You gave me these feet to walk
This mouth to eat
To laugh, smile and talk
These feet I grind into the ground
Round and round in circles I go
Until my energy levels hit a new low
This mouth it smiles
Automatically, despite the turmoil within me.
Luckily for others.
You didn't give it transparency.

You gave me these teeth to chew, to eat
These hands you gave me
To meet and greet, demands
These teeth are rarely used
There's never much opportunity to bite and chew,
And these hands prove use in inflicting another bruise
On my body.

This brain you gave me to function and learn
This voice you gave me to express
Opinions and concern
This brain it is broken, it serves to destroy,
It malfunctions, a dismantled toy.
And this voice it turns on the right tone, until I am alone.

You gave me these legs,
To stand tall and strong.
You gave me these shoulders,
For others to rely on
These legs they are weak
They tremble and fall
And these shoulders offer no comfort at all

You gave me these organs to keep me alive
You gave me this heart to beat, to change lives
These organs I starve
And this heart it slows
As thoughts of self destruction
Circulate and echo

You gave me these eyes
To see the world and cry
You gave me life, to live not die
These eyes are faulty,
They prove me harm,
This life, I sabotage, as the ringing of alarms
Gets louder and louder.

You gave me these fingers to write not fight
You gave me these toes to explore new sights
These fingers they write scripts of pain, and ache after awhile
These toes they march on,
Perhaps it's denial.

You gave me common sense
In an attempt
For me to able to differentiate
Between right and wrong
But this tongue in my mind
Is so very unkind
And this common sense
Forms no self defence
As the walls they crumble down.

You gave me these emotions to think and Feel
You gave me these feelings to work on, to heal
These emotions they malfunction
In a world of self destruction
These feelings they soar
Like hungry lions they roar
Emotional regulation
Was a skill
You forgot to give
And it makes
all these things you gave me to live
Hard.
And again I am scarred.

It kills me every minute.
It kills me every day.
It kills me every hour
For the rest of each May.

It’s 3:00 in the afternoon.
Am I happy?
Yes, I guess, maybe. Just got home from school;
Tired and sleepy. Laughed a lot,
But relapsed once again.
Why is this happening again?
I can’t let myself fall again,
Though I’m forcing it to go back for them.

It’s 2:30 in the morning.
Am I happy?
No. Demons are coming all over again.
The voices are getting to me.
They’re going to take control over me.
Things are getting worse each time.
It’s like I’m in the middle of a tug war.
I don’t have anyone, and everyone has me.
I’m always there for people but they’re
Not always there for me.

It’s 4:00 and I haven’t been able to sleep.
Am I happy?
No. I feel alone. Loneliness.
It’s empowering itself through my bones
and all the way through my brain.
Taking control over me, as if I was no victim.
I have no friends, no one to talk to.
I have to deal with my own drama and
I just can’t. I want to sink in my bed.
Let the dreams sink me in for I
Have nothing to live for.
All of this is happening, yet I go around the
halls with the bright smile on my face.
Pretending like everything’s okay when
It’s actually all a ******* mess.

It’s 6:00 and I haven’t slept a bit.
Am I happy?
No.No.No.No.
The same answer over and over.
Thinking about the same nightmares.
Dreaming about what will never truly happen.
I have bags around my eyes, but no one notices.
I try to cover it with make-up, and everyone
Believes the dark fantasy of ‘okay’ being the truth.

It’s 2:00 in the afternoon.
Am I happy?
Idek.
I’ve learned a **** lot of lessons,
Yet not one of them seem to help me tbh.
I give them to whom I call my “friends”
And I use myself as an example of being the best
And the one who suffered but already got better and is ready
To experience life 100%.
But really, is it true?
It’s all BS tbh that comes out of my mouth for trying to
Help others.
*** is wrong with me?
Who am I fooling?
Me and only me.
You’ve got to understand you have 0 friends.
No one likes you. You’re a loser to the left.
You’ve got NO ONE.


And that right there, were my demons talking.
Now you get how I feel when they come?
Yeah that’s what I thought.
No one will probably ever read this,
Because as I wrote up there,
I have no one so nobody will be ever
Interested in what I feel.
But however I write it. To feel accomplished.
To feel like I’m talking to someone when I am
Actually talking to nobody. I did this just to let it all out.
And honestly it feels good.