His name is Carter
And he’s all alone
In school
At home
Even on the bus because
no one sits next to him,

(But I’ve made an attempt
To be his friend
But I can’t break free of the honesty
That he is extremely annoying
So I will leave him to himself
Whenever I can)

One day his bag was extra heavy
And I could see it
But I did not ask about it
To not let out the brutal honesty
At the end
That I really did not care
Except my mind went there
Courtesy of the news
And I looked at the shape
Which wasn’t outlined as a rifle
So I looked the other way without paying attention anymore
And when I knew my safety was not compromised
I did not care about why it was so heavy

I stood behind him in line when
His bag bumped against me and
I pushed it out of my face because
What a nuisance!

He turned around looking annoyed
and quite frankly I did not care about his feelings

468 days till I'm out of this place
468 days till I graduate
468 days till I'm out of this space
468 days till I escape

This place that brought me rules to follow
This place that brought me expectations to exceed
This place that brought me wishes to fulfill
This place that brought me dreams to give up

This place that consistently tells me that I must act prim and proper
This place that consistently tells me that I must have perfect grades
This place that consistently tells me that I must be involved in activities
This place that consistently tells me that I must stand out

Stand out
Stand out but not in bad way
Let your voice be heard, but don’t speak too loud
Show your curves, but not too much because that degrades you
Be smart, but don’t be nerdy, dorky or quirky

This place that brought me tests every other week
This place that brought me heartaches and headaches
This place that brought me back stabs and betrayal
This place that brought me all nighters to makeup for my lazy group mates

This place that consistently tells me that I must not ***** up
This place that consistently tells me that I must not waste my time
This place that consistently tells me that I must not have too much fun
This place that consistently tells me that I must not have infatuations

Infatuation
Infatuation is just an observation with a cost
Love your friends but don’t get too close
Have hobbies but don’t waste too much time doing them instead of studying
Befriend everyone but not with any guys

This place that brought me tears
This place that brought me fears
This place that brought me cries
This place that brought me lies

But i might miss this

468 days till im going to miss this place
468 days till i graduate
468 days till i miss this space
468 days till i miss this place i underrate

This place that brought me inside jokes and goofy smiles
This place that brought me song lyrics and theater performances
This place that brought me fundraisers and field trips
This place that brought me late night conversations on calls

This place that constantly reassures me that I am not useless
This place that constantly reassures me that I am not what others define me as
This place that constantly reassures me that I am not unworthy of what i tried so hard to achieve
This place that constantly reassures me that I am doing well for someone who’s only seventeen

Seventeen
Seventeen might be too young
Too young but i know what i feel is real
All the nights talking about everything about nothing
The birthday gifts we shower each other with

This place that brought me happiness
This place that brought me those brown eyes and freckles on his smile
This place that brought me boys now we call ex
This place that brought me valuable lessons

This place that constantly reassures me that I don’t need man to be happy
This place that constantly reassures me that I am beautiful no matter what others think
This place that constantly reassures me that I will be alright
This place that constantly reassures me that I will be ready for when I leave

Leave
All we ever talk about is leaving
Run away, as far away from home
Can’t wait to get out, but soon I would look for every excuse to return
Just wanna run away but keep coming back to this place

This place

This place that brought me memories
This place that brought me laughter and joy
This place that brought me friends and love
No other place like this

The time I spent at school was miserable
and I envy those who had a great time
though the end was beautiful
Being there was a waste of time

I know it may seem a little sad
but seriously, it was just awful
I did slack on some days
but for that, I am thankful
because I didn't waste any time
on something so deceitful
Something outright hurtful to the mind.

Remember to come out alive as a human
and not as a machine
for you are a man
not a machine.

ah
so this
is what lips
are for

In this day and age, there are standards of learning, not standards of living
We are told you must "live to learn" not learn to live in a world that is dominated by test scores and letter grades
What college you attend and what fraternity you're in
It's keeping up with Jones' and pretending to be someone you're not
to fit in, to win so we stay in disguise
But at the end of the day, it's a thick veil of lies.
We chalk up our life to things people think we should be
But what is it about me that people need to see?
That I'm a daughter...a sister...a warrior
Or I'm a son on the run with ambition in my veins.
We've got so much more to offer than the grades and projects we sustain
So look at me...can you see me through your red pen marked haze that I'm more...I am more than a score

Sun sets on the Golden State;
Street lamps, they illuminate
The dark recesses of my soul,
The darkest parts which I don’t know,

Breaking through the fragile facade,
Through empty prayers to a faithless god,
Awakening my tired soul,
Awakening my aching bones.

Too often I fantasize
Of a youth romanticized
Because I just want to escape
From a reality that I contrive.

I could never achieve this,
The ignorant sense of bliss.
Instead, I spill my blood upon the page
And cry over the Gilded Age.

I wade through a sea of masks
Of broken hearts and broken glass.
I look down at them and see
Friendly faces staring back at me.

We mourn our loss of innocence
And our collective diffidence.
We’re weighed down by our hearts of stone:
Born from chasing dreams that aren’t our own.

Too often we fantasize
Of a youth romanticized
Because we just want to escape
From a reality that we contrive.

We could never achieve this,
The ignorant sense of bliss.
Instead, We spill our blood upon the page
And cry over the Gilded Age.

today in english class,
with my bare legs clenched and crossed almost as tight as I close my eyes when i see you,
i forgot how to breathe all over again,

you picked the part of Brutus while reading Julius Caesar,
the honorable, noble man,
looking me into the eyes like you did when you used to grab my throat,
and then the topic of manipulation came up,

you see, my teacher asked if anyone had gotten away with lying to someone to get another to comply,
you laughed instantly, saying
“i can get anyone to do anything,
i get whatever i want,”

seeing you everyday was hard enough,
you,
my abuser,
my ******,
we were best friends once, before you saw my body as your own,
and i know i am not allowed to complain,
it was my fault,
you did nothing wrong,
i am the reason you act like this i made you like this,

Brutus kills Julius Caesar, a man he loved and was brothers with.
i wonder if you would **** me out of love like that as well,
but then i remember,

you didn’t have the decency enough to love me.

i'm sitting in English class
looking at the others around me
there's two girls in this class
there's nineteen guys in my class
I look at their faces
but only when they are looking away
i cant be seen
observing
watching
it seems creepy
but the thing that's creepy
is that they all have sad eyes
there's no light behind them
what happened to that light
how can it be turned back on
with drugs and alcohol?
because that's what they do
how can they be helped
because they need help