It’s been so long. So so long.
I thought I was doing good
I thought I did all that I could
I hoped life would look up
I hoped I wouldn’t have another blowup

Well I was wrong.

I hit a new rock bottom
I just want to be forgotten
I try so hard to die
Why can’t I just lie
I can’t do this anymore.
This is my cry for help

I’m done.

I know it’s been too long since I’ve wrote,
But I know the words are finally free of my throat, it feels like it’s been years since I’ve put pen to paper and it shows! My arms are cut up again new burns on my nose, I swear it feels like I’m comatose. I lost feeling again and i do things I don’t mean. But I finally feel like it’s time to come clean. Yes I pop pills no it’s not for thrills, no one ever thought it was to take away my mind because the voices get louder, that way maybe I can stop using the white powder. I say I’m sorry to everyone because I feel like a failure. I swear I apologize for my moods for my behavior.
This is all **** I need to get off my chest before I go crazy and unleash the bottle. I had a gun in my mouth last night and nobody knows. its finally time im the last wilted rose. I sleep with a bottle I take my pills every day nothing helps. All I have to do is put on my mask and pretend to be ok but inside I’m withered away.
I’m just waiting for the day I overdose and take too much. I have a spouse but I can’t even feel their touch. I’m going insane help me please. Maybe my life will just freeze. No one will care.
I’m going off the wall

Have you ever felt angry enough to ****, sad enough that you can literally feel your own heart break, helpless to the point you feel you can't even control a bit of your own life let alone anything else. I do on a daily basis. And I make myself go through it constantly. Because I can't bring myself to end it. I'm scared I'll loose you. I am not gonna send this text. But I will have wrote it. I think about you every day. Yet you probably don't even care. I say I love you with meaning. I know you say it so I'll leave you alone for a bit. You don't love me. You don't know. I'd give you the world and you wouldn't even give me a text back. I'm afraid of being alone I know. You call me obsessed and clingy. Do you even know I've been cheated on 15 times out of 15 relationships. You wonder why I'm always asking what you are doing. I'm scared. I can't live with another heartbreak but I think it's to late. I'm sorry.