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I just...stopped
wearing short sleeves

I started
counting calories
staying up late
making showers hurt again

I just ....stopped
Its all become too much again
Yeah I'm better now

Im better in the snese that hot showers no longer hurt
I'm better now in the sense that when I see a razor it isn't mt first thought
I'm better now in the sense that no longer do I have to wear long sleeves
I'm better in the sense that my only thought isn't what if it all just stopped

Yeah I'm ok now

I'm ok in the way that I exersise to the point I pass out
I'm ok in the way that I eat one meal a day
I'm ok in the way that 1:00am is an early night
I'm ok in the way that I eat "healthy" now

Im Better now
I promise
Just because you cant see it doesn't mean that the person isn't still hurting all the time
Kole J McNeil Oct 2022
There is no gn to my head
There are no p
lls in my hand
But a slow sucicide is my poisin
Small smiles
Tight laughs
Small cuts
Slow sucicide is how I die
Playing in snow
Eating air
Sleeping days
Caffine nights
Slow suicide is my choice
Silver pens
Red paint
Smoky lungs
Whisky breath
Slow suicide is a petty death
Braclet wrists
Long sleeves
Empty ribs
Cold hands
Slow Suicide
Slow Suicide is my choice of death.
Kole J McNeil Apr 2022
Unlike you I can't sit still
Unlike you I cant focus
Unlike you every sound pounds my brain
like a hammering fist till my vision is blurry
like a dog whistle screaching at pitches you could never hear
rattling my brain
Unlike you I can't understand jokes
Unlike you I can't do things that are of no intrest
Unlike you I cant stand the feeling of the shirt on my back
like snadpaper scrating my skin wraw
like a snake squeezing the air out of my lungs untill I can no longer breath
Breaking my ribs
Kole J McNeil Feb 2022
Im back again
You said I was fine
These breathes aren't working
Nic is the boyfriend I rely to much on
SH is the girlfriend who never ceases to let me down
Kole J McNeil Feb 2022
Running laps in my mind
I must admit that in hind sight this was miastake
The clock striking the twelfth hour for the third day
No way that this is happending
Thought I was asleep but to no luck I have found
My mind stuck on your face
I must say this race I see ahead to who will last be standing
Intrugied by your endless stare
It is rare I can hold the contact
You scare me
Oh how how you frighten me with how captivating you are
As trails of crimson leach from my skin
You and I have found a kin
In minds ever so broken to be
Kole J McNeil Feb 2022
No one understands me
Just get to tell me what I feel
Tell me they're here to help
I'm like a cup of tea
Every bump in the road more Tea escapes
Living on a tilted *****
Running from the water rushing twords me
Falling down the rabbit hole of thoughs
Mad as a hatter is me
Carzy as the chesier cat
Calm as the rabbit
Insane as the red queen
Blood falling from my smiling mouth
Think im crazy
Staying stuck in the moment
Spilling tea on me
Teacup spilling my my brains like boiling liquid
Boiling my skin
Cant let in the light
Blacked out
Never getting out
Teacup spilling
Emotions blindinglight thoughts insane multiplepeople
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