I feel like I’ve been running since I was 18
always chasing down something I felt I had to achieve
I had a plan and lists of hopes for my future
and 8 years later I have checked almost every box off my list
that feeling of accomplishment comes in waves
knowing my hard work paid off
knowing where I was and where I am today makes me grateful
so very grateful
for everything
all the stuff I had to go through
all the pain I felt
and happiness along the way
I feel like I can stop running
and start walking to take it all in
not because I have checked almost all of my boxes
but because I checked the one box that I never put down


I have found peace in my everyday life
satisfaction
and a knowing that things will be okay
no matter what happens
because I am grateful
because I believe in myself
because
I know myself now better than I ever have
It’s an understanding
of all the uncertainty I’ve faced in my past and that I will face in my future


I hope on your grocery list for your life
you find inner peace and security in trusting yourself
as you chase all of your dreams
that way when you come to the end
you can start making more boxes

in dream-like states where
thoughts emerge from unconscious
whim, we carve stone sculptures
on opposite garden ends –

mine is a goat with webbed feet,
Carl’s is a duck with horns;
this is a meaningful coincidence

later, we play in the sand
with our wise inner figures;
he dances while I draw hearts

When all is quiet
That’s when you hear
the whisper from inside.

Shell ✨🐚

January girl
eyes wide with hope

January girl
smile once wide with joy

January girl
where are you hiding
and why

January girl
will you tell me,
trust me

January girl
the winter will be over soon

January girl
I have a fire lit for you
come inside or let me in

The best is a beast I must slay
Living in the valley of expectation
And I know I moved myself there.
The beast lurks late at night
Waking me at three am
Giving me such a fright.

I sharpen my swords
I ******* my shield
And I stay inside.
I practice, practice, practice
Still,
Never perfect.

The best is a beast I must slay,
I will not die buried as I lived
Wrapped in bronze, silver, or dirt.
Cast me in immortality
A golden Goddess
My dying wish is to live forever.

I study
I steady my hand
If it’s not perfect, it’s no good.
I must be prepared and precise
Dedicatedly detailed
A single flaw is fatal.

The best is a beast I must slay,
I am not religious, but giving up is a sin
Second only to failure.
So, I practice my acceptance speech
I know, I know,
I know I will never give.

I know it’s no use
I know I’m too scared
To ever do anything worthwhile.
I fear failure so much
I never even try
And I wonder why I’m still stuck in this valley.

The best is a beast I must slay
This is my life’s goal
Because it will take a life of work to get close.
So close I can taste it
I will probably die
An inch short of the beast’s beating heart.

I march up the hill
I tell myself
Today is the day.
I have done this more times than I can remember
I scare myself
More than any beast ever could.

The best is a beast I must slay,
I remind myself of what’s at stake
More than the glory and gold.
No,
I want to beat the beast
So I can know I can beat the beast inside me.

The best is a beast I must slay.