What must it be like to fully exist?
To take shelter fully under one roof
and not be left a page torn in two
One secured by love and hearth
the other too gristly printed
cast to rainy dew and soaked to bone
I should never know.
-I Am Only Half

You drop phone calls first
Because you're too used to being on the other side of it
Hearing the line die
Without knowing if your phone will ring again

You leave people on read
Because if you continue talking to them
You might start liking them
And that's halfway to getting your heart broken again

You lash out
So you don't have to tell them why you're so sad all the time
You tell yourself, "they won't remember anyway"
But they do, you just can't handle someone caring for you
Because you might start caring too

You don't go on dates
Because if you get to know them
They'll get to know you
And knowing you is hard when you don't even know yourself

Miss how happy we used to be
Permanent smiles we bore
Back then basked in momentary bliss
Not bothering to worry what lay in store

Lived day-to-day simple and carefree
Fueled by passion exploding in every kiss
In your arms discovered deeper meaning
Fell hard despite obvious risk

Thought I knew what love was before
Showed me I had no clue
One touch transformed all I saw and felt
Inserted into my world little pieces of you

Relentless pigments emerged into view
Gone were the shades of blue, black, and grey
You gave a wide spectrum of magnificent colors
Just so you could tear them all away

Would hold you til I had to leave
I would go to work, you'd go to sleep
Avoiding looking at the clock
Silent in seconds we felt creep

On a thin thread of comfort I swung
Oblivious to the inevitable snap
This fragile heart too optimistic
To believe we would ever break in half

I would come to learn though
Through ten thousand shattered dreams
You were hiding things all along
Happiness is never as happy as it seems