
when the tears cannot fall
a desert cannot become a river without water.

it takes days, weeks, months
for each and every drop to accumulate
until the river may run smoothly

so please, darling, do not hold back the tears
they are necessary for you to swim away from where you are
and towards where you are going

The darkness captivates light & receives nothing
but pure dust and a light breeze.
Heaven can you save me.
I am blind & severely hurt.
Seized & disconnected.
Pondering on racing thoughts,’ones that seem to cry.
I am a lost samurai,
vanished from power,
abandoned in a mist of…
despair.
Where & what is reality?
I am not trying to escape from my head,
instead my head is holding my brain captive.
It wants to grow.
It wants to bloom.
I can not speak.
Tears have drowned & suffocated my lungs.
You will not hear the foreign language I stutter now.
I seek for revenge but who do I seek?
This “fake” reality that I am living,
will it ever stop.
This recklessness of my thoughts,
will it ever decease & make any sense.
I  need to calm the chaos,
as I try to understand & accept the mind.
As I am a … samurai.

solitude marks the height of my contentment
no agreements to make
I don't have to see faces
nods smiles masked aggression
I don't have to act
I don't have to trade facade for facade
with my peers
do I even have peers?

at night, I feel a stillness
so deep, so harsh, so honest
I don't have to live this lie
explain why I'm fine
why everything is fine
because, it's not
nothing's fine

I am a million clashing universes
filled with endless dying stars
and I reach out
to the other universes
and shrink back
  back
          and at night
I fill the stillness
  the stars collapsing
every synapse bending
toward destruction

no want
               no need
                             no crying out for more

at night there is no other
no one to say my name falsely
and when I sleep
the ocean of my subconscious
carries me to sleeping cures
takes me away for years
to great expanses of colorful
living worlds
where I feel
where my emotions are tangible
solid
and
       they keep me company for
a millennia
         I wake to this doll world
where a friend asks
how are you doing
and she's doing it out of obligation
                                                and there's no color
and I have no emotion
and I feel nothing

Life is the waiting room for the exploration of that dream world

and every night
I taste it
I touch it
I breathe in its vibrance
and the only want
is to never wake
to this grey world
to never have to answer

"fine"

again

if i can act like i'm okay, am i?
everything i say can turn into a lie
of course i'm good, it's all fine
where do i have to draw the line
well if i'm really being honest:
(after all i made that promise)
i really want to get better but i'm so tired
i don't want to be awake but my mind's on fire

I felt my life
It flashed before my eyes
I felt it slip away
Like it was a tangible thing
Something that sprints and runs and flees

But it’s okay
But it’s okay now