I forgot
how much
this hurts,
how as much
as happy
a special
someone can
make you, as
sad too.

i just wrote a letter to a good-hearted man.

it is night where i am right now.
while writing, i heard my father's steps.

he slowly approached me; mistrust in
his face.

he thought i would have done something
bad. i had not done so.

five minutes i spoke to him; i needed him to
believe me since i will travel to another city
later today.

i do not want to say "farewell" in disharmony.

yet, i am not disappointed or angry.
everyone acts weakly from time to time.
i forgive my father.

before going to bed i will talk to somebody
else.

somebody who is everywhere and always with me.

affectionately
mikey

I want to trust, I want to believe
But I can't shake the feeling that it makes me naive
I hate to be laughed at, I avoid the crowds
My self-deprecation is already too loud
Multiple times my heart's been broken
Yet I still hand it out to others like a token
Of how much I love them and how much I care
But they take it and break it, it doesn't seem fair
Each time it happens, it's a new hole in my heart
What do I do with these feelings that tear me apart
They tell me hiding from others is no way to live
But I'm just trying to protect what little I've left to give

Forever blue
With happiness too
A rushing firmament
Upon our natures

Severing the real-ness
Of our every drink or soda;
Our mistrust and laziness
Sorting the true yearnings

For we can do better
By an electric storm
Of our brain
Overseeing all

These emotional pills,
are too hard to swallow.
I keep forcing them down,
against all my will.
Now I’m choking to death,
and you want to know how I feel?!

Damage upon damage,
that’s covered up with fresh paint.
But the layers are peeling,
showing fresh wounds of feelings,
you may think you’re in love,
but I know that you ain’t.

So don’t get to know me,
because there’s no way you will see,
the person under the mask,
with the hollow, bloodshot eyes.
You may think you can reach me,
but you’ll just set me free,
because it’s just empty air,
where I used to be.

So just do us both a favor,
and keep, your who's, when’s, and why’s.
And I’ll let you imagine,
you didn’t see a disguise.

You didn’t intend to do this
But you know what they say
About the road to hell.
And it’s full of near misses.

Will I ever be able to trust you again
If admitting what you did
Was not in your plan?

Remember when you held me in your arms
and told me you'd always love me
a perfect thing, without harm
but all of  sudden there was he

he who stole
my vital role
in the love we shared
but you did not care

for anything else
like the books on your shelf
because it was his picture
that remained