I've been searching for you forever. I've swam across many great seas and crawled across many treacherous deserts making sure not to leave a single stone unturned. I've been chasing you like a rainbow hoping that I'll find the *** of gold. I keep getting more clues but unlike Nancy Drew, I'm no detective sleuth. You're moving too fast and I'm starting to get tired. Eventually I will find you even if it's only in my dreams.

Since I saw you,
I've had this hope live in me.
That everything that isn't needed be gone.
The details of sales papers, shopping carts.
The ease of temptation.
Standing still.
To fill my cart full of things I don't need.
Coffee rings, free samples.
The debris of reality.
Strings and paper slings around baked goods.
Shopping around facedown.
Pushing the cart row after row.
The things on sale.
The pings of the register.
Splints that aren't necessarily the object we've come face to face with.
Jamaican ***.
Our fingerprints used in vain
The residue from coffee pots and things we've touched.
Bottled, sealed tight.
Fresh water springs.
Still we pursue.
I pursue.
Your carefree sensibility.
I've walked every row in search.
Where have you gone,
Withdrawn

Looking back with new
eyes I see the painful truth
I could not before

since I lost you i’ve been searching

everywhere to find what we had

I search in

people
    books
        friendships
            music

but I can’t find it

what we had wasn’t something you can find in an object or a warm body

what we had was a rainfall during a drought

water for the thirsty

food to the hungry

what we had was something I needed and longed for

and i’ll never have that again

I looked up to the cross and down deep inside
I saw redemption and the shame I can't hide
I looked up to the heavens and down on the city streets
Now and then I glimpsed where hurt and healing meets
I looked from the four ends of the earth
And there I experienced a kind of rebirth
I looked from the richest to the poorest of there
Where I stood there was more to wealth than what I see
I saw that they were joyful, so warm and real
They lived with such enthusiasm; such zeal!
I looked up from my little world to see what awaited
I saw there a great big place so wonderfully created
I looked back and saw that things had shifted
I began to see how I was gifted
I looked to God and saw his Merciful Heart
And in my inmost being a change would start
I looked to God and saw his Precious Blood
And I was washed clean in that Holy Flood
I looked to God and saw his Body Broken
And I saw him with arms Held Open
I looked to God and felt a kind of Power
That remains every day until my Final Hour

i defy myself
every time i define myself
just to prove myself wrong
oh, whoops i proved myself right
  
                   i dont know what im looking for
                   but i know it when i see it
                   then i forget to be it
                   oh, whoops i forgot all of it

         i think i know more than i think i do
         never know what to do with myself
         im in several places all at once
         oh, whoops i never moved at all

After years of toil, and digging through the soil,
an old man may still look for purpose,
or just for that one who made him feel,
joyous emotional inspiration.
He may have shuffled his deck;

but the only card she saw was the fool,
he may be an ace of spades, or a king of hearts,
but the only card she saw was the fool.

So he will struggle, onwards to the end,
be it victory,
or history...

I've been asking a lot of questions lately
Trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do
And where I'm supposed to go
I don't think I'm asking too much: just a simple yes or no
That's all I want that's all I really need
I've been asking for so long and wondering whether you can hear me
So I start to doubt and my hope wanes a little