My heart is a hurricane yet my blood is the bay,
My mind tells me to run but all I want is to stay.
Suddenly within these puzzle pieces, denatured with time,
Confused emotion has made them align.
I’m terrified to be caught in the headlights,
Red-handed with love in the dead of night.
(I’m waiting for the tide to come in.)
My mind panics but my whole body just slips,
Melting into this ******-up ****** drip.
Blue veins fast stained bright red, emptiness to too much,
My skin cells breathing so deeply with just the slightest touch.
Driving with the windows open as winter wind slaps me,
I think of all the questions that I wish you’d ask me.
(Because I won’t talk unless you want to listen.)
God’s a sick magician, playing silly tricks,
While I’m withdrawing, slowly hurting, waiting for my fix.
I’ve been given so much, much more than I need,
But your skin is my religion in the temple between sheets.
Like a fire I keep on feeding, because I love the warmth,
I know that it could hurt me but still I want for more.
(Besides, I like the sparks that scare me.)
The darkest part is I don’t care, in the night I miss your voice,
But my guilt is all washed out by satisfied white noise.
And I try to keep the storm stitched up together in my soul,
But it feels so good to have my hands full inside of filling in a hole.
And with just a moment, I’m unzipped and it all falls out,
My dam’s wide open, so is yours, an estuary full of doubt.
(Salt water is all we are, hurricanes and bays.)
As the clock ticks and the scales tip, I feel something is coming,
And I’m not sure, fight or flight, to stand still or start running.
My gut is screaming, joining the club of head and heart,
No one ever said it would be this hard, oh, take me back to the start.
I stare at God’s hands as he holds the cards, hoping for some cures,
But, worse, he just slides the deck to me and says “the choice is yours.”
(And that scares me.)