Why?!
My words seem to hurt you.
when I mean them the most.
My feelings desert you,
As if I were a ghost!?
But I didn't haunt you,
when you were at your lowest?!
So why do you desert me,
when I need you the most?
Why do you perceive me,
as a poltergeist??
I'm not here to haunt you,
Only to exchange advice!!
We are both here to learn,
And gain from experience.
So why do you place me,
In the category, of delerience??
You don't seem to hear me,
Or maybe you don't want to??
I suppose that denial is easier,
than dealing with what you don't want to??
But that does not make it fair,
Because I think I get you...?!
Maybe I understand.. .,
The things that upset you.
But what if I don't??
Can we still work through this??
Can we work as a team,
to try and distill this?
That's what I want, and that's what I need.
I yearn for someone, who's not afraid to bleed!!
For something that's special,
For something that means,
For something that's more than just someone that needs!!
For someone to want me,
like I want them!
for someone to see a future,
before they see an end!
All I want, Is something that's real!
something that makes me,
and you, really feel!
I think I've found it, inside of you?
But please don't be scared,
if you feel it too.
Just embrace it,
And endulge in it too.
And enjoy it as much,
As I enjoy you!!

We didn't have conversations about feelings.
It's just the way it was.
We would hold and withhold,
repress instead of express.
It's just the way we thought it had to be.
But things are different now.
And we're all trying to learn so we don't
implode.

I was weak
I was so afraid
I let it break me
It tore me
Into a million pieces
But here I am
Trying to put them back
And realizing
That they’re not the same
As they were before it all
I’ve changed
My weakness
My brokenness
Taught me
Molded me
Into something
Better
Braver
Stronger

nobody taught me how to lie.
-sat down with me, and told me
in steps, showed me to walk up a staircase,
and hide in a glass walkway.

but people gave me their hands to hold,
a crying child,
and beat me when i took those hands.
my parents brought me home and told me to bat those hands away.

i learned how to lie, when people measured me
as if i was no more than a number on a wooden ruler,
lower than their own.
today, i know i’m not.

i learned to lie, when it all became too hard to bear,
all those late nights and broken pencils
tears shed everyday, yet you doubted me.
it was real.

my best lie was taught to me by a beautiful woman
-loving her was a secret, as was loving her and her and her,
because the very people who brought me home,
pulled me away from those rulers,
told me i was wonderful,
never doubted those tears as they were wiped away
would be the ones
who could rip my heart.

when life taught me that the truth
laying yourself out
-when it really matters,
rips you apart
you learn to lie.

when life gives you a secret worse than all else,
you see the consequences words can have
-you see that you are a sinner
you learn to lie,
and you wonder if you are a lie yourself.

Why does everyone try to
"Not upset" me?
What the hell?
What's wrong with being upset?
If I don't hurt,
How do you ever expect me
To deal with it?
To learn from it?
To grow as a person?
I know you're trying to protect me,
But here's the thing:
STOP
I'm a big girl
I can deal with it
It's really okay
I know how to cry.

There’s a difference between waiting, and being patient. I’ve been doin a lil bit a both but I guarantee you now, I’m done waiting. I’m going after .. just being patient.