I promise to be your
                                          rain storm;
            thunder
            and
                          lig
                 ­           ht
                           ni
                             n
                            g,
     if
you will remain
                  as the
                                             mud  
that
          keeps me
                         stuck.

It was yours to hold, yours to keep
Blood stained floral dress
Death reaquaints this love.

Life but only a flash of lightening,
Love now a murky hue.
It was yours to hold,  yours to keep.

Holding jaggered shards within your hands.
Torture sweet;  a pain I longed for.
Death reaquaints this love.

Reeds now brushing along my *****
Muddy waters swaying this lifeless body
It was yours to hold, yours to keep.

Longing for your empty caress.
Now a dull red,  dances over porcelain skin
Death reaquaints this love.

Pale eyes stare back upon your face.
My heart you stole; serrated silver helped.
It was yours to hold, yours to keep
Death reaquaints this love.

Don't smile because you are happy,
Smile because you have no other option left.
Be to me, what the others have failed to see.
And you'll find out that this is what you need.

By walking around for years without any sole purpose,
When you stumbled upon this you assumed it would be for the best.
And your assumptions led to the truth.
It is taken the place of the darkness or sorrow.

I hope my frail words hold some meaning to you,
Because I write for that exact reason.
That maybe you'll read my words and understand
All the words I attempt to speak, that will not come out.

This is all difficult because, taking the words of a friend,
"Life is messy."
Messy like the bottom of a junk drawer,
That hasn't been cleaned out in years.

But perhaps we can clean out this mess,
And have a yard sale for all to witness.
And they'll see we've become a better version of ourselves,
Without the messy fragments of life.

It's the simplest of words that mean a lot. But then simplicity is apart of complexity, So If I'm complex then maybe my apology would mean more.
I'm sorry.
I've been walking around for about two hours looking for a sign, something but all I found was pain, guilt and well me being ashamed of myself.
I'm sorry,
I messed up and I'm sorry.
If all the words in the world could describe who I am then I would gladly take them because right now I feel like, a *****, a *****, a ***,and mostly I feel like ****,
I'm a **** up, a hypocrite I am the worst of myself and I'm sorry.
I never meant to hurt you, all I wanted to do was make you smile.
Make you see the best side of this world but I ****** up... So I guess I'm just like them a pretentious **** up...
I'm really sorry. I pray to God that things will be okay.
I'm sorry.
I only want you happy, I swear to God that's all I want, even if it means my happiness at stake then for you anything.

I explode for you,
will you explode for me??
A desperate me longing,
your proud release of love in me.
I love your desperate lies,
longing me as I do you.
Please do me like it is,
Messy fate.
I explode for you...


Crystal Rose.
8/17/10
1:23am


*Copyright

My grand expressions
Halt by your calm demeanor
My subtle tones
Tread your wayside
My tangled thoughts
Dissolve in your timbre
You are.

it kills me to say this
but i've forgotten what your voice sounds like

it's been twenty-one days
and i am alive
(sometimes)

i want to drown myself in drugs
i want to drown myself in Jesus
i want to drown myself in self-loathing
i want to drown myself in you

the thought of kissing you
brought me solace on
sleepless nights
now it's the source of
my worst nightmares

i tried making dreams my reality
and reality my dreams
but you haunt every crack and crevice
of my being
i can't dust the places i can't reach

i am not well.

I’m not good at writing what i feel

because it’s hard to choose words that would describe

such a feeling that’s much more than just that word



i’m not good at drawing to show what’s in my head, either

because if i did draw to release my mind,

all you’ll see is a bunch of ugly tangled lines that wouldn’t make sense

i mean, it’s a mess in there



neither am i good at singing, dancing, acting, or anything else

honestly because i’m a loser who has passion for nothing



but i’m pretty sure you’re the perfect way

to pour my whole ******* soul

and everything I am into



and i’m sorry if this offends you

because you may find it insulting

that I want to use you as my stress ball



it’s just that

maybe i don’t want

to be good at writing

or drawing

or singing

maybe i want you to be all that i pour myself to

because you’re so ******* special and amazing

you deserve all the ‘worked-******* this, stayed up late last night’ things

and the last piece of pizza and the best coffee in the world

and that expensive first-edition leather-bound book

and everything

everything



i want you to have every ******* thing i can offer

every good thing left in me

because i swear

i’m turning bad

and i don’t want you to leave



maybe

i want to give you my heart

it’s yours

take it

it’s yours



i don’t want you to leave