I am being suffocated by pain
That demands to be felt
But refuses to acknowledge its origin or cause.
How do I tame a beast
Whose name I do not know?
This season always brings with it emotional turmoil,
The joys of daylight's manipulation of bipolar disorder,
But this creature that weighs down my chest
Has not uttered its name.
Like all demons,
It must be named to be exorcised,
And it will not be cowed by my speaking in tongues.
Back ye foul beast
From whence you came.
By hook or crook
I will learn your name.

The darker my dreams get
the less I look for the light.

I can only see the duality
between my perceived reality
and the one you present.

I wake from gravity slipping
from the rot surrounding me
where everything is meaningless
unless there's someone to tell you that it isn't.

where everything is meaningless
once someone tells you that you are
and it turns out to be true
because they’ve shown you the nature of man.

Government regulators attempted to **** me
God's angels are the people that saved me
They created the problem buy giving the Dr the key
Escapades that spiralled like a birch tree
To suppress confessions and evidence
People were given unwanted medicine
Some ran but caught by the magnet resonance
Others 6 feet under, blessed by a church eminence
God help! Sadists and cannibals eat patients
Colluding in auditory nerves in acoustic vibrations
They are the nations NHS saviours
When people suffer they have secret celebrations
Looking for the innocent soul
Destroying with false reports and a troll
Exploiting every loophole
Services and public on a sly payroll
Pseudo science disease is a abomination
That of mental illness to the nation
That has brain washed the population
Truth will singe psychiatry to decimation

My chest hurts so much
All I want to do is scream and to bleed
How much longer do I have to feel like this?
Why do I have to suffer?
It suffocates me
It makes me think things I wish I didn't
It makes me feel things I can't physically and mentally handle
It hurts
Make it stop...
Please just make it stop.

Debilitating
When the mind cripples the body
Infuriating
When your youth fades day by day
Hurting
When trust is broken because no one believes you
Yearning
To just get out of bed, while they think you're lazy
Praying
Your pain could go away
Begging
To live a normal life

Its very real
When the mind is so sick, it affects your physical being

Skin on fingers cut down to the quick
Calluses formed for so long that the
Nerve endings that were and should be there are long long long gone
The tear of the skin as the anxiety ebbs and flows and wanes and waxes in a never ending pulsating mess from my rib cage spiraling outward

I sometimes feel like a personal hurricane
And excuse my cliche
But the vortex of overwhelming paranoia and nausea and dread
Are the things most frequently busting out of my chest
From a heart long out of rhythm
From a heart longing to be dead

And yet I’ve gotten everything I worked towards for so long
Yet my life is a train wreck
I live like a squatter
I have three friends
And I am always
Alone.

And just like those fingers
The discoloration from stress and anxiety
The bags under my eyes lengthen and grow to match the shadows my mind is now full of and I don’t remember ever being this tired and I do remember being less happy but sometimes it’s hard to separate the two

Am I doing any good?
Is anything ever going my way?