I mourn for the past
I mourn for the me I once knew
Someone carefree
Someone healthy
Going and going without thinking twice
Jumping and leaping without a care
What I would give to dance again
To walk on the beach without being in pain
To climb to new heights without fear of a fall
I miss my old spirit
I miss being a normal teen
I miss achieving the highest and being the best
College
Relationships
Careers
It’s all different now
I had a plan
I miss my plan
I want a plan
But I can only play life by ear
If only
I could jump back into my old body
Crawl back into my old brain
Feel young again
Feel the weight lifted off of my shoulders
Rip the labels off of me and toss them aside
I miss Sophie, the honor roll student
I miss Sophie, the actress
I miss Sophie, the future teacher
I can no longer escape the boundaries
Of Sophie, the sick kid

I haven’t listened to myself breathe in a while.
I haven’t felt myself genuinely crack a smile.
I haven’t been in tune with food for my soul.
I haven’t seen my self in the mirror, truth be told.

I stare at the reflection but I can’t see my breath.
And I can see this smile but it’s looking forced and stretched.

I feed from adrenaline, but I’m just short of a crash,
I’m looking at the mirror but don’t see myself looking back

Through the Looking Glass
James Bond played his “Double” role  

On his “investigations” to locate the  “treasonous” Villian.

His “distractions” are well known…

Past his “secret” identity and “cover”

His “secret” is very well known

Past that

Spying is quite irritating

On both sides living double lives

Human reasoning defines what the “crime” or “need” of their own “roles”

are of the necessary order

As each person calculates based on its own relations

Memories and Conclusions played through life’s “feed recorder.”

I've been searching for you forever. I've swam across many great seas and crawled across many treacherous deserts making sure not to leave a single stone unturned. I've been chasing you like a rainbow hoping that I'll find the *** of gold. I keep getting more clues but unlike Nancy Drew, I'm no detective sleuth. You're moving too fast and I'm starting to get tired. Eventually I will find you even if it's only in my dreams.

Since I saw you,
I've had this hope live in me.
That everything that isn't needed be gone.
The details of sales papers, shopping carts.
The ease of temptation.
Standing still.
To fill my cart full of things I don't need.
Coffee rings, free samples.
The debris of reality.
Strings and paper slings around baked goods.
Shopping around facedown.
Pushing the cart row after row.
The things on sale.
The pings of the register.
Splints that aren't necessarily the object we've come face to face with.
Jamaican ***.
Our fingerprints used in vain
The residue from coffee pots and things we've touched.
Bottled, sealed tight.
Fresh water springs.
Still we pursue.
I pursue.
Your carefree sensibility.
I've walked every row in search.
Where have you gone,
Withdrawn

Looking back with new
eyes I see the painful truth
I could not before

since I lost you i’ve been searching

everywhere to find what we had

I search in

people
    books
        friendships
            music

but I can’t find it

what we had wasn’t something you can find in an object or a warm body

what we had was a rainfall during a drought

water for the thirsty

food to the hungry

what we had was something I needed and longed for

and i’ll never have that again

I looked up to the cross and down deep inside
I saw redemption and the shame I can't hide
I looked up to the heavens and down on the city streets
Now and then I glimpsed where hurt and healing meets
I looked from the four ends of the earth
And there I experienced a kind of rebirth
I looked from the richest to the poorest of there
Where I stood there was more to wealth than what I see
I saw that they were joyful, so warm and real
They lived with such enthusiasm; such zeal!
I looked up from my little world to see what awaited
I saw there a great big place so wonderfully created
I looked back and saw that things had shifted
I began to see how I was gifted
I looked to God and saw his Merciful Heart
And in my inmost being a change would start
I looked to God and saw his Precious Blood
And I was washed clean in that Holy Flood
I looked to God and saw his Body Broken
And I saw him with arms Held Open
I looked to God and felt a kind of Power
That remains every day until my Final Hour