Her mind is loud with language never spoken
Peering into the world as it swims through its fishbowl
With a gleaming silver sword, she fights the monsters within
Brave enough to live life differently
She sets out on a voyage: an infinite quest for knowledge
Picking facts like flowers
And weaving them into her tapestry of understanding
Her only true ally is herself
She is independent, invincible
Crying tears than aren’t hers: always emotionless
Mysterious to even herself
And as quickly as she came, she will go
She sees things differently
Understands how everything functions together
How everything is everything
How relative it all is
She is the universe, we all are
And when she dies, she will continue to exist

At times I feel socially awkward
hiding away those eyes from contact
mumbling and stuttering
as though I were stumbling,
upon the words as I was discovering.

Please don’t think I don’t want to talk
when I rush out,
Please don’t think I don’t want to talk,
when I don’t open your messages.

I escape out of nervosity
I feel the fuzziness in my head
butterflies in my stomach
nervosity in my nerves
lack of air in my lungs
tremble in my muscles
and the gritting of my teeth on my nails
as it drains every ounce of energy out of me.

I hide behind shadows
so I don’t encounter any social interaction.

No matter how many times I plan
and play a conversation in my head
I shudder and fret in reality,
making myself look like an awkward mess.

I want to be friends
I want to say hi
but the words do not escape
for I feel tongue tied.

I feel conscience and dreadful
for being such an awkward mess
choking on words
unable to let them
escape my tongue.

I am thinking
more than I am speaking
I can have a conversation in my head
but somehow, I find it difficult in reality.

But then you reach out
and make the first move
It makes it easier;
only to find myself
being an embarrassment once again.

But you don’t judge
you play it cool
and remain patient
you still show an eager to talk
and maybe that was what I needed
to be comfortable and me.

I may be silent
I may be an introvert
I may be that silent kid in the back
And I know sometimes my thoughts are violent
But my soul will be deafening

Yes,
I guess sometimes
I would rather be in a book than reality
But if we could talk you’ll see
That I am really not that bad

And I might not always express it
But my feelings are sometimes suffocating me
And I can’t always tell you
I will try,
maybe not in the ways you know
But hopefully you’ll pick up
on my thoughts

I sit and I listen
As a wallflower; I know the secrets
That are not always audible…

The secret of the wallflower
I may be silent
I may be an introvert
I may be that silent kid in the back
And I know sometimes my thoughts are violent
But my soul will be deafening

Yes,
I guess sometimes
I would rather be in a book than reality
But if we could talk you’ll see
That I am really not that bad

And I might not always express it
But my feelings are sometimes suffocating me
And I can’t always tell you
I will try,
maybe not in the ways you know
But hopefully you’ll pick up
on my thoughts

I sit and I listen
As a wallflower; I know the secrets
That are not always audible…

You can hide in that extrovert all you want,
but I can see the introvert doing what introverts do best:
hiding inside.

let the race
go on and
be won and
be lost
inevitable
fast
without me


I will be
playing
on the side
of the road
with the daisies
and the crickets
and the wild-growing
fennel
​

a fleeting whoosh
to the rushing
passerby
and they a whoosh
to me

​
as clouds
hang humid
and yearn to
speckle their
summer mist
a-top puffs of
breeze and
rosy cheeks
and
saplings

​
I will be
spending my
sunshine day
with face
upturned and
hair a-mess
and
eyes not
looking where
they're going


© 2017 Adelaide Heathfield

If you need a little time to yourself
We can put this conversation on the shelf
There's really no hurry
No need to worry

It'll be right here where we left it
Maybe tomorrow, or maybe in a bit

Comfort from solidarity, I can't relate
The quiet chaos of my thoughts, I could never appreciate

You apologise and you say you're sorry
There's really no reason to get fret
Because I understand your story
And what you need, I'll let you get

So take some time to yourself today
And I'll find something to do
Until you're done and ready
And I'll pick back up,
Where I left off with you

Memories and emotions,
sleeping in silence.
The mind lies dormant.

The thoughts awaken,
they begin to stir,
but just let them be.

Embrace the journey.
Enjoy the seat.

For a secret pleasure it is,
discovering a personal eternity.

It's a party,
Time to celebrate,
I'm trying to get away,
Oh no, they're bringing out the cake,
I guess I'll have to wait.

I could be having a good read,
I could be watching Netflix,
I could be pretending I have a great black steed,
But instead...

I'm stuck with people I barely know,
In some unknown person's place,
Oh my god, is that Terry?
It's been weeks since I've seen her face.

I wish I was at my own house,
With my cat and with my pajamas,
Where the only thing louder than a mouse,
Would be my television screen.