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It's the things we don't know,
That can cause us the most pain...
They say sometimes not knowing is for the best, but I believe... not knowing is the worst kind of pain.
They say when you are in a panicked state of mind you have to center yourself into the room in order to calm down
You were there one night
As my wildest emotions overrode me
You told me to count to 5 and it would all be over
Everything would be okay
1, 2, 3, 4... 5
It passed, those five seconds
They just
Passed
I began to use this method whenever I'd begin to go into an emotional frenzy
1, 2, 3, 4... 5
Things began to pass and I became to realize nothing could be bad forever
Especially after the countdown
Days passed between the two of us and things did not seem the same
As we sat in your car arguing about the little things
You said the words
"it's over, get out of my car"
I sat there
Shocked, panicked, so flooded with fear
So I began to count
1
you yelled at me, "STOP" you said
2
you wouldn't stop screaming "I'm done with this, I can't anymore"
3
you stopped screaming and began to pick up my purse and jacket to hand to me dismissing me from your car
4
you said "this will not pass"
5
it didn't
Scarlet Rose Feb 2017
Holding your heart
In the palm of my hand.
What do I do now?

Look at it sparkle;
I wish I could keep it.
Why did you give it to me?

If I keep I'll **** it,
If I give it back it breaks.
So what do I do now?

Take it back yourself--
Please? It's the only way.
Why did you give it to me?
I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen.
Scarlet Rose Feb 2017
They said to watch my step.
They said don't fall.
No one told me
To keep others from falling.

They said to be on guard.
They said, “Stay in your tower.”
No one told me
That others don't have towers.

They said don't get invested.
They said don't fall in love.
No one told me
To keep others from loving me.

They said heartbreak hurts.
They described the feeling.
No one told me
What it feels like to cause a broken heart.
Breaking my own heart was hard enough--why do I have to break yours too?
nabi 나비 Feb 2017
S,
     I'm sorry.  I don't think you understand how horrible I feel.  I just don't love you like that.  I feel terrible.  Because your such an amazing person, but we just don't work together.  I like to take things slow where you like to try things out.  I like to sit and have conversations with strangers where you like to sit and read a book.  I like hanging out with my friends on the weekends where you like staying home playing video games. And it *****.  Because I truly, deep down, deeply care about you.  And you're so sweet and you make weird but hilarious comments and you're great to have around.  Which made this so much harder.  Because when I wanted to be friends I truly meant it.  But I know that you're going to avoid me.  It happens every time.
      So I'm Sorry that you lost the opportunity to become friends with me. I'm sorry that I hurt you, and I'll never admit to it but I ask all my friends that talk to you if you're okay.  I'm sorry that you heard me talk for hours about my anime and my current music obsession.  And I'm sorry that I have anxiety and depression and I disconnect sometimes, and i'm sorry that i have to be alone to reconnect.
     You're an amazing and beautiful human being and you deserve so much more than i could ever give you.  Thank you for that Mulan marathon and pans of junk food we made.  Thank you for making me life until I was crying.  Thank you for you, for being your true authentic you.
                                                                                            -H
I'm probably never going to give this to her. But I just needed to write it out somewhere.  She'll never see this anyway
Figure it out for yourself,
It won't be interpreted the same way
Julia Mae Jan 2017
and it's just
i don't mean to push everyone away
i just never seem to have the right words to say
(i really, really don't want anyone to leave,
you all mean so, so, ******* much to me -)
because i wish everyone would stay
as much as i want them to
but it never seems to work out that way
and i'm not entirely sure why
things become as they are
and why nothing seems to ever grow
but i'm so scared
so ******* scared
of being alone
so please, i beg, stay
stay and stay and stay
sometimes i am this way
and i don't mean to push you all away
so someone, even just one, please
stay
one word.
And just like a dropped milk carton
There went my tears
Flooding down
Making a gigantic mess
Shouldn’t expect otherwise
I always **** up the simple things
I’m sorry
-S
MG Nov 2016
For the first time in my adult life I am free from you.
But what is freedom really?
I've come to find out it's something that's subjective, arbitrary.
I am physically free from you but still chained to something, and I don't know what that something is.
I'm free to be the person I knew I always could be without you.
But why are you still chained to my thoughts?
Why am I still chained to this toxic lifestyle?
Maybe it's this City.
Maybe it's the way you used to hold me at night.
Maybe it's the way He looks at me now (He looks at others the same too).
Or maybe it's just me and I still miss you.
And I still sleep alone while you sleep with Her.
So then, is freedom really free?
Eve Nov 2016
trace the familiar contours of my body with your fingertips once more
place your hand on my thigh and tell me you miss me
rest your lips on mine and whisper "i love you" under your breath
because when i wake up,
you won't remember
but i will never forget
god ******* **** it
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