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not a poem, but i would really appreciate any honest feedback/critiques of my poems, especially the longer ones. i would be happy to comment on yours as well!

i just started writing poems and i want to improve how my messages are coming across. while i understand my poems and i like them, i want to make sure that other people can get something out of them/my message is conveyed in a way that is pleasing.

thanks so much!
Sleepy Stupor,
Please stay a while
If you're the only one.
I lay here, still, and smile
At dreams of someone

Sleepy Stupor,
Please stay a while
Please don't let me come to
But folded sheets talk so loud
And him to I so few
you lay in your bed
regardless of whether or
not you make it first
a little coffee shop thought i had today. id love to polish it up and make it into a nicer short poem/not a haiku, but the concept really resonated with me.
Ashlyn Rimsky Nov 27
i open my arms to the wind
and find it uncomfortably still

there is something eerie
about the way you
can be submerged
in something
(or someone)
but feel nothing

i wave my hands
back and forth
like a cab-call
to feel it on my skin

the first time a boy kissed me
i asked him not to.
he held me tight
while no one was around
and told me
he would not
let go until i did

i called it love.
now i write poems

and maybe i shouldnt write love poems
for men that i have only looked at from across a room
and maybe i shouldnt tattoo his name
in hearts on my arms
and go on honeymoons before the wedding

but if im being honest
i have so much love to give
that the fantasy of you and me
makes me think that maybe
up is down and down is up
and that for once, maybe
falling might not be so bad

when you teach me parkour
you tell me there are softer ways to land
tuck, roll, spin out, land gently on your toes
falling is not the worst thing if you do it right
but it takes time to learn
and if i am honest
i am writing love poems before
i've learned to rhyme or reason
recite to you my flat lines
trying to turn the snaps into
a CPR jumpstart for love
plug into you
a broken battery,
just trying to recharge
all of my rusty parts
that I, lay before you
as if getting *******
would fix the gaping
hole in my chest
thats been out of
comission for years now

when you tell me i am _
and introduce me to your best friends
i feel the walls fall down
like piles of clothing around us
like makeup washing down a drain
like scrubbing rust off an old pan
i stand here raw and real, and still
you tell me i can stay over
for the first time in a long time
i say "id like that"
press two lips to a forehead
and two hands to a chest
take a moment to take in
the man that is
lying so beautifully next to me
lying so beautifully next to me
lying so beautifully to me
my body hits pavement
i would really appreciate any honest feedback on this poem. what is your take on what the message is? what confused you? what parts sounded awkward? are there any lines you loved?

thanks so much!
Ashlyn Rimsky Nov 27
my psyc professor once told me:
"chocolate induces the same feelings as ***"
10 chocolate bars later, i still feel pretty **** lonely.
Ashlyn Rimsky Nov 16
on mornings
when the sun
bundles in blankets

she paints poems
with brushes
that flow
from sky to earth

a salutation
to the sun
a display of
intention: to

find solace
in ocean sounds
and dogs playing
in every direction

plant trees
of every season
with swaying branches
and flower tops

right now
the only rush
is the sound
of breath

what matters
is the light
in me
in you
the connection between
and the intention
that today..
Ashlyn Rimsky Nov 14
to the groom's side:

I am sorry
I never had

the words to say
I love you
one last time.

the truth is..

I don't know how

we got here
or where

I'm going

I do


I have
to go.
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