Soft  yellow sunrise
my first morning waking up
looking into your eyes

Lying still in the moment
to soak it all in
a calm beating heart & an unscathed grin

Wrinkled sheets and messy hair
sipping fresh coffee
in a chipped-paint chair

A new beginning & the feeling of home
making sense of the past
and my journey alone

It lead me to your smile, which lead me to your kiss
and being wrapped in your angel wings
in a night of heavenly bliss

This morning I found my purpose
and I hope to see 1000 more
soft yellow sunrises streaming in behind your door

Artfully crafted and dipped in true peril.
Contemplation of nights well spent.
Forgetful of "two sides to a coin".
Realizations of a morning hell bent.

Secrets and rumors all divulged.
In a world filled with mess.
Complications not easily dissolved.
I seem to fill like the best.

Condemnation comes in the multiple.
Surpassed only by guilt.
True character shines in these moments.
Compassion to the tears that were spilled.

Take from me more than words.
Rhetoric that could woe any opposition.
Instead take comfort in what you know.
Some form of trust - a new composition.

Who are you to tell me I'm no good?
***** you
And your classy ways
I'd rather be a pig
Than a trained dog
Be myself
And just let life
Take me far away in this universe of gray

"I couldn't say goodbye, I didn't want it to be goodbye"

So instead you walked out on me.
You made me feel as if I wasn't worthy to you and like I was a ******* that meant nothing and that you could easily walk away from.

When you turned your back on me my heart dropped, wait that's not what you did, I'm making you seem oh so nice to me.
What you did was before you turned and left, you broke through my rib cage,took my heart out and tore it as if it was a piece of paper, from your palms you blew shattered pieces of my heart and they burned and turned into ashes.

Don't tell me saying goodbye was something you didn't want to do because I remember the look you had, you were smirking trying to hold in your laughter
Your dark eyes turned darker and it seemed as if you were enjoying it.

Gosh what you inflicted on me, I wouldn't ever wish it upon my worst enemy, not even the devil himself.

Don't you dare tell me saying goodbye was going to be difficult because I'm sure as hell that saying hello won't be easy.

I held you in the palm of my hand
I held you in the palm of my hand and I closed you in
I closed the palm of my hand
and you were nothing but the dark I had forced upon you
I may have bled from every crevice of my being
but it was too late
I am met by sour words and unforgiven last chances
you were the sun and I showered you in glass
now we are no more

you were on my lips
you were on my lips and I pushed away
I pushed away all thoughts of you
and I was nothing but this mass of
guilt and deathly notions infesting my head
I infected everything I touched
turned your skin green and your eyes red
while my pores were clean
I am walking termination

we were almost okay
we were almost okay and I let you go
I let you leave me like everybody else has
and that blame reeks in my skull
burning through my blood
tearing out my eyes and leaving me as
crippling devastation on legs
I wish I could relieve the pressure
I wish there was somebody here

I've awoken now.
Quite down little birds.
My mind muddied and blurred.
Where am I now and how..
Did I get here?
Rusty, still turning on like that old junker that'd never start first time.
Memories mysty drips and drabs of last night.
Unshaven from days ago.
Dirt and blood laced aftershave.
Was it one night or a week, maybe they blended together.
The nights are the worst they always bring the day.
Recoil finding myself all over again.
It's Thursday.

Covered in slime,
On a new calf's legs,
Blowing and wheezing
To clear your lungs...
Commence breathing.

Spring, chirp in,
Crack the shell of ice
And open your beak
For the first worms
of Summer.

Spring, stalk in
With the dandelions,
Smear rouge on your tulips,
And sally forth
Looking for Love
In the asparagus.

I shot myself in the stomach with the memory of you telling me all about Guardians of the Galaxy when I saw the broken DVD case sitting on my counter next to a coffee ring I forgot to wipe up this morning.
My lip is bitten through and through with memories that shake my head because they're too loud and bright to stick inside and they need to be out and breathe.
But I try so hard to keep my buttons closed all day, try so hard to hold myself together but I'm a puzzle with a missing piece and sometimes that shows up when people take away the coaster I put over my left corner and wonder where the tip of the sail is and I have to tell them I lost it years ago.
But you always ******* hated puzzles, and loved ******* puzzles like me who would give you anything you asked for because back then I had all my pieces and a syrupy desire to be yours and yours only forever, sipping on coffee with too-much cream in the early morning hours, wrapped in you, with your heartbeat singing familiar patterns in my ear.
And my birthday's in two weeks but all I feel is a narrow candle of hope in the back of my mind that maybe you'll think to call, maybe I'll open my doors to find you with a smile and a can of whipped cream, and even Reese's peanut butter cups (my favorite but the irony always was you had a peanut allergy.)
For now my bed is too small to hold all these memories, but, honey, it always had room for you. My mind clings to song lyrics, oxygen, because they hint that someone someday felt what I feel now, what I have felt for months. The snow globe you gave me that one time is broken in shards of everything you promised me and our last kiss, and it lays on my bedroom floor in case you ever come back and I have reason to piece it back together.
But when I see you this Sunday for mass as usual, you won't know any of this.

There is an ache in my hands
an itch in my brain
the fluid is flowing
round and round
faster and faster to a sudden stop
and it all come slipping and crashing out of the sides
a mess everywhere
nobody is here to clean it up or pick up the pieces
go on