most of my stories
i have no name for
i cant really express
how a title can change the story

its like a person
with an assigned name
and you expect them
to live that name

for instance, Ashley
she is a fun loving blonde
or brunet, who loves to party
she dresses in ripped jeans and crop tops,
that may be a little too short

Or Jessica
who is the meanest ***** in the school
she wears ****-skirts
and sparkly tops,
that always accentuate her chest

the stereotypes that live in highschools
strangle everybody
who fits within them
even if they aren't them

Ashley just wants to be called Ash
and wear baggy T-shirts
and sweatpants

Jessica wants to be called Jess
and go by They/them pronouns

People should be able to fit on
where they want
not where they have to
to survive

A little bit of Confucianism and Buddhism
The worthwhile life of Taoism .

Go with the flow maker Lao,
Communism and Chairman Mao
Stood no chance against the holy prism,
Opened up a deep wide chasm

The way, The path
Just do the math.
All day and all day
Just look at nature and it'll be okay.

Reason and knowledge,
Take the pledge,
Just look at nature and stay away college.

Things you can't comprehend,
Sins to amend and commend,
Just look at nature and you'll find a friend.

Master Lao, the maker of Tao
Finding ones place within this town,
Be one with nature and forget the crown.

Remember the magic of this mystical place,
Right in your head and right in your face.
Yin and Yang,
Walking with a cane.

The End is near,
We got all but haste.
Receive with open arms and a fragrant taste,
A little bit of aloe that's nature's paste.,

All will heal and All will feel
Beneath the tree,
We will see
Beneath the tree,
Just you and me.

Happy 21st birthday

I remember the date of yours every time
And I know it’s not today
Makes it kind of funny
Since you never remember mine
And it’s not today either, don’t worry

I dream about you every so often,
My beautiful birthday queen,
The beauty standard who I hold myself to,
Skinny but imperfect

In my dreams, I feel your hands on my neck
Sometimes a wedding veil or silken glove,
Strangulate me too
Choking me, you’re choking me, I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe around you living either
You throttle me with…. with… with…

Anyways, I hope nothing but the best for you,
You, insufferable *****, you,
I have never felt lonelier than when I stood beside you,
My high school bestie whom I love to bits and pieces,

But happy birthday
You deserve nothing but the best
From me and from everyone else
On this day you have to share with your sister
And a bazillion other people, too
You deserve Vanilla cakes
(Because I know you don’t like chocolate)
And silver rings and beautiful diamond things
(Silver because I know it looks better on you)
A kiss from your smoking hot boyfriend
(The one I’ll no doubt have a crush on *** laude)

And, of course, sincere congratulations from me
Your high school best friend
The girl you left behind
So that you could mack on boys
And had someone to pick up your slack
But in your absence, behind your back,
I became someone new
New and still a little – a lot – naïve
But someone wise enough to know better
Than to tell you *******
On a glittery, twenty-first birthday card

P.S. I hope you like the flowers
And that your real card finds you well
And the fifty dollar note I left for you
In the envelope, an embrace, I never want to give you

I am sad. I am lonely.
I am anxious. I am scared.
I am useless.
If someone asked me "what do you like to do?"
I'd have nothing to say
Because all I do is listen to music and scroll through Instagram like a loser
Picture of that one girl group that have been friends since elementary, scroll.
Selfie of a girl who I used to know, scroll.
Picture of a girl and her boyfriend at the beach, look at it
Scroll.
God, I wish that were me.
It makes me want to pull out my hair when I realize how
talentless
and stupid
I am
I want to be part of that cool kid group. But they never glance my way.
I want to date someone, but I've hardly ever been in a real relationship.
Who could love me?
Who would love me?
But it will never happen,
at least not what I fantasize about;
the romantic in me.
Holding hands, they walk me to class.
But no, stop, I am too afraid.
And I am not beautiful.
And I've never kissed anyone
I'd been close, once, but it was at a middle
school dance and I said "no"
But maybe I regret that now.
I remember I gave that boy a polaroid of myself,
feeling as if I was in a movie
I wonder where it is now.
But a first kiss,
I wanted to save it for someone special
but that'll never happen now
Nobody would want to kiss me,
let alone someone "special"
I am just so afraid
But I want love
love
love
love
Why has that been the only thing I've looked for my entire life?
I can't even make friends
How will I get a lover?
The word lover, I hate it
I listen to sad songs about love,
and feel their sadness as well
How? I don't know
Laying on my bed,
staring at the ceiling,
I wish I could be someone else
Someone who could be loved
and not manipulated, like I
so easily am
Why do I attract narcissists?
And people who use me
I just want to find someone,
someone true
Is that so impossible?
For me, I suppose it is
The only reason someone would love me
is because I can never say
"No"
or get into a fight. Because I'd be scared
Scared they'd leave me
Because all I am good at is being nice and
never say no
And that's the only reason someone would want
me
I can't play hard to get, I don't think I ever will be able to
I don't want to be me.
I don't want to be so afraid.
I don't want to be so unlovable.
I don't, I don't, I don't
I could go on forever.

