I have a dilemma in heart and mind
My brain to me is so unkind
Do I suppress my evil thoughts
With a measly prescription, store bought?
I’m staying strong for him
But some days depression wins
And my anger bubbles up
So instead I wash it down with a cup
Of water and a little nauseating pill
It’s blue and powerful, it often makes me ill
I worry to start again
Because I could barely stop back then
It’s not worth the toll
So I flush them down the toilet bowl

Here it comes again
--the acid creeping up my throat
Reminding me that the motion I perceive with my eyes
Does not coincide
With the motion of my mind.
The fluid in my ears, I find
Being steered by forces hidden behind
A curtain blinding my sight.

When I was six, the sickness would hit
When I was in the backseat going down winding streets.
The pain, I claimed, came from my jaw
But it wasn’t long until they saw
Splattered across the back bench of the car
--I was motion sick.

As a teen, cleaned from this curse,
Steering the machines that once made me squeam,
I thought I was free.
Until vertigo creeped into my seams.
Clear sight, but a spinning mind!
A crystal displaced in the skull behind my face
Would trace every turn through, as if it was reality who had forgotten to move.

Now nausea creeps in again as my mind perceives a reality that once again, my eyes can’t see.

All of my hopes
and dreams

so real to me…

But when my eyes look out to reality, they are nowhere
to be
seen
And it makes me feel
So
Nauseous

She’s a fatgirl and she’s sad
‘Cause she knows she’s doing bad
Eating chocolate makes her nauseous
Ain’t no time for being cautious
She don’t give a ‘bout her body
She could eat up anybody
She’s a daughter of her dad
Dad who’s born in Trinidad
They hit KFCs with cash
Empty buckets ‘till they crash
Then she wakes up from this frenzy
Spinnin’ round in burger Benzie
Now she’s puking diamond tears
Meaning that she really cares
She is done with being sad
“I’m a woman here, my dad!”

everything is bad and it's raining. i'm nauseous and i'm sleeping on a bed of nails tonight. icicles hang from the empty nest inside me. it's cold and birds don't like this type of weather. i'm not sad, i'm not much of anything. it's still raining and i think it will be for a while. just buy an umbrella they say. little do they know i have a collection of them. i buy them constantly just to tear holes in with my teeth. i just vomited again and everything is just as bad as it was before. there are a handful of drugs i could swallow with little smiley faces on them. i've learned to see smiling faces and look right through them. i can't leave this bed because there's shattered glass on the floor from every mirror i've ever looked in. everything is bad and it's raining.

F**k butterflies, my stomach has birds in it.
My body's shaking, my heart is racing, my pulse is high.
You're gorgeous, and I woke up this morning with a zit.
How'd a girl like you settle for a "me" kind of guy?

I'm usually witty, but my words don't work well for this.
It's just that you're so pretty, you make my knees weak!
At the end of the date, my pulse hit five-fifty.
I realize it's lame that I asked for permission before we kissed...
I was just trying to take the time to aim for your lips.
See, the funny part is...

                                       I was afraid I might miss.