Thwack my heart,
Vacant feelings.
You used up every last
part of me.

I'm so ******* jaded.

I dote on you,
while you take ample amounts
of me.
I don't know what's left to share.

I'm restless.

I sleep in an untenanted bed
with creases that leave little of you.
Hollow eyes,
staring at me when I rouse.
Hoping I'll be there for your last
days awake.

I feel lonely in a full house.

Meeting at the lowest,
four walls to keep us from killing ourselves.
Was starting again,
first day of school like your parents did?
Was it a bond,
Or did our demons tangle?

This is a mess I have to clean, again.

A veil of fear
Floats around my face
Aimlessly
I was some starry eyed child
Never taught self control

The fear of aging
And living through this day in age
Consumes me
And wanders aimlessly
In my brain
But still seems to stop me in my tracks

The things I’ve done
Remind me not only
That I am imperfect
But that I am aging
Growing into a starry eyed woman
Who learned that she can change
Because when you stop growing
You are dead
And I am full of life
I have nothing but time

And even so
Even if this veil of fear
Floats around my face
There are things I can only
Learn with time
There are things that only
Come with age
And I am aging all the time
I am growing all the time

So in that time
I will throw the veil from off my face
I am not afraid to age
I am not afraid to change

Trust is a tricky thing.

One person in your life can shake the ground you walk on forever without a second thought.

Your own anxieties bring insecurities that make you lose trust in people. It's not always their fault, but when those sneaking feelings end up being true, ******* it takes so much to come back from that.

Distrust and uncertainty seep into everything moving forward. You can't help but compare and see similarities. ***** the glaring and incredible differences, you will still find ways to not trust him. It's not fair to him, but you feel jaded like it doesn't matter anyway. Continue building those walls and slamming more bricks up there each and every time you have a concern, warranted or not.

You'll push everyone away because you will never be able to let go of those parts of yourself.



-t.s.

This desire for connection is insatiable
Because the connections I choose
To wrap my greedy hands around
Are as bad off as me
And if I can't love myself,
How am I to love someone just like me?

Warm weather
Come together
Larvae grows in the water that collects
Underneath the house
I'm using you to,
Hate myself.
I feel like you might love me
If I choke on what you have to offer

I laid in bed all day
I can't be here any longer
I wake up just to stare
At my face for a minute in the mirror

I'm travelling 'cross
The miles stretched across my face
And the marathon my fingers run
Across my expanding body

And in my dreams while i'm awake
I see this brown haired girl
Even though there is no face
I know that she is beauty and grace
And while i drive
I hold the hand
Of someone who does not exist
And taste the smell
Of somebody who only lives inside
The cracks of my brain

And maybe she is me
Cause i'm the only one
So far that could love myself
As much as I deserve
And I deserve more

Pretty girl
You're afraid, you child
You're gaining weight upon those shoulders
Shoulders used to be bone
Grown muscle
And your heart lost its size

You're no longer small,
Though you feel it.
You miss it.

But your talons
Were ready to strike for years,
Now it's time to spread your wings.

If my trust in you was a form of art, surely my mistake was my masterpiece

Two organisms without Eyes
blindly react to each touch
Each payment does not add to much

how did you see me through stained glass?
and I'm guilty of hiding
but was I hiding?
Or were you denying my pure intention?

Would one consider that lesson,
Or did I misjudge you for someone with pure intention?

I open myself
Beware of silver tongues
The devil places
People in your life
Just as the Angels do

She took a part of me
She knew exactly what she was doing
With my soul
And I, young
Not jaded enough
Fell into the well
I fell into being used
But you didn't get much, huh?

She wasted her time
With someone who presented
Such a simple mind
But if she couldn't dig deep and find
The person I've been trained to hide
She wasn't worth my time
Then why can't I get this demon
From my head?

I've tried
Yet the memories
My brain rings embarrassing
Replay to me at night
Did I truly think I had a chance?
With 100 pounds of nonsense?
Sure, I tried
Forget that waste of time
In time,
I'll forget that waste of time