Sometimes I try to think of my future
but I can't think of anything at all
It's just a blank spot in my brain.
I don't know anything, it's so sad
Now that high school is almost over,
I feel I have wasted it.
It was nothing like the movies I watched in
middle school.
It's wasted, there's nothing I can do
I'll never get asked to prom,
no one I like will like me back
I'll never have a best friend
I know it
I know it.

I want to be in a tiny studio apartment,
looking out into the city at night,
watching the people below my window
Knowing I could never be that
Have fun like that
Without worrying and feeling disgusted
with myself.
Am I really that unlovable?
I'd hope not,
but I know it's true

If only I could be a regular teenager.
Everyday feels the same.
I get excited on Fridays, but why?
To sleep in?
I have no friends to do anything with,
no plans
I always wanted to feel included
but I know it'll never happen,
I'll never be part of a big friend group
or even a small one
All the ones I've had, we went our separate ways
And it's too late now,
Too late now.

I just want love, it's all I've ever looked for
And to be that girl I always wanted to be
But even that girl, I don't know her either
All I know is that she is beautiful
Unlike me.

I'm nothing but an scarred face
No brain, no feelings
Just a hopeless train wreck of a case
At least that's what you all see in me
I find it hard to ignore what people really think about me
I'm just afraid of what I'll turn into and be
With all these thoughts and ideas running through my head
Some days deep inside I feel like I should be dead
Other days I wish everyone would just disappear
Then I'll really know what it's like to be alone
Soon I'll be wishing for everyone to slowly reappear
Right in front of my eyes so I won't be forever alone
I’m over everything and everyone
Life is a giant Manipulation game
Walking around hurting people and escaping the blame
People hurt each other and I'm fed up
Im over it, I'm on the verge of ******* giving up
There's to many people walking around with fake masks on
I'm scared of taking mine off Showing what's really happening deep down
I'm scared of what people will think of me
If everyone finally got to meet the real me

High school is a prison
guards march the halls
watching us like hawks
waiting to ****** us up
for any transgression
we just scuttle along
with our heads down low

High school is a prison
bells ringing sharp as knives
telling us where we can go
and when we can go there
we line up for meager food
it's time for lunch now
hope I don't get poisoned

This is a story begun
Never ended

Everytime I try
Just shush, just listen
It's all fuzzy, glitching

I can not seem to find my motivation in anything
Unless prompted by a grade

I can pass your course, yet I'll fail my life
I'd dream myself to be something other than a student
If your class didnt take all my time

If I did not spend my nights trying to find a reason why ...
Knowledge makes me want to die
Consume my mind

A few more credits to accredit my worth

Unassisted, a lack of support tore my nature to explore
and gave me the power to put on a wry smile and lie

Mutter, "I'm fine"

So when, again
Are you gonna get out of my head
Leave my daydreams
And take me by the hand
Lead me out
Onto the floor
At this ****** high school dance
Fortnite dance
Because you know
It ****** me off
Until we get kicked out
For being too loud

That's okay
We'll just head back to your place
Watch some awful
Horror movies
While your hand
Sneaks up my leg
I'll probably kick you
And pin you down
But that's how you like it
Isn't that right
Bite my neck
Until I beg you to stop
Tickle my sides
To break the silence
And wait a while
For me to fall asleep
Just so you can wake me up
And remind me
That it was just a dream