Words fail to capture what the heart endures

A simple smile, a soft tone; bewildering, bewitching, casting somber tones of efficacious pleasantries

It wisps within, between the visage and paltry stoicism; it yearns to seek more

On sombre sands, a flower gently grows; does the night beseech its colors whole? Or would the sun set forever upon a glowing ghost?

Questions gaze at me like windows, cold and rife with frosting edges, the frame growing blue and stained with doubt casting shadows wider than the days are long

To seek solace, the questions wane; until tomorrow, wrought refuge in the arms of a voice that calls to things which echo "home" brings insalubrious candor

The only wicked thing here is believing truth is merely fabricated, and the destination can only ever be fantasy..

I carry the torch of this misery.
The bearer of all secrets that kept us terminally sick.
Held hostage by brokenness
Hostess to alcoholism, cynicism, paranoid delusions
A pillar upon which a false empire was built?
Was the straw that broke the camel's back composed of grass or guilt?

A person who feels like home can be dangerous when you carry the blame of destroying the one you grew in.

Emerged from my isolation to walk under the stars.
$11.11 was the total for my holiday purchase of alcohol and cigarettes
I wished upon a scar that I would one day grow to be whole.
I listened to your playlist on the cold walk home.

These metaphors for living pure are cheesy
All existence is chaos
Anthems of anger, ballads for those who have lost
Holding fading souls and cradling hearts like hammocks for the homeless

Filling in the blanks.
Throw away worn out pages from the journal of my past.
Forgetting names, relationships that didn't last.
No class, sensible sass on the *** of my jeans.
Playing with words when I want to be mean.
Don't want to be needy.
Forgotten peace treaty with the demons eating my psyche.
I'm ugly, you're boring, we're all like vampires feeding on each other.
Undeniable hate, but I still always say "We should love one another."
Denial undercover, smother the problems I'm not yet equipped to recover from with a sly wit.
Another temporary fix to cover up the shiit that somehow replaced the mud and the blood in my veins.
I'm lonely and strange and beginning to prefer it this way.
Not well behaved, I don't feel like pretending to be today.
That's okay, I'll try again tomorrow.
Indian giver, time's always borrowed.
Mostly hollow but I'm trying harder every day to gain the patience it takes to fill in the blanks.

There are days when there's no use in fighting off the ill feelings I get when I look at humanity. Utter disgust for the lack of love in society's eyes. Some days I let it hurt and harden my heart. Consume the rot.

Other days it makes me softer. I stomp the rot like crunchy fall leaves. Some days I am spilling kindness, all smiles and hugs, child-like love and wonder like I've never witnessed the bitterness, the truth.

Today I internalize the brutality and drown in the knowledge that I am powerless. My heart is decaying like a dead dog that I hope I one day find the strength to bury.

Welcome to my headspace
Please leave your expectations at the door
Disordered psyche, impulsivity and indecision have branded me a wh*re
I want to be much then more
Humming,sighing, everything’s a bore. Screaming, crying, slumped on the floor.
Everything’s too much. Life and love are not enough.
The fist that’s beating the hope out of me is my own neurotic instability.
Insecurity, emotionally and financially draining me.
Return me to the sea where I have always belonged.
No longer defined by my wrongs,
Or the wrongs that have been done unto me.
Rather entangled with an indescribable longing
To be strong, independent, comfortable.
For the ability to know that where I am is where I belong.
Lost in breathing moments.
I exist I exist I exist

Executive dysfunction
Blurred lines, blurred vision
Sleeping in the grass
Sun set / sun rise, time passing like morning dew eases away from forested valleys' lake.
Slipping away, like sand through my fingers, drift into space.
I'm living slowly, lonely these endlessly numbered days.
Dazed, hazy, wake bake skate.
Mindful meaning
Fleeting smiles sink into me
Can we stay for a while?
Grinning beneath unlucky skin
Sinner within undercover
No lover, no friends
No pool No Pets No Cigarettes
No sleep, finding safety beneath a poet-tree
Seeking sanctity in sacred places.
Harmony is heavenly
Rise and shine! Levitate and radiate!
Never trust tomorrow, embrace whatever comes of today.

18 Drafts
One receiver's address
I sigh and delete all of them
It's too late for anyone to be receiving it

this body will never know
that the sea surface
could also be  gentle and kind.
it will only know
the sea's hunger for
things it could claim.
but then again,maybe,
this body was not built
for such gentleness and kindness.
this body was made to sink.
it knows that sunken cities
dont kiss the ocean floor
in a haste.
it knows because
it has been doing it
for years,
- slow,passionate.
all those towering dreams
it spent on building
some unpaved asphalt roads,
some rooms full of strangers,
some quiet places,
some homes made with strength,
some little cosmos patches.
All drowning and sinking.
Just because
i was too afraid to swim.


//but maybe atlantis is a home for lost,hopeless people like me.

Who am I?
What am I?
Why am I here?
To grace this earth,

My existence feels useless,
Hang my head in the noose,

I am everything and nothing,
All at once yet not at all,
I teeter on the brink of madness,
Waiting to witness my fall,

I am a waterfall of sorrow,
Endlessly flowing,
Through my blood,
Sweat,
Tears,
and *****,

Recycling emotions,
In this vessel,
Hollow with feeling,

Feeling alone,
Yet alone I am not,

Universe embrace me,
Place me in your thoughts.