I lie through my teeth
A smile on my face
A quip on my lips
And a plan rushing through my brain

I cast my bait
I stop and wait
So you believe the fake I am
I pull you close and hug you
Only to stab you in the back

I warn you not to cross me
And you think it’s merely an act
Little do you know that
It is too well planned for that

I let you through my walls
So in the end you’re shocked
When I do exactly as I promised
And I walk away still locked

So you take your leave
Quickly and cautiously
Lest I hurt you
Or pretend to be your friend
Try to make you trust me
Just to betray you in the end

At last you finally say
With a grimace upon your face
When someone says they loved me once
‘Oh the game she had you play’

I’m better off without her
That creature who’s insane
The cheat
Liar
Manipulator

One without any compassion
One who will never know love
Loyalty or friendship
Something she works with hand in glove
But is beyond her understanding
Frozen like her heart
She will never have it
They will always be kept apart

Little do you know
That my nights and all my days
Are filled with the memories
Of the people I have crazed

It wouldn’t have hurt this monster (wouldn’t it?)
To lock herself away
Away from the few
Who did not condemn her
(openly at least)
To use their words against them
(far too much experience with that)
To keep her soul awake
Running from the demons
That she’s always had to face

The cruel whispers and the voices
That goad her into thinking
That all she’s ever good for
Is her lying and her tricking

And as I perch on the windowsill
Begging for death’s embrace
I stop myself knowing
That the only absolution
My only reprieve
Will come if I am living
Haunted and tortured for all my days

I’m still a liar
I still lie to you
it doesn’t matter
when, why, or who
I’m still working
on trusting others
but I’m really just
learning to trust myself

Hush.
I used to think you were Godly.
I used to think you were velvet.
I used to think you were perfect.
Shh.
You’re nothing now.
Silence.
You’re pathetic now.
You’re only a feeble boy playing God.
You’re only a quaint thing pretending to be holy.

I used to worship you.
I used to pray to you.

But now you pray to me.
“Oh poetess God.”
Now you worship me.
“Oh sweet Holy One.”
And don’t you dare forget it.

i am going to try to articulate.
i am borderline
even more so, a gemini borderline.
if that has anything to do with it
i must have all the attention on me
at least that's what they say
but i think it's true because when you were in my bed
and you left
i said wait
you were not him.
you were someone else
who held my hand
and held me
so i must have all the attention,
again, a gemini.
a flirt,
i cannot control my impulses because of this disease
i thought i was okay
but now i see ill never be better
because i am a liar
and a lover
but not always of one
atleast,
thats what i say.

and why would it?

expecting something from chaos
knelt on knees, as if words formed silently upon wishful lips
will create the world for you tomorrow

lives are spent
on absolutely nothing
all the time

In the night
When eyes do not shut
She rides ships
That no longer sail
Explores waters
Unknown or Forgotten
Remembers that the moon
Is a reflection of the Sun
Rises oceans
Always waving
Goodbye