I see these thoughts all in your head
But you won't tell me what they are
You're here lying in my bed
So close to my side but you feel so far
When you're asleep that little crease between your eyebrows goes away
I wish I could keep you smiling and take all your pain away

I know you're going through some things I just don't know what they are
We go on walks at night smoking cigarettes and looking up at the stars
I wish you'd talk to me I want to know who you are
Sometimes I wonder if it's me or some thing else you're looking for
I always wonder when will be the last time you'll walk out the door

You look at me but your eyes are clouded with other things
A lot of times when you talk I'm wondering what the ******* mean
I'm just trying to figure out where we stand
Trying to hold onto you is like trying to hold onto sand
You're just slipping through my fingers like I'm not your right hand man
Like I'm not always the one at the end of the night
Carrying you home watching the demons you fight
Like I'm not the one holding you until you fall asleep at night

I know you say you've never cried but wouldn't letting yourself feel it be better than letting yourself die?
I'm watching you sigh and wondering why your tears are falling out of MY eyes

You see right through me I'm invisible to you
Can you see me? I'm right hear screaming at you
You're blind and deaf to everything I say
I wonder how long it will take me to walk away
I think you're asking me to leave but that's a fact I just don't want to believe
Am I just as blind and deaf to you as you are to me?
Are you screaming at me too trying to show me things I don't want to see?
I guess I'm just as fucken dumb then
Trying to help you heal but how can I when I'm also broken

I love how much we laugh and joke around running all over the town
Whenever we're together I never want to see you down
You frustrate the hell out of me you drive me fucken crazy
But I still love our midday naps, watching tv being lazy

I think about how much you care about me all the time
I wonder if I'm the only one who has the others back or if you also have mine
I'm sitting here laughing having a good time but also questioning if I can trust you
Will we be friends for a hundred years or only just a few

Anything good is rarely ever simple
You threw a rock into my calm lake I watched the water ripple
Affecting my life affecting my mental
Smoke curls around our faces, clouding your smile filled with dimples

I think you know I'll always care, even as the way I care shifts and changes
The way we talk the way we move rearranges
Into a real friendship without restraints or cages
That come with the feelings of more than just friends
That chapter of us has come to its end
But I have nothing but a smile on my face because I'm happy with where we stand

Bigger things are easier to see. You might miss a humming bird or bee. You won't miss a condor or eagle. The opposite is true for people.

How can that be? If there's more of me, why am I impossible to see?

Invisibility isn't a cloak or spell. It's your fat pants stretched thin and worn as hell. It's the T-shirt you never thought you'd fit now threadbare and torn in the armpit.

There's just more of you to love, I thought the saying went. Well there I was feeling only torment. Faces fell when I said no, I'm not pregnant.

Does love bloat like this body of mine? Does it get watered down like cheap wine?

My back, my legs, everything hurt. My body just didn't work. If not by plane, by train, or car, I wasn't getting very far.

I longed for someone to scoop me up, to cradle me and gently rock.

I didn't fit in anyone's arms and briefly flirted with self harm.

Twice at work I took to crying. It went unnoticed without my trying.

The wrong solution looked too friendly and as of late, far too trendy.

Left alone I pondered fate. If I died, I'd be dead weight.

I felt stuck forever like dried cement. Sinking too low even to lament.

I watched my waist size raise and fall with the tides. If the full moon swells with admiration, why was round me full of desperation?

You see what’s happened is
I’ve become the last resort
The one who asks if you wanna hang out
Response always met with, let’s see
The one who has to wait so you can find something better
I spend so much of my time alone now
And I’m so tired from always trying
I’m seen as the tough one
The one that’s always okay
So no one asks if I am okay
If I mentioned that, hey things are pretty tough
The subject is quickly changed
Because how dare I show any other emotion than fine
I am not like that unbreakable marble surface you brag about getting installed
Nor will I just wait and see
I’m as fragile as fractured glass
Already broken but ready to damage

And now here is my secret,
a very simple secret:

It is only with the heart
that one can see rightly;
what is essential is
invisible to the eyes.

Why do I feel so alone?
Why do I feel like no one understands me?
Why do I feel like no one knows I’m here?
Like I could just disappear and no one would know?
I feel changed, yet
No one notices.
I feel different, yet
No one cares.
I feel numb, yet
No one perceives it.
I open up, but you don’t hear.
I show you my feelings, but you don’t see.
Why do I feel so alone?
Why do I feel like no one understands me?
Why do I feel like no one knows I’m here?
Like I could just disappear and no one would know?
Maybe it’s because I’ve already disappeared.
Maybe I’m
Invisible.

“My heart ached. These people were full of joy and happiness, and here I was, isolated; alone.

I was simply overlooked, they had no idea i was even there.

They didn’t know who i was.

     I wasn’t sure I did either

But in the end, did that even matter? Who or What you are?

I no longer thought it did.

But when did my opinion- what i thought- ever count?

No one else knew I was here … And for that I was glad; I did not want to speak with anyone.

I was filled with a certain kind of misery. The kind where guilt eats away at the soul; it devours the strength and darkens the light. It was the kind of feeling that fills you up, to the point where forgiveness can’t find its way through.”