You don’t text or call,
Not when I needed you to.
I sit in the bath.
It’s hot, that’s the first thing on my mind.
As the sweat starts to form,
I think of all I’ve done wrong  
As my cheeks turn pink from the heat,
I ask myself why I deserve this.
I want to get out,
But I can’t seem to stand.
I want to fall asleep,
But I can feel my heart beat.
It’s beating so fast,
Like my chest will explode.
I wish you would text
Or call, I don’t know.

Is it bad?
That I miss the days?
The days where it was just you and me?
Everything used to be so different,
The world was so much brighter.
My smiles were genuine,
I felt like I could do anything.

But now it’s not the same.
I text and you don’t respond,
My calls are declined.
You say to me that you’re busy,
You’re with all your friends.
But, what am I?


Am I not your friend?
You say I’m your best friend,
That you couldn’t live without me.
But I don’t think I believe that,
No, not anymore;
No, not at all.

Is it bad?
That I miss the days?
The days where we would just talk to hours?
You tell me to be happy,
To just try to sleep.
Do you not understand that I try?

You don’t stay awake for me anymore,
You just say goodnight.
There’s no worry for me anymore.
You don’t make the time for me that you used to.
You think I’m okay with that.
No, I’m not.
No, not at all.

Is it bad?
That I miss the days?
The days where you knew me— the real me?

As I sat on the riverside,
I thought to myself,
What does it mean to be alive?

As I sat on the bank of the shore,
I thought to myself,
Why do I wake up in the morn?

As I sat in the absence of light,
I thought to myself,
Why am I being ignored?

As a kid I would talk to my parents,
Now, as a teenager,
I don't.

Not because I don't want to,
Not because I don't need to,
Instead, because I don't think I can.

Instead, I write my feelings out on this website.
Instead, I talk to my friends.
Instead, I ignore the insight,
which has been given to me by god.

Maybe they aren't ignoring me and instead,
I am only ignoring myself.

When I was younger, I danced in the grass,
Letting the chills engulf me.
I let the leaves ******* over.
I felt the amazed joy travel down my body.

You see,
I forget the feeling.

When I was younger, I held onto dreams,
As if they were only a butterfly away.
I watched as they inspired me.
I held onto that creativity they left in my bones.

You see,
I forget the feeling.

When I was younger, I wished for attention,
As I hold up a creation flashing with love.
I watched as my mother turned to her phone.
I left without a notice or word, as the creation fell without notice or word.

You see,
I know that feeling

Yesterday, I left my leaves and butterflies,
Letting the silence engulf me.
I left the desire for attention behind.
I closed my eyes as the world fell away.

You see,
I am that feeling

This day, they left my there,
Lowering me as if there were no place left.
This was the only place I felt at home, at peace.
I heard nothing as they sang Amazing Grace.

You see,
I caused that feeling