This is                                                                  ­        going to be
one of those nights                                                        I hopelessly
                                                       wait
up for you                                                                  ­ only to be
disappointed again,                                                      isn'­t it?

it made my heart hurt, those words. It's a wednesday, it's 11:47pm and i'm still thinking about you. i'm thinking about you the same way i thought about you at 11:47pm and 11:57pm the night you first kissed me.
"when you have a connection with someone, it never really goes away, ya know? You snap back to being important to each other because you still are."
well you are. you're still so ******* important. and i'm sorry, i'm so ******* sorry. You're not like anyone else i've ever met, you make ****** weather seem happy. About 5 months ago every time it'd rain you'd pick me up and take my to drive in the rain. I don't know if you knew i loved the rain, or knew i loved your company. either way, it was the best few weeks of my life. but look it's exactly 23 weeks later and you're all i can think about when i'm in the loneliest place i've ever been.
please i miss you
It was August 31st at 3:05pm.. it was your moms birthday. I remember how hard my heart starting beating then.
I wrote a note two weeks before i left for college, i wrote to myself about how i could be falling for someone who hated me. I know you don't hate me, but i feel like you could. The thought of losing you makes me exhausted, exhausted trying to keep you around.
When I was 7 years old i had a teacher who told me the world will repay me someday for being so full of sunshine. That was my first thought when you held my hand for the first time, because you make my cheeks hurt with how much you make me smile. I didn't know if i wanted you to kiss me, until it did. When it did, i knew i didn't want it to stop. I've never wanted someone to press their palms up against my ribcage more than you, or kiss my neck and make me lose my breathe. I want to give you everything i love but i'm scared that when i do, it won't be the same. The innocence that I have with you is unlike anything, you're the first person who didn't need to take my shirt off to see my heart.. thank you so much. This is a ****** story, coming from a ****** person who can't get over her ****** feelings for you. But i decided on you, don't you get that? i decided on you. i don't want to go ******* other people and then walk around feeling thrilled and then sad , or empty, or whatever. I like the taste of your lips, and i like the sound of your voice, and i ******* decided on you. you were the first person to make me feel like i didn't need to be perfect, it's been 5 ******* months and i still can't get you out of my ******* head.
you still are, you still are important
so i realized... i have bad news & i have good news, turns out both of them are that i love you.

-d.g. (And i'm sorry that you can't trust me to love you, but i would and i do. But i'm still sorry.)

it was a winter kind of love,

the kind that spoke with eyes, actions and bodies.
because the chill and cold didn't matter when limbs became tangled.
neither did words. they weren't enough.
why did one have to say, "I love you,"
when it could be spoken through fingers on the spine and lips on the collarbone?
it was the need for presence.
for keeping the hands from getting numb, and making the cheeks warm.
because there's no such thing as too close when it was this cold.

it was a winter kind of love,
the kind that melted like the snow.

My pain irks me,
Sends me flying into my bed.
Under the cover of darkness.

As I cry myself awake,
Unable to sleep.
I ask myself..
Why?

Why am I such a ***** up?
Why do I make mistakes,
Knowing my parents will be angry?

My tears intensify,
My claws take my skin,
Leaving ****** marks...

I scream in my head,
Rocking to the beat of my music,
That sings in my ear bud.

Evanescence,
Rascal Flatts.
Plumb.
Crossfade.

I cannot find peace..
All I feel is that pain.
That has ****** me over for,
Five years.

I'm only a teenager,
I only can take so much.
Until Its over.

I've already tried once...
What makes you think I'll try again?

Dad,
What makes you so ******?
Taking it out on me,
Because I don't listen?

Why can't you and my step mom,
Just realize..
That I'm only Seventeen..

And so it says,
My title will always stay.
Lone wolf forever..

I cant be perfect,
It's just not my style.

My life is so different,
I cry even harder.

Mistakes,
Promises broken.
Two faced liars..

God,
Why aren't you here?
I need you..
And I need you now..

As my pain intensifies,
All I see is the cascading shadows.
Watching my every move...

My music doesn't help anymore..

I woke up with your name on my tongue
Dreaming about you once again, I guess
I still hope it's you whenever the phone
rings
But that's just another fantasy I can't
fathom into reality

I needed you today
Well, everyday, but today especially.

But you weren't there today, were you?
Well, everyday, but today especially

It's always the same story and I keep
trying to reinvent the ending because
I thought I was the reason you showed
up?

I should've known from the first lie
That you would never be mine

Someone like me doesn't deserve someone like you and you can interpret that how you will

So go. Don't show up.
Go and believe me when I say I'm fine because I know you don't care today.

Well, everyday, but today especially.