i remember hating myself,
filling journals to the brim with criticisms.
i used to spend time at the herb garden plucking mint leaves from their stems,
and in the branches of apple trees at the far end of the orchard, picking ripe ones.
i climbed as high as i dared to get them, muscles burning.
wiping my forehead with the hem of my shirt, standing on a branch,
when i licked my lips and looked at the next one.
then i had enough pages in my journal to use my bobbin and stitch them into wings,
to fly close enough to the sun,
to see my tears turn to steam,
to feel the wax burn on my shoulders and mold into thick skin.
i started to lift myself up, to put the other foot down, and the branch snapped.
a gasp escaped me as i pressed both palms to my chest.
i felt the monster of pain again,
writhing in the empty space in me.
then i wanted to die.
the monstrous pain had its claws around my throat,
i twisted and put my head between my knees,
when i finally found a solution.
figured if i cut my wrists enough gravity would let me go.
but i kept breathing until the strangled feeling left me.
because life is taking all of the love i could never give myself,
and putting it to good use.
so when i told you,
that you almost make life worth it, i was not joking.
when i tell you,
that you almost make me forget how much I hate myself,
it is not poetry.
it is reminding myself that if someone can care for the scars,
administer the pills,
absorb the bad moments,
then i can try to breathe again.
don’t hide because it will only cause pain.
i know this because i did it myself.
and i learned that just like a clean slate, everybody needs a new journal.

"Everyone wants happiness. No one wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain."

Spread your wings and let's fly,
Can't reach those dreams it is so high,
What to do know?,
Let's smile and end this pain together.

We are each one's cause of euphoria,
Smile like there's no tomorrow,
Why are you full of sorrow?,
Why sudden change of emotions?,
Are you not happy?.

Look at the sky,
Don't be shy,
I know you've been waiting for it,
Don't always look on the ground,
You're not too low to look on it,
Feel free to look high,
And exprience the feeling of being on the top.

Imagine the things that you want that others can't imagine to you,
Your life doesn't depend on them,
It depends on you,
You are the only one who can decide,
Your life doesn't belong to them.

If it rains,
Accept it,
Don't blame the weather,
Don't blame yourself,
It's not your fault,
You just don't know on how to love yourself.

All of this are connected,
Don't ask and you'll be headed,
It is not time for your assumptions,
Why predict someone else's life if you can't even predict your own life.

Shut up and enjoy your life,
Have fun tonight,
Coz the next day what if there would be no more light to be seen,
Sun that brighten up your day,
Darkness that guided your life,
Who are you?

Sentences that are out of context,
What will happen next,
Shadows that are getting even more darker.
Coz there's a light,
A beaming spotlight.

Be the person you want to be,
Shout and tell them let me be,
Freed yourself from sadness,
Let go of your blindness,
And then there's happiness.

Don't pretend that you're okay,
Coz you'll end up hating yourself over
and over again,
Life is about up's and down,
Deal with it and tell the future that
you're going to be fine and pass all of this failure you've done this present.

Sunshine comes to
all who feel rain,
Rainbow can't show up
if there's no little rain,
Learn to stand up,
and you'll be okay.

Don't be pushed by your problems;
be led by your dreams.

I feel better when I’m into illusion,
Where everything is according to my head,
No guns, no sadness, no clinging, no dreams, no ignorance and no people.
Only me floating sinking in out with nature,
Reality is harsh full with millions of talking people and talking is not in me.
I recognize myself more in those illusions and there is no one who could stop me from falling in love with my self,
I tried to love one person but he showed me reality of phony and electronic madness trying to fit in the world full of mindless people.
So I love me.
W.E

A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
I wanted to say,
Set yourself free,
sing until you have
a poem and no voice.
Open your chest
and let your heart say
what your mind can't
Act as if you own the day
and all that you live
and all that you see
and all that you feel
you boxed up for inspiration.
Write your mom a letter,
and tell her that you miss her
but you'll be back someday.
Because being a writer is traveling
through a wide and dangerous and wonderful world
and coming home must wait.
Remember to love yourself
even if it's hard to do with
ideas cluttering your brain.
and Reality tapping at your skull
saying is this worth it?
Warn the neighbors that if they hear voices
It's just your soul
changing and creating.
Learn how to accept others.
Learn to let go of everything you don't need
in order to stay sane,
Learn how to grow
from your failures.
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
All I said was
write