Hidden information
Stuck in my head

I do not get it out because the chaos takes the lead.
Get a half understanding and a laugh to please
I want to give you whole but I don't know what that means.

I wonder what space will be like
A thousand miles from earth
No more hauntings of self hate
No more regretting my birth.

Cut my corners,
No more for me to say
Escape everything
No more having to get away
For my isolation
Is my location.
Eternal peace
Is what I seek,
So when they come
That's when I run
For noise makes me weak.

Now space is my space
My quiet place
No more misery to face.
Nothing but stars
And time to heal my scars
Even if fear strikes my soul
Little hopes of light
Glimmering freckles of stars
They help peace take it's toll.

The best part;
Where? When?
Irrelevant now
For I am absolutely
My possibility
To anything remotely
Is outside of bounds literally.

The places I go
When the people drink hot cocoa
Secret places
Yet are so big
How can one not look and think
That such a place has the space
To be filled with many people
But It's just you
Yet it doesn't seem a waste
Wanting to wonder
Upon these sights
Makes me forget
All those pointless fights
So when the stars are bright
Just know that I'll be ready
My heart no longer will be heavy
For the silence is relief
Fills my soul
Makes me say
Good grief.

Tomorrow is a word I use
The enthusiasm is there
There is no hope to lose
So sit by my side
During social gatherings at wide
Yet no words will be said
Just these words that you have read.

Once I flashed like a cosmic star
Shone like a diamond from afar
An introvert with a class
My dreams transparent like a glass
While many challenges toss me in a corner
Picking myself up has become an honor
However, dreams shattered like thunder
Disappearing the gravity from down under
Let alone on a lone path of misery
Living through, has become a necessity
There is no complain of life that I am in
Yet negative auras surround me from within
As I smile and push myself forward
The bad energies lag itself backwards
Such life is a matter of living
Consuming positive auras and giving
To the unfortunate who are grieving
I am sure,
              love makes their soul light up when receiving...

©sim

Another Saturday evening that I wish I could leave my house and spend time around others
who have crafted intricate masks to hide their hurting, but my mask is crumbling
because it has been worn too much lately, so tonight will be spent
curled up in bed.

I can't escape the storm of thoughts and emotions and desires
and expectations and memories and songs and nightmares and
E V E R Y T H I N G
swirling through my head.

The pain swells in my chest, bubbling up but unable to break out
because these demons refuse to let me assign words to them as I try to cry out for help -
so I stop trying and I lie down to let the burden rest on my heart,
heavy like lead.

My attempts to break out of this funk are futile
(this monster knows me worlds better than those who wish good upon me)
and the harder I chase after hope the more
I am filled with dread.

Sometimes it feels like I've gathered together the shreds of my existence
and made great progress in patching together the pieces with the meager tools I've found,
but my tools are coarse and jagged; they leave behind a
blossoming trail of red.

While I labor so diligently to create beauty wherever I wander,
the shadows laugh at my sorry attempts of pursuing happiness when they know full well
that in order to demolish my collection of mismatched tatters all they must do is
keep pulling at the thread.

All I desire is to reach out and connect with others who are more experienced than I
in travelling the road of misery, but have learned to look up and focus on the bright beams of light that break through the clouds instead of letting the rocky path
rip them to shreds.

One time I found another that was hurting deeply, just like me. I wanted to know how he sang of light and peace while at the same time housing those demons within his soul. I tried to learn by befriending him, but my presence was too much. This isn't just my mind playing tricks on me.
I am clingy; it's what he said.

The boy was driving out
Before he forgot himself
“What did I believe”, he cried out,
“On the bookshelf?”

But it was awful chilly, it was
For an afternoon
So he turned to friends, but spoke none 'cause
A mouth don’t fit on a loon

Biding time with a droopy eye
And changed his name again
Goes by a fool with a cool catch
To earn his name on cement

He is the son of summer
Winter at his feet
Doesn't remember forgetting his innocence
No matter who he meets

Yes, ma'am, thats's a dual voice you hear
He seeks high fidelity
Fully faithful, a sun-fearing queer
The caricature to be

On the stage, the things that he wrote
Those memories bygone
Come crashing down on him and he can't emote
The clown's not having fun

Finding time with a droopy eye
And changed his name yet again
Goes by a fool with a cool catch
To earn his name on cement

He is the son of summer
Winter at his feet
Doesn't remember forgetting his innocence
No matter who he meets

Praise be to cherry pie
And all the faces that made me feel that I
Could settle on "by and by"

Praise be to anyone
That put me under the blistering sun
I'll get back there, its true

I just got more to do