Little beads on a necklace
blue, high energy, anxious

Little beads on a necklace
a rainbow of moods

Six or so beads a day
down, angry, elated

Little beads on a necklace
such are my moods

If only I could have
the good without the bad

If only I could have
the sweet without the sad

But then all the pearls
would be one color

Little beads on a necklace
are who I am

Psyche has moods
Sometime happy, others  gloomy
Psyche  has moods
Sometimes wise,  other times  fool

psyche has moods
Sometimes, I wander
Others, I surrender

Psyche has moods
Sometime melancholic,
Others sanguine
Psyche has moods
sometimes  choleric,
Others phlegmatic

let me understand the clouds
their moods and patterns that

they display in the sky

a single cloud crosses the sky,
from the ground, we can watch it go by

holding my world up there high
in the sky, we look as time passes by

happy clouds, quiet clouds
calm, still clouds

I knew a formidable, tempestuous man
and whilst he did much to his credit,
his dark grey moods
and the air that turned blue
clouded his very real merits.

Daughter

Sitting in the bedroom
Avoiding the news
Teenage girl
Curls up
On top of chocolate wrappers
And phone leads

With cat lying next to her
She texts on her phone
And curses her mothers
Embarrasing comments

She talks
To her mother
On the squeaky phone
Her mother visualises her as a toddler by her voice
Child groans
At being told this

Ten years later
She sits on a beach
With her toddler daughter
Making sandcastles in front of her
And smiles proudly
And laughs about her simple tasks and life
In the teenage years.

Don't you think it's strange
How easily my moods can change?

From temperamental, sad and all that
To laughing and happy in a second flat.

Sometimes I wonder
If it's a different person coming up from under.

Because that's the only thing that can explain
How I go from smiling to a world of pain.

Today I thought about suicide
And what my life means

Am I depressed?
Or is this just me?

I fantasized
About how much better
Everyone's lives
Would be

Without me here
To disrupt the flow

Without my unpredictable mood swings
And negative energy.

If I'm not here
They won't witness my decline
Or subconsciously follow suit.

But they wouldn't miss much

I'm always tired
Or in a bad mood.

Their good memories
Will outweigh the bad
If I just leave quietly.

Right?

Would the pain of losing me
Pale in comparison
To the pain of watching me
Fail so miserably?

Would death relieve my pain?
Or would I have to relive it
Again?

Maybe I am depressed.

Or maybe I just need a friend.

Dazed-
Often dazed-
Incumbent to take and rip minds from heads
Shaken dust rains down onto many-
Swirling untold crowns into a cloudy trance.
Incumbent to step to slow-
These necessary acts of the solemn man

It’s a sunny day on the lake
No weather lifts my mood
I’ve become socially anxious
But they just think I’m rude

It’s like life’s the arcade
And I’m completely out of tokens
Won’t blame it on the system
Cause I know it’s me that’s broken

Can’t drift away
Not even in a binge
Anchored to my pathology
Society’s definition of the fringe

Done drowning in the sorrow
I just shower in it to get clean
And wash away the hope
A habit from when I was a teen

Quit pushing off the bottom
You can’t fail if you don’t start
But still I die again and again
Trying desperately to break apart

Cause this nihilism gives me a meaning
Paradoxical in and of itself
To cut deeper in the wound
Cathartic hatred for myself

Done saying I’ll make one more attempt
To walk the path of righteousness
Cause I’ve only tried that four thousand times
And each time I’m left with less and less

All I’ve got is this page
And my obsession with the pain
I’m an infinite beaker!
From which the flow just won’t wane

You’d think my spirit’s dead
Cause I’ve been trying to **** it for a while
But the spirit’s hard to ****
Even after a couple million miles