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Bre Apr 2021
Yesterday
Driving down
The road
Lizard brain said
Pull the steering wheel
Find the peace
You’re craving
Do it.

Yesterday
Monkey brain said
Climb under table
Table safe
No noise
Curl up
Safe

A week ago
Lizard brain said
Stab scissors
Into palm
Do it

A week ago
Monkey brain said
Blanket over head
Hides self
Safe

A month ago
Lizard brain said
Walk into traffic
Jump.
It’s time.

A month ago
Monkey brain said
Tell everybody
How you feel
They care
Safe

6 months ago
Lizard brain said
Those pills?
Take them all
No feelings.
Just bliss.

6 months ago
Monkey brain was quiet.

2 years ago
On the balcony
Five stories high
View of my whole world
Lizard brain said jump.
No one will miss you.
Do it.
Safe.

And the only thing
keeping me alive
Was the fact that
I didn’t want
To make
Anyone
Clean
It
Up.
It’s been a rough few years my guys
Cerasium Apr 2021
All I wanted was a chance
And you can’t give me that
So I’m taking back my love
I’m taking back my heart

It’s not for you anymore
It was meant for someone else
Someone who loves me back
Someone who actually cares

All you did was play with my heart
All you did was toy with my love
I never meant to hurt you
But all you did was use me

I’ll give it to someone special
Someone who sees my worth
Someone who loves me
Someone who won’t break my heart

I see now
That you used me
Beat me down
And abused me

Broke my heart
And toyed with me
Shut me down
And then trapped me

But no more
I’m taking back my love
I’m taking back my heart
I’m done with the abuse

The lying and the use
The toxic love abuse
I’m done with all the pain
I’m done with all the pain

I loved you unconditionally
You said you’d never leave me
Yet here I stand
Begging for you back

But no longer
I’m sick of the abuse
The lies
And all the use

You only cared about me
When I held your body
When I touched your
Ooooooooooooo

And yet you think you loved me
When you don’t even know
What love really is
Your toxic love abuse

Never will I go back
To the lying and the cold shoulder
I’m done with all the pain
I’m taking my love back

I see now
That you used me
Beat me down
And abused me

Broke my heart
And toyed with me
Shut me down
And then trapped me

But no more
I’m taking back my love
I’m taking back my heart
I’m done with the abuse

The lying and the use
The toxic love abuse
I’m done with all the pain
I’m done with all the pain

You left me down and broken
You tossed me aside
You saw the damage you did
And you didn’t even bat an eye

You twisted my love
Used me and abused me
Left me out to dry
But I’m done with all the pain

All your lies and empty promises
Like being forever there
You only went and lost me
This unconditional love
I was constantly lied to, emotionally and mentally abused, and I am now sick of it. I'm ending the relationship all together and I'm done. I loved this man unconditionally and he only used that love, giving me the cold shoulder and constantly belittling my efforts.
lazarus Apr 2021
I didn't realize that I had missed the rabbits so
til I nearly stumbled over one in the dark and dew

impossibly still and also bounding with movement, vibrating
a tenacious anxiety reflected back to me in more than one
lost, drunken, exasperated moment
memories inevitably left in backseats and waterlogged journals
the thorny irony of holding fervently what this life means to me
and for me
knowing I've forgotten nearly most of it
to trauma
and to time

why would I tuck away the times I've made myself the image of my parents?
why cherish and return to the slur of dysfunction and imbalance
why build myself on the moments I broke upon

each falter is palmed inside me
slick and pressed with dust
the life of every love and bond
I can't release
for fear that I will sink into the sky
for fear that I've only ever been a reflection
is it empathy? maybe it's a pervasive fear of abandonment
as you cannot leave me if you need me
as you cannot fear me if you trust me
as you cannot without me
and I, you
Leo Bennett Apr 2021
suffocated in the grip of the unshakeable hands of sorrow and guilt
devoured by the mouth of depression
devoured by the mouth of depression and ****** into a pit in the stomach of despair
there's something familiar in the pain i try so hard to escape
my pain mimics me, deep down I fear its too late
Joanna Alexandre Apr 2021
Maybe some of us aren’t meant for “great things”
Maybe some of us are just meant to survive.




And maybe that’s the great thing in itself;
To survive an unsurvivable mind.
Grace Haak Apr 2021
I knew it was bad when my fingernails were ringed
with red
as I ran them over ribbons and excused myself
from confetti cake to make them
redder.

my head was burning
a sparkling candle burning
my hands were yearning
a spazzing sticking yearning

my family was singing
a muffled stifling singing
my ears were ringing
a loud ear-piercing ringing

sing
ring
sting
stop stop stop my scalp is stinging

Nothing was clear until my fingernails
were red
and coated with pieces of my head:
rubbed raw and picked clean
You’re telling me
this is something you haven’t seen?

It doesn’t make sense because:
I don’t put pencils in a perfect pristine line
I don’t count my cheerios before I can dine
I can turn the lights on and off just fine
but my fingernails
are red
and apparently that’s a sign.


I can tell you where
every single pinprick lives
and spreads fire down my scalp
into my brain
How it tells me
your math homework can wait
save me
or you’ll go insane

My nails are short
but still red
My brain is intact
but still missing its head

Oh, how I could See the Disorder in a
demented disturbed decision
to forfeit my favorite vanilla cake
for blood

stop stop stop, i’m begging you, brain

you can’t stop; you know you need pain
leave me alone, and you’ll go insane.
Brianca Kreeger Apr 2021
For a long time I told lies to myself
“This, like all things, will pass--resolved in peace”
Shallow and external, to me I must delve
Our brains are best when they thrive off creases

Don’t flatline, but keep the rhythm steady
All chaotic tunes are written with notes
Tune your instrument, your voice, be ready
Self expression is what keeps us afloat

See good in the world and let it seep in
Only then will you know your own justice
Walk with your demons, holy in your sin
Find truth to be free from your prejudice

And most of all, keep up contradictions
We are sustained by the spark of frictions
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