It's something I will never be,
I'm a laptop among PCs.
Closed, reticent, quiet and private
Amid typhoons, peaceful climate.
They say I won't ever belong
They feel that something must be wrong
They don't know why I am this way
They think I'll never be okay.
Maybe I'll always be alone
Remaining attached to my phone
Maybe, somehow, I will get by
Without ever finding a guy
Not that I need one to survive
But it'll be nice.. to feel alive.
Don't laugh, as you read my weak words
Please don't think that I'm sad or weird
This is where I can fall apart
With poetry, I can pour my heart.
I do write much better, you know
But right now, I feel a bit low.
Forgive me for not being brave
The world is loud, and I have caved.

Where there's will
There's a way
Where there's way
There's a why
Like why do I have to traverse  
This path
Why can't I just stay home?

She tried to be the girl who walked
With summer on her shoulders
The girl that you could find in pictures
In the uniforms of wounded soldiers

She tried to be assertive
Confident, and kind and brave
The kind of girl you bring to mother
A powerful, yet gentle wave

She tried to be their sunshine
The girl who filled the room with light
But all that she could muster
Was a smile that never burned as bright

She was the girl who’d fade in crowds
The girl with clouds above her head
The one who never spoke aloud
She was the book they never read

I glanced at the station from an unclear window,
people oblivious to my existence coming by,
some with full of joy and fantasies,
others with hellos and goodbyes.

While sensing being the only introvert
with my 90's desolated playlist,
she came towards me, with a west to east smile,
settling, asked me to help out with her load.

I bobbed, and,
The earth started to rip away,
I feel the winds of change blowing in my face

"Pause"
You sit right there, sneaking in the corner
The black sheep, introvert child.

You are like my coffee, not too dark not too light
But enough to wake me up from my sombre sleep at night.

I see your ignorant friends, the stop and play
They aren't bad, just busy keeping people astray.

You are a misfit, but you fit perfectly in my life
Ironic, you seem to be the corner of the vicious circle of time.

Let's meet there again, where we first met
You get the lines and the triangle, I'll get my mess alright.

Inside a forest of my own making
where the vines are merciless and though dreams may die the evergreen awakens

I must be patient,
and follow the voice at my core

through these arches, roots, through the self-made distrust
that manifests as branches sharp enough to divide me
so I’m on guard like a sentinel

You think you’ve been starved of serenity
well I have a Chimera’s hunger and a sage’s mind

a lethal combination
and I'm killing more than time
I’m after my former self
since I need a rebirth and some revenge
because that man wasted centuries caught in vicious cycles

when the key to escape was right there between two temples.

he said he loved me first
and
right from the beginning
i wasn't sure
i felt trapped
and then
then i felt the obligation
to reciprocate

guilt
and the need to appease

how could i
in all good conscience
not love someone
who loved
me?

so i tried
i smiled
and looked inside of myself
for that longing
that he so often
showed me

and i admit
there was a short period of time
that i managed to convince myself
that i too
was in love

perhaps i fed off of that feeling
of being wanted so much
that it felt like love

you know
when you confuse being thirsty
for being hungry
or food
for comfort

turns out i wasn't either hungry
or in need of comfort

i was in desperate want
of solitude

and here we are
wednesday 3rd of October 2018
and at 9:11 am
he boarded a coach
to the airport
so he can fly home

and i am again
single
free

he is a good man
but he is not for me
i like him
with all of my heart

he has understood every word i said
and smiled

saying go
be free

we will remain friends
like in the beginning
before he told me
he loved me

Dear you,
I want you to come closer
Although I try to push you away
I am awkward
And the awkwardness only keeps growing

The more I have, the more you loose
But the more you have, the more I get
The equation is complicated
I don’t expect you to understand
After all
You never understood me either.

I am there
Beside you and behind you
All you have to do is turn
turn stealthily enough
So I don’t have time to run
I told you
I am awkward
And the awkwardness only grows

I slouch, I *******, I squeak
just like your bedroom door I creak
unopened for centuries
Unheard for decades
Unseen for years
Not because I’m weak but because
I am awkward
And the awkwardness only grows

i live in a pineapple under the sea
or you could say I hide
Hide from you, hide from me
Hide from the rest of the  reality
but I am always there
I always will
For I have to be

Don’t acknowledge me
Validation is not my need
But don’t forget me either
For I have this hidden greed

Never leave your own side
I need to follow
Never  leave my side either
But know
To me,
Ignorance is a bliss
For I am awkward
And the awkwardness only grows