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Anthony Jan 26
I can't seem to do anything right.
I can't be good I can't win this fight.
I am always the one at fault.
I always mess up.
It's my fault I'm me. It's my fault I keep getting cheated on. It's my fault im sad.
Everything in this world is my fault. I've been told this my whole life.
It's my fault
Anthony Jan 13
Have you ever felt angry enough to ****, sad enough that you can literally feel your own heart break, helpless to the point you feel you can't even control a bit of your own life let alone anything else. I do on a daily basis. And I make myself go through it constantly. Because I can't bring myself to end it. I'm scared I'll loose you. I am not gonna send this text. But I will have wrote it. I think about you every day. Yet you probably don't even care. I say I love you with meaning. I know you say it so I'll leave you alone for a bit. You don't love me. You don't know. I'd give you the world and you wouldn't even give me a text back. I'm afraid of being alone I know. You call me obsessed and clingy. Do you even know I've been cheated on 15 times out of 15 relationships. You wonder why I'm always asking what you are doing. I'm scared. I can't live with another heartbreak but I think it's to late. I'm sorry.
Anthony Dec 2018
This silence is deafening while alone,
No one to talk to No one to pick up the phone.Music isn't reaching my ears, the only this here is my deepest fears. Does anyone even read what I write? Is this even worth the fight?
Silence is unbearable I can't take It, I don't feel like it's even worth it. No one cares anymore, living feels just like a chore. I dont belong on this earth, carey me away on this hearse. Im done with life, If I don't post That's because this was my final strife.
Anthony Dec 2018
I did it again.
That gun went to my head again.
My arms are bleeding again.
I'm crying again

Is there a point where tears dry up?
I haven't found it.

I did it again
I wrote my suicide note again
I took medicine again
I wish for death again

Why can't I do anything right?
I can't even die properly

I did it again
I pulled the trigger again
Nothing happened again
I say I'm sorry again

Maybe I'll die this time.
Or maybe I won't again.
Anthony Dec 2018
What is pain to me.
Is it the ability to be trapped in my head unfree?
Is it the way I stutter and sound?
Is it the way my world turns around?

I feel I deserve my pain.
I deserve to feel such a strain
I deserve all of these scars
I deserve to feel behind bars
I deserve to feel trapped
Like my head is in an infinate wrap

I am this pain.
It will never go away or get better
It will be here forever.

I need this pain.
Anthony Nov 2018
I didn't speak today.
Maybe it's just one of those days but deep down I know It isn't.
I didn't speak yesterday.
Many don't know what it's like to forget your own voice. I do know.
I didn't speak last week.
It's hard to get words out of my mouth. Many don't know what it's like to be the person who doesn't speak.  
I didn't speak last month.
I may not talk but inside I have a voice to share. People don't hear it but they can read it. Inside I talk without a stutter. Inside I can yell and scream.
My voice doesn't show my emotion my eyes do.
I didn't speak last year.
I've been called mute. That isn't true. I can speak. They just don't want to hear what I have to say. When I try to speak I always get cast away.

I spoke today. And nobody listened.
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